Monday, February 05, 2007

Two Stories of Awkwardness: Only One Stars Me!

Coworker With Two Kids in College: Our other coworker was busy on Saturday because he was at his daughter's 16th birthday party.

My Friend: Really? He doesn't seem old enough to have a 16-year-old daughter!

Coworker: ...

My Friend: You don't seem old either! Uh, have a good lunch!

[Followed by me my friend running to my her office and hiding from the other coworker all day.]

The thing is that the coworker with two kids in college really doesn't seem old enough to have two kids in college. I am a dork.

One day during law school, my friend and I were walking across the undergraduate campus to get some lunch. A very hot girl was walking towards us, and said hi to my friend. My friend smiled and said hello to her.

"That was a really hot girl!" I said to my friend with my eyebrows raised.

He told me that he had gone on a date with her in college. Now I was even more intrigued. He admitted that the date had not gone well.

My friend and the girl had a decent first date. They went to dinner and a movie and seemed to have fun together. When my friend dropped the girl off after the date, she told him that she had a really good time and they should go out again. My friend agreed.

A few days later, my friend was having a snack and decided it would be the perfect time to give the girl call. He dialed her number, and as he waited for her or the answering machine to pick up, he put a chip in his mouth. As the answering machine picked up, he started choking. So his message was, "COUGH. Hey, Girl. This is COUGH Friend. COUGH. I had a COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH COUGH." Hang up.

He decided to try again. "Sorry about that last message. This is Friend. I had a really good time last weekend, and I am wondering if you want to go out again. Anyway, I was thinking maybe we could see another movie. There are some good ones out right now. Give me a call. My number is xxx-xx" BEEP.

Cut off by the answering machine. So he tried again. "Hi. Sorry. It's Friend again. I think my phone number got cut off. My number is xxx-xxxx. Bye."

She never called. He did not wonder why.

A few months later, my friend was studying in the library and saw her at a table across the room. He thought it would be polite to go say hello to her. Plus, she was still really hot. So my friend started to walk across the room. But of course he tripped over an outlet in the middle of the floor and fell face first. He looked up to see if anyone had noticed. Yes, EVERYONE had noticed. But he couldn't exactly pretend that he wasn't walking over to say hi to the girl, so he smiled and went up to her. They actually had a nice conversation and he made her laugh a couple of times.

"Score!" my friendthought. "I'm going to give her a call tomorrow."

He walked back to his table. And tripped over the same outlet, falling to the ground. As he was getting back up, he realized that his fly had been unzipped the whole time. And not just a little bit. It was wide open. With a little bit of his shirt sticking out of it.

He didn't call her the next day.


jen said...

I have not yet (knock on wood) fallen down in law school.

I did, however, in chatting with a coworker, make fun of a man with whom I went out on a date because he was 30 and still living with his parents. Only to remember, following her pointed stare, that she was 36 and still living with her parents. Oops!

Nat said...

Are you sure that the second story isn't about you too only with a hot guy instead of a hot girl? And is the hot guy H and the story ends differently because he is touched by your clumsiness and decides to give you a chance.

Harrumph! I just remembered! H needs to "get on" that post he's going to write!! Yes, tell him it is built up in my mind and I expect brilliance. A little pressure is good for a man.

3carnations said...

You friend's story was much more awkward than yours. You can do so much better. (or is it "do so much more awkward"?) :)

claire said...

Your friend? Is awesome.
Hot girl doesn't know what she was missing out on. He sounds hysterical.

Poor guy.

L Sass said...

What I love the most about story #2 is that, if I were hot girl, I would totally be bummed that the guy didn't call after the second encounter.

Then again, I have an extraordinary love for awkward and dorky guys.

lizgwiz said...

Oh my god, the story of "Friend" is hilarious. It sounds like something out of a movie. Only, in the movie, Friend would have looked up from falling the second time to meet the eyes of Shy Bookish Girl, who's been loving him from afar, or something. And then SBG would take off her glasses and suddenly become HOT and they'd live happily ever after. Or something.

Noelle said...

Why is it that we have the technology to send people into space, have birthday cards that sing, and put entire libraries onto Google, but no one has come up with a way to delete a voice mail message halfway through placing it when it goes horribly awry?

Paisley said...

thanks for the laughs.


stefanie said...

I'm with Claire and L Sass; I think he sounds adorable. But I think we've established by now that I have no idea what I'm doing where dating is concerned, so I'm probably not a very reliable source.

don't call me MA'AM said...

I'm surprised I haven't been fired for the number of times I've stuck my foot in my mouth at work. But none of my stories are as funny as yours.

Isabel said...

I love how the hot girl continued to be hot in the story. Best part!!

Lawyerish said...

Oh. The phone messages! Painfully close to that excruciating scene in Swingers.

And I died when he fell. TWICE. I am dead.

Maliavale said...

BWAH! I am dying. Your poor friend.

Your title is also amusing.

metalia said...

Lawyerish, I was going to make the same "Swingers" remark. :)

Also, your friend is sort of awesomely hilarious.

-R- said...

Stupid blogger ate my responses to all of you. In summary, I love all of you. You are awesome. And so is my awkward friend.

Jenny said...

How did i miss this? Fried gold, my friend.