Wednesday, February 28, 2007

More Questions

It has been a while since I have done a good ol' Thursday Thirteen, so I am going to try one today. But first, if you haven't responded to the questions in my last post, go check those out and leave me a comment so that you can be on the Quandrant o' Awesomeness. I would link to my last post, but apparently Blogger hates me right now, so I can't. If you are unable to leave me a comment, send me an e-mail at the address at the top of my site, and I will be sure to include you in the QoA.

As I was saying, I am overdue for a Thursday Thirteen. I was going to test out a new phenomenon mentioned by Stefanie the other day by asking Google questions and using it as my Magic 8-Ball. I asked four questions, and it was so boring that I will not subject you to a discussion of what I found. Instead, I will list 13 questions that I wish Google could answer for me.

1. How can I get a new contact prescription without actually going to the eye doctor?
2. How much is it going to snow tomorrow, and is it worth going in to work, or will I just end up stuck on the bus all day because of the stupid snow?
3. If I were going to try out for American Idol, what song should I sing (other than the theme song to Green Acres)?
4. Do you like my new coat?
5. Isn't it way better than that giant white puffy one pictured below in my photos from SuperTarget?
6. Will H ever actually post on this blog?
7. Or will he keep promising to me that he will write something but then never do it?
8. Why haven't I done anything embarrassing lately that I can write about?
9. Do you hate me because question 8 ends in a preposition?
10. Is it bad that I kind of have a crush on George Michael Bluth from Arrested Development?
11. Is everyone going to think I'm a perv because last week I was pretending like it was ok for a 26 year-old woman to date a high school senior, and now I am admitting my crush on a too young for me (and fictional!) high school student?
12. Should I keep my hair the length that it is or grow it out a little bit more?
13. Why don't I have anything interesting to write?

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

Be Very Afraid

H: [incredulously] I can't believe you're my wife.
Me: [dramatically] Goodbyyyyyyyyye, city life!
H: ...
H: Wait, yes, I can believe it. It is all too real.

Moments later:
Me: [Sings entire Green Acres theme song]
Me: Will you support me if I quit my job to become a singer?
H: Yes. I can be your agent and charge 10 percent.
Me: Great!
H: What's 10 percent of nothing?


And now, what you have all been waiting for: the second installment of the end-of-the month quiz challenge! Last time, you had to pick who you preferred between (a) Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton and (b) Noel and Ben. Like last time, I would appreciate it if you don't wimp out and say you can't decide. You must pick one!

Here are your choices for February:

1. Alex P. Keaton or Mike Seaver
2. 'N Sync or Backstreet Boys

The results of this very important quiz will be posted on Thursday night. If you respond by Thursday at 8 pm Central, I will include your answer in the Quadrant o' Results, and you can see if we are still friends or not. Just kidding! Of course I will still be your friend [if you pick the right answers].

Monday, February 26, 2007

Come See the Softer Side of H

Look how sweet and nice H looks! Going to church for Ash Wednesday Mass brings out H's softer side.
[H and me with ashy heads]

Taking pictures of H while driving early in the morning does not bring out quite the same side of H.
[H flipping me off while I make a scared face]

[In case you don't realize this, H likes to pose as though he is very angry, but he really isn't. I make ridiculous faces, and he makes mad faces and flips me off. It's how we roll.]

Grumpy Frump and Metalia asked me to take pictures of myself and the finger guns. Below, you can see me and the finger guns at SuperTarget.
[me pointing at random items in Target while wearing a giant puffy coat]
Can you tell it was cold this weekend?

L Sass asked me to demonstrate my feeling towards Peeps.
[me trying to make a face of disgust while holding a box of Peeps at Target]
I am not a fan. Also, this may be the worst picture taken of me EVER. I kind of look like a chipmunk who is about to start gnawing on this box of Peeps. But I am not because Peeps are gross.

I don't have a lot of stories for you right now unless you want to hear about my work. Which you don't. Trust me. Here is a little sample: Today, I had to revise an agreement. This meant I had to read the same agreement about 25 times to check all the internal references and make sure every term was properly defined. Wow! That is thrilling! I know.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Interactive Post

I am still alive, but I'm busy with work. I shall be back this weekend - Sunday night at least. Please think happy thoughts for me.

Are you going to do anything fun this weekend? We are supposed to get A LOT of snow, so I will hopefully make it home from work and then snuggle with H. What will you be doing?

