I read this post about crying in public today. For those of you who do not feel like clicking on the previous link, I will summarize. It is an article discussing the possible and appropriate responses when you see someone crying in public. The majority of commenters seem to think that offering a tissue or a sympathetic look is the appropriate response. I am fine with that. It makes sense that a person would want to be sympathetic but not intrusive.
But.
If you see me crying in public, do not acknowledge it! It will only make me cry more! Even if I have stopped crying, acknowledging the fact that I cried will (with 98% certainty) make me start crying again! Please treat me like I am not crying. Ignore the tears and sniffles. You can offer me a tissue if you absolutely need to and I don't have any of my own, but then you should pretend I am not crying, perhaps by asking me what my favorite baseball teams are (the Twins, the Royals, and the Braves) or if I have seen Walk the Line (why yes, I have, and I enjoyed it very much).
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9 comments:
I agree with you 100%!!
When someone asks me if I'm ok or what's wrong, it always -- ALWAYS -- makes me cry more (or again if I've stopped). And yet, sometimes when I see people crying in public (usually on the subway) I always feel badly when I don't do anything. I guess offering a tissue would be ok, but usually I figure they want to be left alone like I would.
I agree. When I cry, I get all red and puffy, so 20 minutes later, you will still know I cried. Don't mention it. If I want to talk about it, I will. Thanks.
I completely agree with you. My strategy is that if you pretend it isn't happening, then it didn't happen. So if I pretend I'm not crying while my face gets all red and puffy and my eyes swell up, you should pretend the same thing.
I cried at work once, after being yelled at by the warehouse manager. A co-worker tried to talk me through it, but it just made it worse. I agree, crying time is personal time.
I agree: asking me about the crying only makes me cry more. It sucks.
This topic reminds me of a scene from Felicity, the day she first meets her soon-to-be-best-friend, Julie. Felicity is crying in class, and Julie passes her a note that says, "Are you OK?" She then creates checkboxes for "No" or "I will be." I've always thought that if you're going to ask if someone's OK, those are the right options to consider. Because if someone is crying, they're obviously not going to say, "Yep, great, thanks" if you ask if they're OK.
Also, I haven't read Tomato Nation in ages. Thanks for the reminder (not that I need to add one more feed to my list...)
I will remember this the next time I see you crying in public. Maybe I'll "accidentally" drop a kleenex in front of you, but that's it! ;)
I love Stefanie's Felicity reference. I will add, in a total non sequitur, that a child actor lived on my block when I was a kid. I IMDB'd him recently and he is now married to the chick who played the English exchange student on Felicity.
Anyway... I try not to cry in public or, really, in front of anyone besides AS and my mom. Usually by the time I'm crying, it's too late for reasonable talk anyway and I just want a hug.
I work at a hospital. People are always crying and I never know what to do. I always want to do a little jig to make them laugh but it's probably not the appropriate response if like their granny just died.
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