Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Thirteen Things

A continuation on the apparent theme of the week:

Thirteen Words or Phrases Not to Use in a Wedding Toast

1. genetalia

2. ex-boyfriend (or ex-girlfriend)

3. ex-husband (or ex-wife)

4. STD

5. racist language (I admit this is not a phrase, but apparently some people need to be reminded that it is not appropriate for a wedding toast - and that it is NEVER appropriate)

6. testicles

7. orgy

8. conquest

9. Kenny Chesney butt pictures (don't worry- the link is not to any pictures!)

10. arrest, conviction, or rap sheet (as in "Remember the time you got arrested?" or "I knew you two were meant to be when you stayed together despite the multiple arrests")

11. bikini wax

12. "I was so surprised to see that the bride actually wore white."

13. macarena

Can you think of any words that I am forgetting?


Yez said...

12-step programs?

Amy said...

oh those had me laughing! could you imagine someone saying STD during a wedding speech? oh wow! Thanks for the laughs (oh and 5 quotes isn't bad!!!!) thanks for visiting!

Anonymous said...

excellent list! Hope you haven't actually heard any of these in a wedding toast.

Stinkypaw said...

...and NEVER mentioned that you had sex with either of them!

stefanie said...

"Divorce," maybe?

Incidentally, I have to give a speech/toast at a wedding in a few months too, and I'm already fretting that I have NO idea what to say.

schneids said...

***throwing away my latest draft of a wedding speech***

Melli said...

Thankfully I have only attended weddings that came off gracefully and beautifully! I think I would die of embarassment for all involved if I attending anything VAGUELY resembling your next two posts down!

Carmen said...

Oh come on. Kenny Chesney butt pictures is an appropriate topic for ANY conversation! ;)

Mrs. Cranky Pants said...

What a funny list. I have to ask though, what made you come up with these. Just wondering.

Libragirl said...

Addict, whore, and my favorite

Your mother in law is insane.

Never good.

Natsthename said...

Yes, I'd have to say I agree with every single word! ;)

TNChick said...

and I wanted to see the butt photo of Kenny.


-R- said...

Yez, I never would have thought of that,but it is an excellent choice.

Amy, I will probably not work that into the toast on Saturday.

Lisa, oh, but I have.

Paw, another good point!

Stefanie, you don't think it would be ok to say, "Call me in a few years, after the divorce"? Good luck with your upcoming speech!

Schneids, stay out of trouble at the wedding this weekend!

Melli, it is mortifying at the time, but it makes good stories!

Carmen, I do try to bring up Kenny Chesney butt pictures as often as possible. (By the way, there were only two searches for it on my site. I guess he or she gave up.)

Mrs. CP, read the posts from Monday and Tuesday, and you will see.

Libra, you are right. Even if it is true.

Natalie, thanks!

TNchick, maybe next time?

Red said...

Anything disclosed after "remember that time that we..." is usually never good news for anyone present. Great list!

Sarah said...

I'd stay away from the word "moist." I don't know how it would come up in a wedding toast but good lord, I hate that word.