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Fun In the Guest Bathroom

Surprise! More pictures!

L Sass of Sass Attack asked me to demonstrate the appropriate facial expression for dealing with a ridiculous work situation. I am not very good at hiding my disdain for ridiculous situations, so here are the faces I probably make.


This isn't ridiculous at all. See - I am happy.


Please tell me you are not being serious.

Since I am on a facial expression roll, I will now demonstrate the appropriate expression to make when you find out you have just gotten on the wrong bus, requested by Jenny at Mama Drama.


Ummm... I am pretty sure this is the wrong bus.


Where the hell am I, and where the hell am I going?

I feel that this expression really encompasses both "I can't believe how freaking ridiculous this work situation is," AND "I can't believe I just got on the wrong bus." In other words, this is my most common expression.

Monday, February 19, 2007

Want Some Candy, Little Boy?

Today, I shall continue to post pictures that you requested.

Libragirl asked to see my mountains of laundry so that she can be reassured she is not the only one who waits too long to do laundry. Unfortunately, I did not remember to take a picture until after I had done three loads of laundry, but here are some random towels waiting at the bottom of the laundry chute.

Here is the picture of H being pelted by ninjas, requested by Guinness Girl. Doesn't H look so happy that his wife has a blog?

H and I went to a party this weekend, where we met a lot of new people. One of the people we met was a single 26-year-old woman who works as a photographer. She told us that one time she was hit on by a 17-year-old boy while she took his senior pictures. I asked her why she didn't go out with him, and she laughed. But just think about it:
1. The opportunity to re-wear two different bridesmaid dresses (homecoming and prom)
2. He should be nice and respectful because he doesn't really deserve to be dating a hot 26-year-old
3. Don't have to stay out late (since he has a curfew)
4. Easy to impress
5. Will probably watch chick flicks with you without complaining
6. Won't expect you to hang out very often on weeknights
7. Don't have to go to any of his lame office parties
8. Free coffee or movie tickets or fast food, depending on where he works

Not that I want to date a 17-year-old. I only have one bridesmaid dress to re-wear anyway.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

I'll Take Two

First, a correction. As I was making a list of the pictures I need to take, I noticed that both Stefanie and Preppygirl both requested picture of my workout area, and I failed to credit Preppygirl in my previous post. Sorry!

The following picture is for Claire who requested a picture of my silverware drawer looking more organized.

For all of you who were upset by the crazy drawer (and there were a suprising number of OCDers out there) I hope you can sleep better now. I do straighten it out after H puts the silverware away.

Now that you are all feeling tranquil after seeing the silverware in a state of organization, please brace yourself because I have another shock for you. Nordstrom sent me an ad for new spring/summer trends. AND SHORTALLS ARE ALLEGEDLY A NEW TREND.

There are so many things wrong with this picture. First of all, THE SHORTALLS. Second, Nordstrom calls these "shortall," but that is just wrong. It is shortalls, not shortall, just like it is overalls, not overall, and pants, not pant. Third, if it is cold enough that you need to wear pink, wool kneesocks, then you should not be wearing shorts, and most definitely you should not be wearing shortalls. AND DID I MENTION $188!!!!!!!! FOR CUT OFF OVERALLS!!!!!!

That is all.

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Pump Up the Jam

First, to answer the question that I know has been at the back of your mind: Did you ever finally get a black purse or what? Yes, I did. I finally bought one tonight. Not only is it exactly what I wanted (and yet nothing like either of the purses I was originally choosing from), it was 33% off!

Ta da!

Now we move on to Stefanie's request. She wanted to see pictures of my workout space. Since I was going down there (to the basement) anyway, I brought my camera.

When you first walk down the stairs into the basement, you see the tv and tiny DVD player (on the shelf constructed by H), the punching bag, a curly bar (sorry to use such technical terms), the big bar, boxing gloves and assorted items hanging on the wall, and the lat machine. For some reason I took this picture at an angle so that everything looks crooked, but in real life, it is not.

Here is a closeup of the items on the hook below the tv. I am really into jumping rope lately. I want to say "jumproping" instead of "jumping rope," but it just looks wrong.

Here is the hook in the ceiling where the punching bag hangs when in use. I do not use this.

When you first walk into the basement, to your left is the squat rack and the bench and weights and stuff. (Drywall is overrated.)

Here is the one piece of gym equipment that was actually purchased for me. I love this bike.

