Two Stories of Awkwardness: Only One Stars Me!

Coworker With Two Kids in College: Our other coworker was busy on Saturday because he was at his daughter's 16th birthday party.

My Friend: Really? He doesn't seem old enough to have a 16-year-old daughter!

Coworker: ...

My Friend: You don't seem old either! Uh, have a good lunch!

[Followed by me my friend running to my her office and hiding from the other coworker all day.]

The thing is that the coworker with two kids in college really doesn't seem old enough to have two kids in college. I am a dork.

***
One day during law school, my friend and I were walking across the undergraduate campus to get some lunch. A very hot girl was walking towards us, and said hi to my friend. My friend smiled and said hello to her.

"That was a really hot girl!" I said to my friend with my eyebrows raised.

He told me that he had gone on a date with her in college. Now I was even more intrigued. He admitted that the date had not gone well.

My friend and the girl had a decent first date. They went to dinner and a movie and seemed to have fun together. When my friend dropped the girl off after the date, she told him that she had a really good time and they should go out again. My friend agreed.

A few days later, my friend was having a snack and decided it would be the perfect time to give the girl call. He dialed her number, and as he waited for her or the answering machine to pick up, he put a chip in his mouth. As the answering machine picked up, he started choking. So his message was, "COUGH. Hey, Girl. This is COUGH Friend. COUGH. I had a COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH." Hang up.

He decided to try again. "Sorry about that last message. This is Friend. I had a really good time last weekend, and I am wondering if you want to go out again. Anyway, I was thinking maybe we could see another movie. There are some good ones out right now. Give me a call. My number is xxx-xx" BEEP.

Cut off by the answering machine. So he tried again. "Hi. Sorry. It's Friend again. I think my phone number got cut off. My number is xxx-xxxx. Bye."

She never called. He did not wonder why.

A few months later, my friend was studying in the library and saw her at a table across the room. He thought it would be polite to go say hello to her. Plus, she was still really hot. So my friend started to walk across the room. But of course he tripped over an outlet in the middle of the floor and fell face first. He looked up to see if anyone had noticed. Yes, EVERYONE had noticed. But he couldn't exactly pretend that he wasn't walking over to say hi to the girl, so he smiled and went up to her. They actually had a nice conversation and he made her laugh a couple of times.

"Score!" my friendthought. "I'm going to give her a call tomorrow."

He walked back to his table. And tripped over the same outlet, falling to the ground. As he was getting back up, he realized that his fly had been unzipped the whole time. And not just a little bit. It was wide open. With a little bit of his shirt sticking out of it.

He didn't call her the next day.

I Could Not Make This Up If I Tried

In law school, I lived on the top floor of a small apartment building. It was a great apartment, especially because most of my neighbors were quiet medical students.

At first, the person who lived right below me was a female med student. I never heard her except on Saturday afternoons. She would clean with the music cranked up, and she would sing along at the top of her lungs. She was not a great singer, but I liked her taste in music, and the singing didn't bother me.

Before my last year of law school, the loud singer moved out, and a male med student moved in. I occasionally saw him when we were both getting the mail at the same time, but that was the only way I even knew someone was living in the apartment. Then second semester, I got a new schedule and didn't have class until 10:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. One Tuesday morning, I woke at about 9 am to the sounds of really loud sex. There was moaning, there was yelling, there was headboard banging... for about 5 seconds. It was about time for me to get up anyway, so I got out of bed and started picking out what I was going to wear that day. And then I heard another sound coming from downstairs. The sound of banjo music.

Some people like to cuddle after sex. Some people like to take a shower. My neighbor liked to play the banjo.

(I do not think it was a recording because the banjo player kept messing up.)

I was not treated to the banjo sex every Tuesday, thank goodness, but it did occur a few more times. The girlfriend must have moved in with the med student because I saw her one time when I was getting the mail, and she also had a key to the mailbox. It was a girl with whom I had gone to high school. I pretended I had no idea who she was because all I could think was "banjo sex." I was very worried I would have one of those moments where you try so hard not to say something that you blurt it out. "Hey, Valerie. Good to see you again. So how's the banjo sex going? I mean... Gotta go!" followed by me sprinting up to my apartment.

Clothes and Stuff

I actually think I looked cute today. I wore the new brown shoes, which made me ridiculously happy.

I realize that I do not actually look happy in the above picture, but I felt like a dork smiling at myself in the picture. Plus, it took a lot of concentration to keep the camera steady.

