Monday, May 22, 2006


I am giving a toast/speech at my friend's wedding on Saturday. Any advice? Please, I need help.

In honor of the upcoming wedding toast/speech, I will tell you about two weddings I attended where I witnessed speeches of infamy.

The first SOI (speech of infamy) was at a wedding of one of H's friends. The bride's two sisters talked for about five minutes. They were wasted. They were young and blonde. At the end of the speech, one of the sisters made a semi-racist comment. All heads in the room swiveled to look at the two non-white people in the room, who happened to be sitting next to me. I did not look over at them, but I believe they just pretended like they hadn't heard the comment. For the record, both the bride and groom looked horrified at the sister's comment.

After the bridesmaids' SOI, the best man stood to talk. We were all waiting for him to finish talking so that we could start our meal. But he kept talking. And talking. And talking. And talking. After at least five minutes, the guy next to me whispered, "At the next pause, just start clapping." So when the best man took a deep breath, our table started applauding, and everyone joined in. Everyone clapped until the best man finally raised his glass in a toast, and we succesfully ended another SOI.

Tomorrow: Tales of the Tackiest SOIs Ever


Stinkypaw said...

I think weddings bring out the worst in people.
The fist and most important rule is to be brief. Be careful of too flamboyant oratory style. Be prepared. Make sure that your toast/speech is appropriate to the group and remember not to embarassed yourself nor the poeple you're toasting... if you want to see them again! Good luck!

Paisley said...

That is awesome that people just started clapping. What a snoozer. I hate that stuff so much. I hope I never have to give a wedding toast. :)

I wish I could just start clapping in other situations... hee hee

PreppyGirl said...

A friend of mine went to a wedding where the best man got up, said a few words then said something like, "okay, now that Bob is no longer on the market I want all of you out there with a key to his place to return it right now." The best man had planted keys on about 30 female wedding guests and they all got up one by one and brought the keys over to the head table. Near the end an elderly woman got up which got a big laugh, then the last key came from a guy. It was classic!

Sarah said...

I say short, sweet and sincere. That always gets me. Maybe even get teary eyed? Work it!

-R- said...

Stinky, good advice!

Paisley, there are soooo many meetings I go to where I would love to just start clapping while other people are talking. I wish I were brave enough to try this.

Preppy, that is so funny. I would have loved to see that.

Sarah, also good advice. I am known to tear up when I try to give sincere speeches, so I think there is a 98% chance of some tears occurring.

schneids said...


love how you clapped to end a long speech. Excellent idea.

I was glad that my wedding did not make it on your SOI list. Phew!

schneids said...

Love what Preppy said. That would be so hilarious!!!