And just a random picture because looking over during Scrubs tonight and seeing this cracked me up:

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

I Fulfull Your Every Demand (If Your Only Demand Is That I Take Random Pictures)

You guys had some great ideas! Please feel free to continue submitting picture requests, either on that last post or on this one. I will be posting my response pictures in the order called What I Feel Like Photographing Today.

I shall start with Jen's request. She wanted to see me demonstrate Sarcastic Respect for Authority Figures.
Here is my initial reaction:
[sarcastic ok symbol]
I feel like this one does not show how truly sarcastically I am respecting the authority figures about which I am thinking.

Then I followed H's suggestion, and I think this one more accurately reflects my sarcastic respect.
[sarcastic thumbs up]

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

And the Card Attached Would Say, "Thank You For Being a Friend"

There is really not point to that title other than that I want to get it stuck in your head. You can thank me later.

The lead sentence in a newspaper article I read: "The killer of a Minneapolis man who went out for drinks with coworkers today received nearly 17 years in prison – the midpoint of sentencing guidelines for his crimes."

Wait. I thought the victim was dead. How did he go out for drinks with coworkers today? And why?

Today, Gmail displayed the following ad for me: "Born Again Floozies - Recorded and mixed by Steve Albini Tuba, 2 tap dancers, great music."

Seriously? Why does Gmail think I would be interested in this?

I think that I have previously asked all of you to ask me any questions you wanted. I can't find that old post though, and I remember that I didn't get any questions. So let us just forget about that episode and move on to today's request. What would you like me to take a picture of to share with the readers of this blog? I will do my best to accomodate all reasonable requests, but there shall be little to no nudity, and I am not going to take a picture of my bank statement or anything of that nature. Would you like to see a picture of our DVD collection? Would you like to see a picture of me pelting H with ninjas? Do you wonder what our basement looks like? Let me know, and I will do what I can! Think of it as my Valentine's Day Present to you!

Here are two freebies to start you off:
I would like to see a picture of your office building.

There you go! Bonus: You get to see how dirty my windshield is!

Could you show us a picture of what the silverware drawer looks like when H puts away the clean dishes?

I would be more than happy to show you, Fake Reader! H apparently does not believe in the wonders of the silverware organizing thingy. But I am just glad that he puts the silverware away, so I am not complaining!

Monday, February 12, 2007

Random Movie Reviews

I decided to take some more pictures of myself that I could use if my high school reunion committee decides to put a booklet together. Here are my two new favorites:

[me with the finger guns]

[smiling me]

As you may remember from my most recent post, we went bowling on Friday night to celebrate Virginia's birthday. She turned 27, which she claims is old, but she is seven months younger than me, so I think she is a lovely young lass. We had a great time, but I forgot to take my camera, so you will just have to trust me when I tell you that I scored over 100. Aw yeah.

After that, H and I went on a movie kick. On Saturday night, we finally saw Children of Men at the theater. The movie was fantastic. Unfortunately, there was a total weirdo in the theater with us who kept laughing way too hard and clapping at parts that were not clap-worthy. Children of Men is a serious movie, but it has some light-hearted parts. For example, two friends are talking towards the beginning of the movie, and one makes a fart joke. My response was a smile. Total weirdo's response was clapping and yelling, "OH MY GOD THAT WAS HILARIOUS!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Also, at the end of a serious part, the total weirdo announced loudly, "I want my money back! HA HA HA!" We thought maybe the guy had some issues, but we saw him after the movie, and H and I concluded that he was just weird. The guy was kind of annoying, but whatever, the movie was great.

On Sunday morning, H took some pain medication and was kind of loopy, and then we watched Paycheck on tv. There were some pretty obvious plot issues, but overall, it was a decent movie.

Then Sunday night we watched The Last Kiss. I expected to really like it because I am a big fan of Zach Braff. I didn't like it, but that was probably due in part to the fact that H was defending Zach Braff's character and acting like it was ok for him to cheat on his pregnant girlfriend. Anyway, it wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. I suggest watching it with someone who is willing to boo Zach Braff's character with you. Also, I would like to note that this movie stars Jacinda from Real World: London. I give it a rating of Meh.

Tonight we watched Invincible, starring Mark Wahlberg. I am a total sucker for inspirational sports movies, so of course I loved this one. I am proud to say that I didn't cry while watching it, but it was really good.

I have also started watching DVDs of the tv show Weeds while I work out, which you guys suggested a while ago. It is awesome.

