Suck It, Nablopomo

My mom is here, and she has not yet made any comments about our house being dirty, so we are off to a good start. I have been lectured on paying off my mortgage and told that I should have started defrosting the turkey earlier, but whatever. Cheesy potatoes and stuffing are resting in the refrigerator, waiting to be cooked tomorrow. Pumpkin pie will be made tonight, hopefully before Project Runway starts. And I was super grumpy at work today but was able to resist the urge to punch several people in the face, so there you go.

Championship

I am exhausted. One more day of work this week. Thank freaking goodness.

My client was talking about "adult toys" today, and I busted out laughing. Turns out he meant things like snowmobiles and jetskis. Professionalism = me.

A coworker stared at my boobs on at least 3 different occasions today. It was weird. Especially since I was wearing a really high crewneck with a jacket over it. No boobage was visible. I got kind of pissed off and was ready to say, "My eyes are up here, buddy." But at that point he must have gotten over it because he stopped ogling the boobs.

This Post Took Me An Hour To Write, And It Still Sucks

I have been asked by 3carnations to write seven weird or odd or some such adjective things about myself.

While I am sure there are a ton of weird things, I am having trouble coming up with new weird things. I will do my best.

1. I have been -R- Marriedname for over two years now, but every once in a while, usually when talking on the phone at work, I will refer to myself as -R- Maidenname. And then I usually yell out, "Marriedname! -R- Marriedname!" and the person on the other side of the conversation is so glad that he or she has a smart person like me as his or her lawyer.

2. I have a favorite television commercial. It is the one where a bunch of guys are doing a draft for their fantasy football team, and one guy says, "TJ Hoshamizode. Lock it up!" It is probably pretty pathetic that I have a favorite television commercial, so I won't tell you that I say, "TJ Who's your mama. Lock it up!" all the time.

Do you care that H has a favorite commercial too? It is the one where the deli guy tries to order meat, and the supplier says they are out. The deli guy asks, "What, did your wife wolf it down for breakfast?" This makes H laugh every single time.

3. I rarely, if ever, buy clothes that are the right size. I almost always buy them too big and realize after I've worn them 50 times that they don't fit properly. I don't know if it is some weird kind of body image issue or if I am just dumb.

4. I love banana pudding with pieces of real banana in it, but I can't eat a banana by itself. Eating a banana by itself is disgusting. I think it's the texture. Bleck.

5. See also: pineapples. Barf.

6. I am not very good at buying presents for people.

7. I joined a group for 20something bloggers. I am still trying to figure it out and have no idea what I am doing. Why did I join? I have no idea.

To join, you are required to write something about yourself. Here is what I wrote:
I like spaghetti, juggling, Chuck Norris, mittens, Chuck Norris wearing mittens, stupid About Me sections, Jim Halpert, and Guitar Hero.

You also have to complete the following sentence: "People who like ____ will love my blog!" Right now, I have filled in the blank with "sharks." Other suggestions are greatly appreciated.

I Have No Title For These Ramblings

I bet you are on the edge of your seat. Did I stay up to finish my work on Sunday night/Monday morning, or did I go to sleep? Neither! I decided to go to bed, but then I couldn't fall asleep until sometime after 3:30 a.m., so I managed to not get any more work done AND not get any sleep. Smooth move there, -R-! But my project is now finished, and I am happy, so there was a good conclusion for everyone involved. Everyone meaning me, as I was the only person involved. But anyway. I don't think I have ever actually pulled an all-nighter. There have been times that I stayed up late (maybe 3 a.m.?), but then I just give up and go to bed. I am not what you would call hardcore.

H is very proud of himself because he called into a radio station today and got on the air. We just listened to it on the computer, and it was very cute manly. The radio people were discussing a recent case, and H called in to comment on some legal aspect of the case. He also totally lied about where he lived, for no real reason other than he is random. He also gives his name as "Diego" whenever he has to make a reservation at a restaurant. His name is not Diego. Nor is his name uncommon or hard to pronounce. H just likes to live on the edge by having a reservation-making alter ego.

H has also decided that if he were to become a boxer or UFC fighter, his name would be H "Let's Talk It Out" Lastname, and he would walk into the ring to the song "Why Can't We Be Friends." I think I would be -R- "The Bow Hunter" Lastname, and my song would be "Cat Scratch Fever." I also have a strategy. It mainly involves pretending to faint as soon as the first round starts and then just staying down.

Heeeeeeeeeey Yoooooooou Guuuuuuuuuys!

