Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Prepare To Be Impressed

I was minding my own business, pumping some gas, when a Monte Carlo sped into the parking lot. How can I be sure it was a Monte Carlo, you ask? Well, my first clue was the phrase "MONTE CARLO" written in pink letters on the top section of the front windshield. The driver of the Monte Carlo misjudged the location of the giant gas pumps, and drove right into the U-shaped protector bar in front of the gas pumps.

This is the protector bar I am talking about.

There was the distinct screeching of metal (Monte Carlo) on metal (protector bar). It was not pleasant, but it was LOUD. I was really embarassed for the driver, so I looked to make sure she was ok, and then went back to staring at my gas pump. The driver backed up her car (screeeeeeeech) and then successfully parked in front of the gas pump. She ran into the convenience store, bought something, and came back out, leaving me to wonder why she had just ruined her car by trying to park in front of a gas pump when she didn't even need gas.

I thought, "Now she will at least drive slowly to leave." Ha! Good one, -R-. This driver got in her car, slammed on the gas, and peeled out of the parking lot. Awesome. I got a good look at her car as she left.

Most expensive pack of cigarettes ever.

PS Try not to be too jealous of my mad artistic skillz.


stefanie said...

That is awesome, and I love your helpful diagrams. I've got to get myself a scanner so I can showcase skillz like that.

So, the crazy driver didn't even look at the damage or acknowledge what she'd done?? Denial's a fun way to live, is it not?

Stinkypaw said...

You are quite The Artist, my dear! With a talent like that you should go public (even further than your blog I mean!)

Your drawings helped me to better understand your description of the mad driver incident, which was/is a total idiot! A woman driver like that give us all a bad name!

Libragirl said...

If you have to put the name of your car on it, you're an idiot. It's a Monte Carlo. Not a "cool" car like a Trans Am. What a loser (I kid about the trans am being a cool car, since it's not 1980)

Libragirl said...

If you have to put the name of your car on it, you're an idiot. It's a Monte Carlo. Not a "cool" car like a Trans Am. What a loser (I kid about the trans am being a cool car, since it's not 1980)

boozie said...

At first, I thought this was some evidence from Cranium and I thought, "HOLY CRAP! She's a great blind-folded artist!" But, alas.

Also, people around here have the words, "Crusin' in the name of (insert dead friend/cousin/family member/NASCAR driver) (insert birth year - death year)." It is SO gay.

But not as gay as the name of the car.

3carnations said...

I won't be jealous of your artistic skillz, but I will be jealous of the fact that you put a "z" at the end of skillz. So cool. =p

That's just crazy. Maybe she was headed to the demolition derby anyway, and wanted to rough the car up a little first.

Lawyerish said...

Ummm. What's a Monte Carlo? (Sorry. I live in the City. We don't have cars.)

I love (LOVE) the diagrams. Good times.

PreppyGirl said...

Dang! Kinda sounds like she was drunk or something. Your mad artistic skillz are rivaled only by that chick's mad driving skillz. Word.

schneids said...

wow. i think your drawings were quite cute. You've got skillz (with a "z"), girl.....

Sparkling Cipher said...

You're a much better artist than I am. I totally knew what they were without reading the story.

I feel like a fool that I sometimes hit my door on those bars when I get gas. I've never actually bashed up my car on one, though. I wonder if she was so embarassed that she figured she'd rather risk running out of gas than pump it with all those witnesses of her stupidity standing around. Kind of like moving to another part of the dance floor after you fall on your butt.

Guinness_Girl said...

HA! I LOVE the pictures. Oh, and great story, too. ;)

Jenny said...


That U shaped thing totally saved your life. Without it she could have have blown up the whole damn station.

Also, naming your car is sweet. I'm totally going to put "Last Year's Saturn" on the windshield of my car.

And the really kick-ass thing is that people will never realize that it's aging. Because it'll always be "Last year's Saturn".

Hell yes. Suck on that, Carmax.

Sorry, I'm a little drunk.

don't call me MA'AM said...

I agree with Jenny! She could have killed you. Crazy driver.

-R- said...

Stefanie, Yes, scanners are fun!

Spaw, I am hoping these pictures get me discovered.

Libra, a Trans Am would have been so much cooler.

Boozie, don't mock my "Crusin'" memorial. My grandma is totally honored by it.

3carnations, thankz. The z adds a little flava.

Lawyerish, a Monte Carlo is just, in this case, a two-door car of awesomeness.

Prep, word to your mother.

Schnieds, I am warning you. Try not to be too jealous.

Cipher, are you speaking from experience when you discuss moving to another part of the dance floor?

GG, thanks. I will try to show off my skillz more often.

Jenny, you just made me snort from laughter.

Ma'am, I know. My first reaction was to run quickly away from the pumps.

digital janitor said...

Diagrams: most excellent.

Where was this gas station? Right after high school I used to work the graveyard shift at the Amoco on Shady Oak Rd. and Crosstown.

One night at about 3am, this guy came driving into the station in a car that was smoking.

He parked the car and came into the store to call for a tow truck, and mentioned that he thought his car might be ON FIRE. I look out and see flames shooting out from under the front of his car - and it's parked about 5 feet away from the fill caps for the underground tanks that contain about 9,000 gallons of fuel. I made a mad dash for the back door and called 911 from the pay phone on the other side of the parking lot.

People ain't none too schmart sometimes.

PreppyGirl said...

My response to that is always, "sentence to your grandma."

Yes it's lame but I enjoy amusing myself.

Yez said...

Wickit ossum draftsmanship, dudette. I was especially impressed with the aerial views :-)

I'm thinkin' Miss Monte Carlo prolly has little signs everywhere ("steering wheel", "mirror", "my own butt") and was confused because of the gas station's LACK OF SIGNAGE which would have alerted her to the presence of a large metal object in her path.

shpprgrl said...

So that's what that thing is by the pump..... :) Thankfully I've never hit one: yet.

You definitely have skills. I enjoyed your illustrations. ;)

Paisley said...

Your pictures RULE!

Once, when I was 19, I drove into a gas pump. I wasn't used to driving into the gas station from the opposite direction. The hood curved up and, well, yeah. I broke it.

To top it off? I was in my dad's restored 1964 1/2 Ford Mustang.

It's ok. He hated that car. Still...I'm a lame-o.


JayAre said...

Dude, you got mad skillz, yo.

I should put on my trans am, "My husband bought this and makes me drive it."