Thus concludes R's Review for the day. Feel free to share any more good movies or TV shows I need to rent!

Thursday, February 08, 2007

If I Don't Post Again, I May Be Under Investigation

Hi! I have become very busy at work. It is good though. So let me just say this:

H and I are going bowling tomorrow night. I am dorkily excited about it. I was required to take one PE course in college, so I took bowling. It was awesome. We didn't actually learn anything, but that was ok with me. Here's hoping I break 100!

Also, if you read my blog from your office at the DOJ, could you please send me an e-mail and just say, "Hey! How's it going? I work at the DOJ. I'm not investigating you or anything. I just personally enjoy reading your blog"? Because it is kind of freaky to keep having the DOJ in my stats. Thanks!


PS So of course today when I am super tired and have a lame ass entry, I check my stats and see that I have a lot more visitors than usual because this blog is the site of the day at Feedster. So if you are new and have managed to read this far, might I recommend taking my survey or reading some helpful life tips?

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Class of '97

I received an e-mail a few days ago informing me of my upcoming ten year high school reunion. I didn't actually receive the e-mail from the organizing committee. I was on the list of people under the heading, "Does anyone have the e-mail address of any of these people?" (Not that I was the only one on that list. There were about 425 people in my high school graduating class, and there were around 200 names on the "missing people" list.) I only stay in touch with two people from high school, so it was pretty shocking that one of these people actually got the e-mail and forwarded it on to me.

I am not going to go to the reunion, but I did reply to the e-mail so that the committee would have my contact information. There are several reasons why I am not going to go to the reunion. First, it is about a six hour drive from here. Second, I can't think of anyone who I am just dying to see. Third, I am guessing that most of the attendees will be people who still live in the area and who still see each other from time to time, and I will just be standing on the outside, making small talk with people I haven't seen for ten years. Fourth, I don't have any old high school enemies that I need to go face or impress with my awesomeness, like some guest on Maury Povich; i.e., "I Was Ugly When I Was 14, But Now I'm A Bodybuilder, So Take That!"

I don't think we should even have a reunion. I think the committee should collect everyone's pictures, addresses, job information, and relationship status. Then they should put all that info in a booklet and send it to everyone so that I can mock my old classmates from the comfort of my own home. I would send in the following picture:

[really bad picture of me aiming my finger guns at the camera]
What's up, bizatches?

[Note: this was taken right after I got done working out, so it is not exactly my best look.]

Or maybe this one:
[H and me at my friend's wedding last summer]
Aw, yeah. Former president of the debate team and HOTT stuff. Also, I'm still short.

Monday, February 05, 2007

Two Stories of Awkwardness: Only One Stars Me!

Coworker With Two Kids in College: Our other coworker was busy on Saturday because he was at his daughter's 16th birthday party.

My Friend: Really? He doesn't seem old enough to have a 16-year-old daughter!

Coworker: ...

My Friend: You don't seem old either! Uh, have a good lunch!

[Followed by me my friend running to my her office and hiding from the other coworker all day.]

The thing is that the coworker with two kids in college really doesn't seem old enough to have two kids in college. I am a dork.

One day during law school, my friend and I were walking across the undergraduate campus to get some lunch. A very hot girl was walking towards us, and said hi to my friend. My friend smiled and said hello to her.

"That was a really hot girl!" I said to my friend with my eyebrows raised.

He told me that he had gone on a date with her in college. Now I was even more intrigued. He admitted that the date had not gone well.

My friend and the girl had a decent first date. They went to dinner and a movie and seemed to have fun together. When my friend dropped the girl off after the date, she told him that she had a really good time and they should go out again. My friend agreed.

A few days later, my friend was having a snack and decided it would be the perfect time to give the girl call. He dialed her number, and as he waited for her or the answering machine to pick up, he put a chip in his mouth. As the answering machine picked up, he started choking. So his message was, "COUGH. Hey, Girl. This is COUGH Friend. COUGH. I had a COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH." Hang up.

He decided to try again. "Sorry about that last message. This is Friend. I had a really good time last weekend, and I am wondering if you want to go out again. Anyway, I was thinking maybe we could see another movie. There are some good ones out right now. Give me a call. My number is xxx-xx" BEEP.

Cut off by the answering machine. So he tried again. "Hi. Sorry. It's Friend again. I think my phone number got cut off. My number is xxx-xxxx. Bye."

She never called. He did not wonder why.

