The other day, when I was driving to the bus stop, I was thinking about my friends. I was thinking about who I can really count on, and who I wouldn't trust with the really important things. (Not that I am the greatest friend ever. I have owed my friend something like $45 since July. I finally sent her the money last Monday. I do feel really bad about it, if that makes my forgetfulness and laziness any better, which it doesn't. And I did send her some extra money to make up for my freaking 6 months of laziness.) Anyway, I was thinking about my friends. And I thought, "If H died, who would I call and ask to come stay with me, and who would actually come and sleep on H's side of the bed and listen to me cry?" Obviously, I would call my family, but next I would call my two best friends, and I know that they would fly to Minnesota as soon as they could. And then I almost started weeping in my car because I was thinking about what would happen if H died. And I thought, "I cannot keep thinking about this because this is really weird and morbid. Also, I actually wore mascara today, and I do not want to be the scary person on the bus with raccoon eyes."
So I turned on NPR and listened to the news for a few minutes, and the weeping was avoided. As soon as I got to work, I called H to make sure he had gotten to work safely because I was a little freaked out that either (1) my thinking about his death had caused him to die or (2) the reason I was thinking about his death was that I sensed he had died. I am not normally superstitious, but I managed to freak myself out a little bit. And of course, H was not there when I called. I reminded myself that I was being stupid, and I talked to H later that morning, and he was fine.
I am not sure what the point of this story is except that it clearly shows that I can be a neurotic freak from time to time. And also that I love H despite the fact that he told me today I was dressed really sloppily, and when I said, "I know," he said, "I am so glad you didn't overreact to that like you normally do." I kind of love that he says these stupid things, and they make me laugh instead of annoying me.
Also, I love and trust my friends and am so lucky to have them in my life. Living so far from both of them is hard, and I have not made calling them and e-mailing them one of my top priorities. I need to change that and make sure that I do a better job keeping in touch with them, and not just when I need to vent. I think my (belated) resolution for this year is to be a better friend.