I got a call at work today from The Incredible H. "Do you know Steve or Christy LastName from Certain Town, Florida?"
I do not know Steve or Christy. I asked why he was asking me about them.
"I just got a package at work and their names are on the return address. The only thing in the package is a video tape called True Believer. No note or anything."
We named off all the people in Florida that we could think of, but none were named Steve or Christy, and none were from Certain Town.
"Are there people who read your blog from Certain Town?" H asked.
"Not that I know of, but even if there were, how would they get your work address, and why would they send you a copy of True Believer? Is it one of those movies that tries to convert you?"
H said that he looked up the movie, and it was a war movie. AND the video was not shrink-wrapped and was only rewound halfway.
I thought maybe there was something on the tape. Maybe someone had taped over part of the movie with a threat for H. Or maybe someone had taped H doing something illegal (driving through a yellow light?) and was going to try to bribe him. Or maybe it was somehow related to one of his cases. I was certain that the movie contained some kind of awful message, so I told H to make an intern watch the whole movie and report back to him.
I was freaking out all afternoon. Maybe a deranged former client sent H the movie as some kind of warning. Maybe it was from a spurned ex-girlfriend and contained a tape of her threatening to reveal something bad he had done in college (like what, I don't know) if he didn't pay her off. Maybe it was from a victim of one of his clients who was going to try to exact revenge on H because H had gotten his client probation instead of jail time. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE, AND WHY DID THEY SEND H A VIDEOTAPE?
Finally, at 5:30, H called me. The intern who had ordered H a new Incredible Hulk action figure had signed up for an eBay account with H's name and office address as the mailing contact and address so that the Hulk had been sent directly to H. But then the intern had ordered this video and forgot that it would be sent to H. Mystery solved!