When it is 1 am and you are awake working on a stupid case that you now kind of regret volunteering for, you start thinking quotes from The Goonies are really hilarious. You may also invent an awesome new dance called The Bow Hunter. This is a two person dance. One partner does a loose interpretation of a moose by dancing with their arms above their head and their palms open. Then the second partner holds their left arm out straight in front of them, pulls an imaginary arrow out of the imaginary quiver on their back, puts their right arm straight out next to the left arm, and then pulls the right arm back towards their chest like they are shooting an arrow. Best Dance Ever (that was invented by a sleep deprived crazy person at 1 am)! Do you think H will do this dance with me at his brother's wedding in two weeks? (I will be the hunter, obviously.) I will have to get him really liquored up first. Of course, I will already be very liquored up because that is what I like to do at H's family's weddings. Don't worry, H's family won't notice the level of my inebriation because they will all be quite wasted themselves. Good times!

I am not making fun of H's family. I am just pointing out that they are a good Irish Catholic family that enjoys a drink at weddings now and then. Unlike my tiny family, where we do not even attend each other's weddings. Good times!

I am still not done with my work. Do I stay up and try to finish it, thus probably adding crazy gobbeldy good and occasional references to The Bow Hunter? Or do I try to wake up early in the morning to get it done, but then hit my snooze button 50 times and end up late for work?

Stay tuned.

I am feeling grumpy and anti-social. I've been feeling like this for about a week, which you probably wouldn't guess from my activities in the last seven days: friends over for the 4th, lunch with friends on my birthday, out-of-town guests visiting, lunch with coworkers Friday, BBQ with friends Friday, hanging out with other friends Saturday, dinner Sunday with 3 other couples, and dinner last night with 2 other couples. Thank you, grumpiness. Excellent timing. It's not that I didn't have fun spending time with all these people. I did. And I am glad we did all the above-listed events. I can't explain it except to say that I am grumpy and tired, but I did enjoy hanging out with my friends, and if they hadn't invited me to spend time with them, I would be even more grumpy and anti-social right now. I am also trying to plan a BBQ at our house in the near future, but I can't figure out when to have it. I have a crippling fear that no one will come, so I keep changing the date for it. Yay, I am a neurotic, grumpy freak! Whee!

Ummm... yeah.

Speaking of freaks, one of the blankets in our living room is possessed. H and I were playing Guitar Hero last night, and the blanket on the couch started moving. By itself. The blanket was shifting so that it looked like an animal the size of a basketball was under the blanket taking deep breaths. I pictured a basketball-sized frog. Because I am a logical thinker.

H started freaking out. "Get me a knife!" he yelled.

"No!" I responded. I did not want him killing some scary animal in our living room.

But H found a knife and ended up stabbing the blanket several times before realizing that no small animal had snuck into our house and onto the couch where we had been sitting 15 minutes earlier. (Thank goodness.) I am just glad H was the irrational one for once.

Celebration! We're Gonna Celebrate and Have a Good Time! Come On!

Happy Independence Day to all of you (also affectionately referred to in many nations as the Day Before -R-'s Birthday)!

I have already begun the birthday celebrations. Today my assistant bought bagels for the Breakfast Birthday Celebration. Then one of my boss's took me out to lunch for the Lunch Birthday Celebration. And then after work I went to the mall for the Ann Taylor Loft Birthday Celebration, where I bought two skirts for $27.50. The sale is buy one sale item, get another sale item for half price, so one of the skirts ended up costing $7.50! Then I came home, and my dad had sent flowers for the official Floral Birthday Celebration. I am not sure yet what we are going to do tomorrow besides attempt to watch two fireworks displays at once (the Fireworks Birthday Celebration). Then it is my actual birthday, and Double G is coming to town for the Best Friend Birthday Celebration. Finally, on Saturday, H and I are going out for the Official Birthday Dinner. Considering that my 25th birthday was spent taking an official practice bar exam, I believe that I deserve all the birthday fanfare, even though my 25th birthday was 3 years ago. Plus, I am special. [Insert rap face here.]

All the birthday celebrations mean one thing: my mom's birthday is on Monday! Help! I asked my sister for gift ideas, but my sister said, "My specialty is Christmas, not birthdays." Are there any birthday specialists out there? I need something that is NOT a knick-knack. My mom's hobbies are golf and reading. She has expensive (or expensive-looking, she loves a good deal) taste. She is not good with technology. She enjoys long walks on the beach and drinking champagne in the moonlight. Oh wait. I think I got off topic there.