A few months later, my friend was studying in the library and saw her at a table across the room. He thought it would be polite to go say hello to her. Plus, she was still really hot. So my friend started to walk across the room. But of course he tripped over an outlet in the middle of the floor and fell face first. He looked up to see if anyone had noticed. Yes, EVERYONE had noticed. But he couldn't exactly pretend that he wasn't walking over to say hi to the girl, so he smiled and went up to her. They actually had a nice conversation and he made her laugh a couple of times.

"Score!" my friendthought. "I'm going to give her a call tomorrow."

He walked back to his table. And tripped over the same outlet, falling to the ground. As he was getting back up, he realized that his fly had been unzipped the whole time. And not just a little bit. It was wide open. With a little bit of his shirt sticking out of it.

He didn't call her the next day.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

I Am A Lush

So we had people over to watch the Super Bowl. I think it was pretty fun. But we have a lot of wine left, which it is my duty to drink because it cannot go to waste, and H doesn't typically drink wine. Thus I just had a Super Bowl sized glass of red wine, and I am starting to feel the effects, which may be obvious by my lack of typing skills. It is taking me freaking forever to type this.

If you are here looking for the results of last week's poll, please check out my Venn diagram type chart here. I greatly enjoy charts and lists, so I may try to keep this up on a monthly basis. (The polls in general. Not this specific one. Don't worry, I won't ask you about Ben and Noel every month.)

If you are here looking for a post by H, I am sorry to disappoint you, but he hasn't written one yet. I think he now feels like his post has to be perfect, so he is sweating it a little bit. Also, he is busy watching reruns of The Family Guy on the Cartoon Network. He has promised to post this week, but don't hold your breath.

What else? I drank a lot this weekend. That is probably not a good thing. H and I went out for a fancy dinner on Friday night, thanks to a gift card I got as a Christmas gift. Dinner was amazing, and the wine I had was pretty swell. I only had one glass because I had to drive. Then Saturday night, we had another free and fancy dinner to go to, with an open bar, so I had several glasses of wine and a glass of Bailey's. I should have learned my lesson by now: Bailey's gets me drunk very quickly, but I always forget that because it tastes so freaking good. I don't think I embarrassed myself though, and I didn't fall down or spill anything, so it must not have been too bad. Right? On a typical weekend, I have zero to one drinks, so the fact that I had a few drinks while "watching" the Super Bowl plus trying to finish up the wine after everyone left = I was a crazy lush this weekend.

Having everyone over for the Super Bowl was fun. I didn't get to talk to everyone I wanted to talk to, but I did make an attempt to mingle and make sure everyone had a good time. And we had a lot of good food, and did I mention the alcohol?, so yay. Also there was a super cute baby in attendance for part of the game that I got to hold. Don't worry, I was not drunk while holding the baby.

I have no end to this random rambling about how much I drink. I wish I had a label for this post called "This post sucks." Go be dazzled by my awesome charting abilities instead. The end.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

The Results Are In

My version of a Venn diagram. I had to make this crazy graph since so many of you refused to choose!

If you have no idea what this is about, please click here.

The correct answers were: Dolly and Ben!

Dolly Parton is better than Kenny Rogers because (1) she is hilarious, (2) I like her music, (3) she doesn't take herself too seriously, (4) "9 to 5" is a great movie, and (5) have you ever seen her on Conan- she is a fantastic guest. I am sad to tell you that I have never even heard of the movie "Six Pack" that Kenny Rogers allegedly starred in.

Ben is better than Noel because I like the whole idea of longing for someone from afar for so long and then finally having him fall in love with you too. Also, I was thinking with my groinal area (TM Hollow Squirrel). Noel is definitely smarter and a better long-term boyfriend, but he needed to get a backbone. (I need to rent the Felicity DVDs though because I have forgotten a lot about this show.)

Congratulations to L Sass, Hollow Squirrel, Don't Call Me Ma'am, and LC for having the right answers!

Special shout-outs go to my peeps who heart Bailey Salinger: Preppygirl, Edge, Silly Hily, Jeannette, Metalia, and Kim.

An honorable mention goes to Janet for having the craziest and best story ever written in my comments.

Obviously, some of you did not make the chart this time because you wrote about 30-year-old placentas, Nobel Prize winners, or you said you didn't like any of the choices I gave you. The fact that you are not on the chart does not mean I love you any less.

I may make this choosing between random things and people a monthly event because I rather enjoyed this.