Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Mmmm... Donuts

When I was in first grade, I made a little book about jobs.

Page 1: My dad works for a telephone company.

This was technically true. I remember that on this page I drew a picture of my dad talking on a rotary phone. Why do I remember that?

Page 2: My mom is a stay at home mom.

True. She also worked part-time at the library of a grad school, which meant that twice a week we had a crazy old lady babysitter who was obsessed with The Price Is Right.

Page 3: My Grandpa D. is a retired barber.


Page 4: My Grandpa E. is a retired donut salesman.

WHAT THE HELL? My mom laughed so hard when she read this. She asked me why I wrote that, and I said, "Duh. Because he was a donut salesman."

First of all, what the hell is a donut salesman? Does he go door-to-door with a briefcase full of donuts? Does he wear plaid suit coat and stand at the counter and ask customers, "What's it gonna take to get you to walk out of here with a donut today?"

Second, my Grandpa E. was a retired farmer.

I think I got him confused with the guy on the commercial who had to wake up early and said, "Gotta make the donuts!" I was such a weird child.

Did you have any odd misconceptions when you were younger?


One Smart Cookie said...

I thought that the P with the circle around it and the line through it (the no parking symbol) meant no peeing. I remember thinking it was really strange that people would have to be told not to pee at these places.

Sarah said...

That's so FUNNY! I am laughing at my desk at work and a co-worker just yelled "what is it?" down the hall. You're going to get me fired. At least I'll have a back up career: Donut Salesman.

stefanie said...

I wouldn't say No if a donut salesman came wandering over to my desk right now...

I'm sure I believed all sorts of weird stuff as a kid, but the first one that comes to mind is I remember a kid in my first grade class moving to Watertown, Wisconsin, where I just assumed all the streets were filled with water. (I must have seen pictures of Venice or something.) I thought she'd be taking a boat to school. You know, in Wisconsin.

Operation Pink Herring said...

I was one of those annoying WHYWHYWHYWHYWHY kids. One time I asked my mom why there was a flag outside the firehouse. She told me it was to catch my eye. A few weeks later, she noticed that I was freaking out and covering my eyes anytime we passed a flag. I was terrified that the flags would rip my eyes out if I didn't protect them.

Lawyerish said...

"What's it gonna take for you to walk out of here with a donut today?" GOD, that is funny.

Ok, this is extremely weird, but I distinctly remember thinking that every day my dad went to a big building with a huge wall of windows and went around smashing the windows. Like I thought that was his job.

My dad, for the record, works in international marketing and sales.

No idea.

don't call me MA'AM said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
don't call me MA'AM said...

My grandma worked for a bank as a loan officer, and I thought she owned the bank... because every time we passed a branch, my dad would say, "Look! There's Grandma's bank!" I thought we could have money whenever she wanted to give us some.

(one smart cookie: my youngest thought that the P with the circle meant "no P turns... as opposed to no U turns. Not exactly sure what a P turn would be!)

Now I'm hungry for donuts. Gah.

lizgwiz said...

For the record, I think a door-to-door donut salesman is a fabulous idea. Maybe he could drive around in a truck like the ice cream man. Pull up in front of an office building, play a little tune, and all the corporate worker bees would come running out to get in line for a donut.

You could decorate the wheels of the truck with icing and sprinkles. ;)

L Sass said...

When I was a kid I confused then-President Ronald Reagan with then-CBS News Anchor Dan Rather!

I used to yell, "the president is on tv" when the news came on. (This was back in the days when Rather's hair was still dark.)

3carnations said...

A girl in my class said her father was an engineer, and for years I thought he worked on a train.

boozie said...

When I was a kid, my mom asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said, "a kitchen sink."

Jess said...

Not exactly a misconception, but my mom tells me that when we were moving from Massachusetts to North Carolina when I was four, I asked my mother if we could bring our (in-ground) pool with us. She told me that it's not possible to bring a pool, and apparently I said, "We wouldn't have to bring the WATER. Just the hole!"

Sparkling Cipher said...

There was a factory several miles from my childhood home. When my parents drove by it, I could see the tall stacks with lights on top and conveyor belt sections. It looked like an amusement park to me. I thought my parents were cruel to live so close and never let me go on the big slides.

Cheesehead With Sticks said...

I remember when I was in 4th grade and we had just moved from Utah to Colorado. The teacher was going over the Great Lakes in class one day and I promptly pointed out that she missed one - The Great Salt Lake.


Whiskeymarie said...

When I was 9 or 10 I thought that all baking ingredients that were white were the same, so once I made frosting with flour. No sugar.

The dog wouldn't even eat it.
My Dad still gives me grief about that one.

jen from boston said...

Cannot stop laughing at the donuts salesman/"what's it gonna take to get you to walk out today with a donut?"

Man, your mom must've peed herself.

(atill cannot stop laughing at the visual)

I was a very literal child, grade 3-4ish I thought potheads were, well, people who wore pots on their heads. I had a visual of people walking around with not only pots, but also metal colanders like the one we had at home on the noggins. This made me laugh. Yah, potheads are like, so stupid.

Marmite Breath said...

I'm with everyone else.....the line about "what's it going to take for you to walk out of here with a donut" is a classic. In fact, I recommend that it become your new blog tagline. Please?

My word verification is phdma. Is that a mother who has a ph.D?

alyndabear said...

You know, I can't think of a better job than being a donut salesman.

I need a change of career!

JayAre said...

I am CRYING because I am laughing so hard. I freaking love that you put that in your header. Sweet Jesus.

Lainey said...

Not quite in the same vein, but similar...I'm not sure if you have the same over there, but here in the UK the kids have what we call 'news jotters' where they start the day by writing out something that happened to them. One little girl in my class wrote that her family were going to the seaside when the car broke down and went on fire, daddy didn't have any water to put out the fire so he pee'd on it. She had drawn a picture and everything. I could hardly keep a straight face come parents night.

metalia said...

Retired DONUT salesman? Like, door-to-door? I can't stop giggling. I used to think my dad was an astronaut. I swear. When I was about 4, he showed me a picture of himself in an astronaut suit, and when I asked him about it, he said that yes, he had, in fact, gone into outer space. (In retrospect, it was clearly one of those "head cut out" picture backdrops; I think this one was at the Air and Space Museum or something.) While I never bragged about it or anything, I sincerely did not realize that my father hadn't actually gone into outer space until probably about 10 years later, when the picture resurfaced.


-R- said...

Lainey, that is hilarious! Did you say, "So... I hear you had some car trouble the other day"?

Metalia, you are too cute. And gullible. =)

I love all of your stories!

Anonymous said...

I thought a "Body Shop" was where one went to get a tattoo.

NATALIE said...

When my sister and I were little, my dad would tell us he was on his way to the horse pistol (hospital) when we asked him where he was going. For years, in fact until I moved back home at the age of 27; I never realized he was talking about the hospital. I thought he was going to where the horses raced. (Probably would have figured out earlier, but quit asking where he was going when kids quit being interested, hence forgot all about it until 27...) This is very interesting, because as far as I know, my dad has never been a gambler. Though he was a fan of Kenny Rogers... hmmmmmmmm.