Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Go, Shortie! It's Your Birthday!

Due to so many of you volunteering your heights in my last post, I am going to make a little chart of my readers, from smallest to tallest. (I prefer "small" to "short," thought I'm not sure why.) I was going to do a complicated illustration here, but then I would have to deal with my scanner, and I am not in the mood. Also, I should probably warn you that I am listing you by your doctor-appointed heights, or else a height that I just made up for you because it seemed right. So here you go.

Nat 4'11"
Liz 4'11"
Abbersnail 5'1"
Metalia 5'2"
Jen 5'2"
Sparkling Cipher 5'2"
Sognatrice 5'2"
Kim 5'2.5"
3carnations 5'2.5"
Em 5'3"
Grumpy Frump 5'3.75"
Paisley 5'4"
L Sass 5'4"
Claire 5'5"
Anniina 5'5"
Noelle 5'5.5"
Boozie 5'7"
Lizgwiz 5'8"
Stefanie 5'10"
Lawyerish 5'10"
Galoot 6'5"
H 6'5"

My only male readers are 6'5". Perhaps I intimidate shorter men with my astounding writing. I should note that Galoot probably did not even read the last post, let alone post a comment with his height, but I remember it because he is the same height as H. Stefanie also failed to volunteer her height, but I think that she is 5'10", and I didn't want Lawyerish to be all alone up there. Yes, that is how my brain works.

The average height of my female readers appears to be (from my rudimentary calculations) approximately 5'3.5"! Yay, shorties!


Are you still awake after that fascinating display of lameness? Then I will reward you with a special treat.

The picture above is H doing a pose he likes to call the Florida Tilt. He did this pose for his drivers license photo, which he had until about two years ago. You should have seen the looks he got when he was carded. Most of the looks seemed to be along the lines of, "I can't believe the drivers license people let you do that horrible and weird pose for your freaking drivers license," although the look from teenage boys was more like, "That is so awesome! I am doing that for my next picture!" H took both types of looks as compliments. He was very proud of that picture. I was mortified.

Then H had to get his picture retaken when he renewed his drivers license, and the people at the DMV were much less sympathetic to the Florida Tilt. H was pissed. I was overjoyed.

Now the Florida Tilt lives on IN OUR WEDDING PICTURES. Only a few, but OH MY GOD. OUR WEDDING PICTURES.


liz said...

Hooray for shorties!!!!!

I'm glad to see I'm tied for shortest rather than being there all by my lonesome. Hi Nat!

Kim said...

...and then shorties shall rule the world...

see, we're not alone!

Marmite Breath or Nat (Don't call me Natalie). said...

H looks so much like Will Ferrell. He should be his movie double. Also, the tilt should be copywrited by him, before Will Ferrell steals it and it ends up in Blades of Glory II, The Reckoning. Just sayin'.

Noelle said...

I can't believe I'm in the top half! I was never that good in school. That tilt pose is six feet of badass, btw.

Sparkling Cipher said...

I'm gonna cry again, but this time in happiness. I'm not the shortest or even second shortest! *sniff* Thank you, -R-, great post!

shrimpfriedrice said...


Yes, I know that is six feet. :) I just like to mess with people that don't!

stefanie said...

Wow! I had no idea your readership was so little-person-dominated!

For the record, I think I am actually 5'9", but that would put me in the exact same position within your list, so I am fine with your guesstimate.

Also, is H wearing a Glarkware shirt? (The "In Soviet Russia, shirt wears you" one?) I still sort of want the "Good Grammar Costs Nothing" shirt from that site.

L Sass said...

How did "The Florida Tilt" get its name??

AS looks on with me occasionally when I read blogs (although he is not allowed to read mine! I must discuss things such as his Christmas present, surprise bday parties and things that annoy me about him with impunity!) and he is a mere 6'. That lends some diversity to your male readership.

Paisley said...

My sister's best ID photo was taken when she was in mid laugh. Head tilted back, mouth wide open. All you see is her tonsils. Totally hilarious. They refused a do-over.

I'm with I Sass - how did Florida Tilt get its name? Perhaps a good post for H to finally complete?


steve said...

Damn... I missed the opportunity to comment, but it might be just as well since I throw off the male curve with my meager 6'2" height.

Dig the Florida Tilt.

Christine said...

According to my last doctor's appointment I was 5'3.5'' The EXACT average of your readers. I'm not sure what this means.

And LOVE the Florida tilt.

jen said...

Hahahaha, the Florida Tilt is awesome, so badass. And so inappropriate for wedding photos.

I love all people, short and tall, don't get me wrong, but yay for shorties!

Galoot said...

I'm 6'7". My college girlfriend, Sara, was 5'1.5". You and H are like modern versions of us!

Jenny said...

Damn. I guess I am tall after all.

5 foot 71/2 bohemoth Jenny

PS. I was totally going to Will Ferrell but nat beat me to it.

Anonymous said...

I read your blog cause it was recommended to me by Galoot. I'm 5'11" and love every inch of it. I even where heels.

mommiebear2 said...

Okay I was feeling left out so here goes - I am 5'6 :)

metalia said...

Woot! I'm not the wee-est one!

LC said...

I'm 5'3".

And the FL Tilt is awesome!

don't call me MA'AM said...

Yay! I'm a shortie!

The Florida Tilt is awesome. Maybe, a stiff, cold wind will blow and his neck will freeze that way. Then, the DMV people wouldn't be able to say anything to him.