As you may have noticed, I am suffering from writer's block this week. The suffering is so great that when I remembered I had to go to this fancy work reception today, I thought, "Maybe I'll do something awkward and then I can write about it!" That is just so wrong. But funny. Fortunately for me, but unfortunately for you, it was fine and I did not embarrass myself. I was forced to talk to my nemesis though. He is still my nemesis, but that is all I will say about that... for now.
Do you guys really not have nemeses? (I looked up the plural of "nemesis" in the dictionary, and it is "nemeses." Really. Although that could be wrong because my dictionary is not all that great. The University of Nebraska sent it to me when I was in high school in the hopes that a big red dictionary with a giant N on the front and my name engraved on it would make me want to go there. The school's plan did not work.) I think you guys should each get a nemesis. Please report back on your nemesis-finding progress. Thanks.
So, speaking of college recruitment (???) ... When I was in high school (ten years ago!), I got a call from a super-determined military recruiter. He went on and on about the benefits of joining the military. He said I could go to school for free. I responded by telling him that I already had a full college scholarship. He said I could learn great skills. I told him I could learn great skills at college (drinking and making out with lame boys). He said I could get "on-the-job" training. I said I could do internships. He said I could travel the world. I said I could study abroad. The recruiter talked to me for about 15 minutes, and I could not get rid of him.
Finally, I said to him, "Here's the thing. I don't like physical activity."
He said, "... Thanks for your time," and hung up.
My mom, who had been listening to my half of the conversation, laughed so hard that she cried. (But it is true! I don't like physical activity!)
***
I asked H if he is ready to do his guest post yet. He said that I have not hyped it enough. I asked him how much was enough, and he said that I must create a frenzy of hype. Are you feeling the frenzy? Please say yes. I do think H's post will be awesome. He is an excellent writer and makes me laugh every single day. FRENZY!
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19 comments:
yo, H! Must I beg? Post already!
I really don't have a nemesis. People who drive me a little batty? Sure. But nemesis? Not even close. Sorry.
-H- needs hype? The radio commercial wasn't enough for him? "Coming soon to a blog near you. You've heard about him. You've seen pictures of him. But no one has read anything he typed - Until now. Next Monday you will read the FIRST EVER posting by -H-. But ONLY if you go to -R-'s website. Arrive early, as the network traffic will be high and connections will be slow."
There. I even set a date for him.
Nemesis? I don't know. There is one girl with whom I was friends (ha!) in high school. She tried so hard to make sure I never liked myself that now, every time I hear about what she's doing now (I haven't actually talked to her since college even though she lives in the same town as me.), I find ways that I'm better than her. I've got a great boyfriend; she's trolling bars for a date. Ha. I have a beautiful house; she rents a duplex with another girl. Ha. I've gained weight, but I'm still prettier because she still has horsey teeth and makes unattractive facial expressions that she still incorrectly thinks are funny. Ha.
Can one have a nemesis that one hasn't seen in 6 or 7 years?
And, H! Post already! You aren't scared of us or anything, are ya?
Come on, H! We're dying of anticipation.
R, that is hilarious that you found yourself hoping to do something awkward at a work function so you could write about it. Ha.
Writer's block or not, you crack my shit up.
Note to self: get nemesis.
I guess I had a nemesis back in elementary school and junior high. Maybe I can call her up and tell her that she's my nemesis and we'll start the feud anew.
Your convo with the recruiter about laid me out. That is awesome.
And as for H, I am sitting here in my office FRENZYING over his guest post. So there.
H WILL POST! H WILL POST!
(I just passed out from excitement)
Tell him I will be checking the blog 15 times a day eagerly anticipating.
(is that frenzified enough?) ;)
My nemesis is the giant printer at work. You may think that is not very interesting, it being an inanimate object and all, but I am telling you, it has a personality and an attitude. Inanimate my ass.
I can't believe a school sent you a personalized dictionary to recruit you to come there. That is awesomely nerdy and I am a little bit jealous.
Per -H-'s post... I am going to take a different, reverse-psychology type of approach and say, that's OK, -H-. Don't post if you don't want to. I'm sure it wouldn't be that good anyway. Like you have anything interesting to say? Ha.
Prove me wrong, -H-. PROVE. ME. WRONG.
I am totally with you on everyone needing a nemesis. In fact, I have 2 or maybe 3, but definitely 2.
If H doesn't post...he'll be my new nemesis.
Um, I kind of have a lot of nemeses. I only have 8 coworkers and I'd say that at least 3 of them are nemesis candidates.
If -H- doesn't post soon, I may have no reason to live!!!!
Come on, -H-, you can't be heartless enough to ignore that.
I don't think I ever truly had a nemesis. I had a sort of academic rival in high school, but it was really more aggressive on her side. She followed me to the guidance office when it was announced that the latest round of ACT scores were in (she'd taken hers earlier) and she chanted all the way "I KNOW I beat you on this one, I KNOW I beat you on this one." Freak. And oh yeah, I beat her. Just like on all the others. Hee.
To H:
I'm in Italy, and I feel the frenzy--hard. It's time, my friend! Please?
Hey, that's an inadvertent haiku if I counted on my fingers correctly. See how you inspire me? GUEST POST! GUEST POST!
I couldn't shake the Army (I think) recruiter either; I finally told him that I'd be going into it knowing I'd be a conscientious objector, and that did the trick, but the physical activity thing would've gone for me too. How can we reach similarly situated high school students with this important information?
TEAM H
That's so funny on the Army recruiter. I ended up with an interview for JAG as a 2L, which I had applied for on a whim. I thought, "cool travel, AND how funny would it be if I got called in."
So interviewer asks, "So, what made you apply to JAG?" And I respond, "mostly, it was a joke." Apparently not a very funny joke as I was not called in for a second interview. Plus, she could probably tell from my fantastic physique that the morning runs wouldn't have quite worked out for me.
-H- ... FEEL THE FRENZY! We are all waiting anxiously with baited breath!!
I have an evil nemesis, too. And a krytonite... mine is Jack In The Box tacos. I swear I am powerless in their presence.
OMIGOSHSHSHSHHSHHH. I am so excited for your husband's post. The hype? Resides within me. Within my very heart. It is beating. For him.
Except in a totally non-romantic, I-love-my-own-husband-very,very,very-much way.
Huh. Awkward.
Anyway, if he doesn't post, and soon, I might explode from all the anticipation.
Your H will be MY nemesis if he doesn't post soon.
Why has he withheld from us for so long? Come forth, young H, and lend us your words.
The hype! The hype! The hype is on fire!
FRENZYFRENZYFRENZY!!!! Post, H, post!!!!
(Dude, that's a lot of exclamation points. I must be very serious.)
Dude, I actually do have a nemesis (just one)! Well, perhaps she's not so much a nemesis, as a stark raving lunatic. I'd love to be more detailed, but she stalks me, and is probably watching me with the nightvision goggles as we speak.
Does that still count?
I have a nemesis too. It is so bad that my stomach does that thing where it turns and I feel like I am about to kick a door whenever she laughs. Or talks. Or breathes. Or exists.
-H- better post soon! Tell him that the more we wait, the better the post has to be.
Excellent frenzy, everyone!
And I am happy to hear of all your nemeses. Yes, a printer counts. The odder the better, I think.
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