Sunday, November 12, 2006

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

I used to work with a woman who was about my age. We became friends and ate lunch together every day. We would talk about our bosses, our assistants, our boyfriends, our families, and more. We found that we had a lot of things in common, and I really enjoyed spending my lunch hour with her.

The more we got to know each other, the more negative she became. She started looking for a new job, and whenever she had a job interview, she would tell me that the interview went horribly and that the job was bad and she probably didn't want it anyway. She told me her boyfriend was probably going to break up with her at any moment. She told me that she had to live her life in a very specific way or her parents would hate her forever. She told me she hated her house and wanted to move. She told me that she hated the city where we lived. Essentially, she hated everything.

My diploma was on the wall in my office. There was a notation on my diploma to show I graduated summa cum laude. She told me that her school was soooo much better than mine, and her school didn't just give summa cum laude away to everyone like my school did. I told her that in my graduating class, only 5 people graduated summa cum laude. That shut her up. For about a minute. She basically told me that because my school was not as good as hers, I didn't deserve my job.

When I was ready to move on to a new job and started getting job interviews, she would tell me that all the companies that wanted to interview me were horrible places to work. And then when I got a job, she told me that my schedule would be terrible and I probably wouldn't like the company. She gave me the least sincere, "That's great," I have ever heard.

I realized that I dreaded going to lunch with my "friend," and that every day when I came back from lunch, I was seriously depressed. I didn't want to tell her that she was making me want to stab myself in eye with a fork, so I just started telling her that I didn't have time for a lunch break. Eventually, she got the message and left me alone. Maybe that is mean, but I don't feel bad about it, and I felt like a weight had been lifted after I stopped spending time with her. If I had to deal with the situation again, I would do the same thing.


digital janitor said...

I'd rather ram a pencil in my eye than hang out with someone that negative.

Jenny said...

I'm trying to nicely escape someone who is possibly that girls sister. I want to slit my wrists under the table when we're together.

Friendship whouldn't be this dangerous.

guinness girl said...

Oh, that's the worst! Go you for "breaking up" with her. I've had to do the same thing. I had a friend once who...oh wait! Post idea! I will not spoil it by commenting about it. By the way, I love the fact that you titled a post "Must Get Pants Off Top Of Page". It makes me giggle every time I see it in the sidebar. Best title EVAH.

Galoot said...

I feel for you...

My improv troupe had a gal in it for the first 3 years that just wasn't moving on to the same level as the rest of the group. By the end of her tenure, she was arguing against the basic rules of improv to the detriment of the scenes she was in.

She actually moved away from the area during her second year with us. The group got tighter in her absence. Soon she moved back and rejoined.

By the end, none of us had the balls to kick her out. Ultimately, a night class she enrolled in conflicted with our rehearsal schedule and she stopped coming.

I haven't seen her in almost a year. Last weekend she was at the same fair that Princess was at in our town. I opted not to go.

stefanie said...

I used to make up excuses not to have lunch with some work people, too. They weren't negative--just boring old men who I happened to sit near and who therefore invited me to lunch with them every day. At first, I thought it was nice of them, but soon I realized I would much rather eat alone and read my book than chat with them.

At least you eventually got a new job and moved on. That probably minimized the awkwardness of avoiding her, huh?

Me, I got moved to a new cube and the lunch invites stopped. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

Stinkypaw said...

Now that was/is one seriously negative person! It's not mean to want to remain sane, au contraire!

Some break ups do feel good! :-)

schneids said...

i remember this story when you were going through it. She was a pain in the ass.

Aren't you curious where she ended up working?

ps. "Veteran's day off is only for suckas and govt employees???"what was up with that comment?

Lawyerish said...

What the hell was wrong with that woman? God. Thank goodness you didn't have to keep working there after the breakup. I think I would die of the awkwardness.

jes said...

It can be really hard to spend much time with negative people. I like to label them "debbie downers," and then when my "friends" say something negative to me, something uncharacteristically or unnecessarily negative, like, SERIOUSLY, DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THAT NEGATIVE?, i just retort, "Okay, whatever Debbie Downer."

That usually evokes some sort of psychotic defensiveness, but I at least feel a little bit better.

(Why do I feel like Jack Handy right now?)

jes said...

Ha. I just re-read my comment and realized how (a) valley girl-ish and (b) immature my retort sounds.

Hmmm. Maybe I should stop saying it?

don't call me MA'AM said...

Ack. Sometimes, I worry that I'm the negative person. I'm in a bad mood a lot... but I hope I'm NEVER like that woman! You were wise to run away from her.

Maybe you could mail her a positivity book anonymously... and address it to Debbie Downer! ha ha

-R- said...

DJ, yes, me too.

Jenny, just ditch her! Then there will be more stories of beergaritas for me.

GG, thanks. My titles are pretty random.

Galoot, that's a tough one. I guess she got the hint though.

Stefanie, I have been in that situation as well. Except the guy wasn't old, just boring. Ugh. I basically told him that I couldn't eat lunch with him because I had to wash my hair. Heh.

Spaw, thanks. I am glad you don't think it's mean.

Schneids, I do know where she works now. I will e-mail you about it. PS At least I didn't just say Veteran's Day was for suckas!

Lawyerish, oh, there were several months of awkwardness. But I just pretended like it wasn't awkward.

Jes, I don't think you sound to valley girlish. And that retort is what I used to say... in my head.

DCMM, I am sure you aren't like the negative girl. Unless you insult people so that they will be as grumpy as you. Which I am sure you don't do. (Plus, I don't really think you're that grumpy.)

Christine said...

Ooof. That could not have been a good time. Occasionally I wonder if I am that negative. I betcha my boyfriend would say I am, and I betcha others would say I am not.

While I may or may not be that negative, I have never been that snooty.

Phew and thank goodness!