I only have one living grandparent. And she was put in hospice care today.
My grandma and I were never close. It isn't that I don't like her, but I can't really say that we ever had fun together. I feel bad for not being able to list all the awesome things I love about her that make her the best grandma ever. What I remember most about her is her saying bad things about my mom (her daughter-in-law) and complaining about the fact that my hair got darker as I got older. Oh, and the time she served us jello with mayonnaise on it, and I thought the mayonnaise was whipped cream, so I ate it, and then I almost barfed.
My dad's dad died in some kind of farming accident when my dad was only 10, and my grandma never really got over it. My grandma had to move to town with her three children. My dad, who was the youngest and the only boy, had to teach his older sisters and my grandma how to drive. My grandma started working in a factory that made plush items, like stuffed animals and college-themed blankets and toy mascots. She used to be able to name almost any college's mascot if you asked her. I don't think my grandma had any education beyond high school, but all three of her children went on to get master's degrees.
My grandma's favorite story to tell us was that in high school, all the girls had to make aprons and embroider their initials on them. Then they had to wear those aprons and take turns serving lunch to the school. My grandma's initials were NC, and all the boys called her North Carolina.
My grandma used to ride the bus to school from the farm she grew up on, and the bus was so cold that they would heat bricks by the fireplace as they got ready for school, and then take the bricks on the bus and rest their feet on the hot bricks.
My grandmother lived alone until my freshman year of college. But she was forgetting things all the time. Important things like that she had to eat every day. So my aunt forced my grandma to move into an assisted living facility, and my grandma was so mad. She used to make up crazy things like that the cooks made them eat waffles made only of water. Eventually, she started to really like the home. But she forgot more and more all the time. When I saw her three years ago, she had no idea who I was, but she knew from the way others acted that she was supposed to know who I was, so she tried to fake it. When I saw her two years ago, she pretended like she was asleep so that she wouldn't have to talk to me. When I visited her town in May, I didn't go visit her. I knew that she was being taken care of, I didn't want to make her uncomfortable, and I didn't want to see how far she had deteriorated. I don't feel bad about that decision, but I do feel bad for not feeling bad.
Today my dad told me that my grandma hasn't eaten in a few days and the only word she will say is water. She can't get in and out of a bed, so she pretty much lives in a wheelchair that can recline. My grandma used to walk two miles every single day and walk to the post office every day to chat with everyone who came in about what was going on around town. And now... I don't know. I just pray that she is comfortable.
So I realize that this post just consists of my random, jumbled thoughts, but I feel jumbled right now. I don't know.