Things H Said After Receiving Heavy Doses of Narcotics at the Hospital

1. Can I get a videotape of the procedure?
2. I know my friends will really want to watch a video of the procedure.
3. I can moderate my own heart rate. Watch!
4. Mmmm... I love morphine.
5. It would be awesome if we could get a tape of the procedure.
6. I could drive better right now [semi-sedated] than you can drive normally.
7. Do you think they would give me more morphine if I asked?
8. You look really beautiful. [He actually says this to me all the time. Awww.]
9. Fjeklagnjkanjgresalfj.
10. Have the doctor come out here and tell me I have cancer [when H could not stop hiccupping - he thought this would scare him and make the hiccups stop, but the nurse thought he was a little psycho].

Security!

In the store I walk through every day to get to my office, there are security guards on duty all day every day. There is one (uniformed) security guard per day, and the store must make the guards work at least 12 hours shifts because the same one who is there when I get to work at 8:30 am is always there when I leave at 7 pm or so. This store has 4 security guards:
1. The Woman
2. Young, Cute Security Guard
3. The Mullet
4. The Older Gentleman

The Woman, Young Cutie, and The Mullet all say good morning and good night to me every day, which I enjoy. I like to greet them because I think it must be lonely to stand all day and have strangers ignore you as they walk right by you. The Older Gentleman does not like to acknowledge the people passing by. I think he is concentrating on his work and has no time for pleasantries. He always looks polite, but he does not make eye contact.

Today The Mullet was on duty. His hair is not styled in a true mullet. His hair is trimmed very short, like it is buzzed close to his head. EXCEPT at the nape of his neck, there is a row of curls. I like to imagine him getting ready for work in the morning, pulling out his tiny curling iron to make sure the row of curls is just right.

Why I Did Not Become a Professional Gymnast

Today, I met a friend for lunch. I was fearful of getting lost in the skyway (though I am getting much better at navigating, it still occasionally happens), so I decided to just walk outside for a minute to get to the restaurant. I was waiting on the curb for the light to change, and I looked pretty cute, if I do say so myself. I actually wore a skirt today, a cute sweater, and high heels. The light changed, and I attempted to step out into the street. My heel got stuck in a crack, and my body lunged forward, while my leg stayed firmly in place behind me. I landed on the street in quite an awkward position. Of course, only about 100 people saw. I tried to stand back up and pretend like I was fine, but I couldn't get up. After what seemed like a minute but was really only about 2 seconds, I was able to get up and hobble across the street. I showed up for lunch not looking quite as cute. My ankle is still killing me, but I don't think it has swollen yet. I keep looking at it to see if it looks ok, and I keep thinking it is gross and mis-shapen. But then I look at my other ankle, and it looks the same.

So tired...

Yesterday, we babysat two nephews all day while their parents skiied. One boy is three months old and the other is two and a half years old. They are so adorable. The baby SCREAMED for the first two hours, but kind of calmed down after that. I played with the 2 year old while H dealt with the little screamer, and it was a lot of fun. After the baby calmed down, I took over baby patrol while H told the older brother to McDonald's and to Walgreens (to get my birth control refill - seriously). We had a good time, but I was sooo ready for a drink when the boys' parents came to get them. I will be happy to watch the boys again, but I think I want to wait until after the baby has gone through the whole teething process and the older one is out of diapers. Yikes, how do you parents do it???

Go Duke!

I love college basketball season! The game versus the Terps wasn't even close tonight, but I enjoyed watching it anyway.

Note to Dick Vitale: We get it. You are in love with Coach K and want to marry him. That is fine. But you don't need to discuss it throughout the whole entire game. It gets a little old.

Sleeptalking

Scene: Bedroom, 1 a.m. I have been asleep for an hour or two. H enters.

H: Are you awake?
Me: Hrkjkljlkjbjsasfbt.
H: What?
Me: Hrkjkljlkjbjsasfbt.
H: What?
Me: [angry] You heard what I said!

I continue to sleep.

And scene.