Yesterday, I tried out the red shoes. They were fantastic. And I realized that I bought every single item worn in this picture on sale over the last year or two. I am such a bargain hunter!


Even these cute knee-highs were purchased on sale! (The fact that I wrote "knee-highs" makes me sound 80, doesn't it?)


So yeah, there's really a lot going on right now, as you can tell.

***

Some days the urge to write about forbidden topics is so strong that I can barely resist. But I must. I am a new, strong person who works out several times a week, watches what she eats, and limits her blog commenting to a reasonable amount. Let's see how long this lasts. Except the diet and exercise had better last for a little while because at this point I have exactly two pairs of pants that still fit me. And the problem with the rest of my pants is not that they are too baggy. Quite the opposite. Yikes.

I was at a work event recently, and I realized that I was one of the chubbiest people in the room. And although I am chubby based on what I normally weigh (and what size I normally wear), I am not an especially chubby person. I think the law, and large or large-ish law firms, attract people who are intense about everything they do. They work for 12 or more hours, and then they go work out. They are perfectionists who have to do their best, look their best, be their best.

That's not to say all lawyers at large-ish law firms are perfectionists. But I think a good percentage of lawyers are. The law is a Type A profession. I am Type A compared to the average person, but compared to some lawyers, I am a lazy, lazy slacker. And I'm ok with that.

I am still trying to figure out if I fit in and if I want to fit in. It is frustrating some days, but overall I am doing ok. I don't want to speak for H, but I think he is kind of going through the same thing. Is this a pre-30s crisis? Or is it that we have finally been out of law school for a few years, and kind of know what we are doing, so now we have the breathing room to ask if this is what we actually want to be doing?

So yeah, that was really random. I will try to write more about Guitar Hero in the future.

***

I realize that I have screwed up the template of this blog somehow, but I will work on it tomorrow.

Drinkin' It Up

I loved law school. I met some really great people (including H) and had a lot of fun, even though it was a lot of work. Do you know what I did not love about law school? Finals. During the entire three-year period of law school, I only had three classes in which my entire grade was not based on the final. It was a little bit stressful. But after the two week finals period was over, the entire law school would go to this one dive bar and proceed to drink. It was marvelous.

The December parties that I have to go to now are not nearly as fun. In fact, several of them are quite painful. We went to a fun one last week at the house of a judge for whom I used to work though. Every year, he invites all his former clerks and their significant others over to partake of wine and crazy Norwegian food. H made a new friend (some guy with a job similar to H's), and I got to catch up with the awesome people with whom I clerked.

I don't have that much else going on right now, besides work. We don't have any plans for the weekend, so hopefully we will finally clean our house. We will go to the family farm to spend Christmas with H's family, and then we will go to see my family the following weekend.

I really just want to go find a dive bar and drink it up with friends right now. Well, not right now, but soon. Maybe I will just bring lots of alcohol to the farm.

I Blame This Post on the Meds

My post today was going to revolve completely around some uploaded pictures, but Blogger does not want me to have any pictures on my post today! Arrrrrr!

I didn't talk to anyone today because my throat hurts so much. I am sick. It sucks. I am high on Claritin right now. Plus 6 Sudafeds. And 100 cough drops. Woo hoo! Umm, yeah, by "high" I mean that my nose is a tiny, tiny, miniscule amount less runny.

So, what else is going on? My law school friend who just moved to Minnesota and I played an awesome game on Friday. The Incredible H assisted. The game is called, "List the 3 weirdest people in our law school class." It is a very fun game and led to much debate. There were some strong contestants. I think we all decided on a winner though. I don't want to tell you his name, so let us call the winner "Jack." The first time I remember seeing Jack was at a final that all first-year students had to take. Jack had twisted one end of a paper clip around his glasses and one end around his pencil. So his pencil was sticking up from his glasses like an antenna. Let me repeat, this was in LAW SCHOOL. Not first grade.

My friend and I had to compete against Jack in an intraschool mock trial competition. The judge of our mock trial was a very conservative, Mormon professor. I think I made the opening statement for our side, and it went well. Then Jack stood up. He started off with an extremely graphic joke about a little kid walking in on his sister and some strange guy "doing it" in a barn. My friend passed me a note that said, "We just won."

I am not sure that these two examples fully illustrate the freakiness of this kid. You should realize just how weird he is when I tell you that second place in our game was the girl who worked at a haunted house during our first year of law school and showed up for class one day with her Halloween makeup still on - her face painted white with fake blood dripping out of the side of her mouth. When asked why she had not washed her face, she just shrugged.