Everything and Nothing

Because I am a dork, I had to make a little chart of where all you readers live.

Top Ten(-ish) Locations
1. New York - 10
2. Minnesota - 6
3. California - 5
3. Texas - 5
3. Canada - 5
6. Washington (state) - 4
6. Washington, DC - 4
8. Massachusetts - 3
9. Australia - 3
9. Maryland - 2
9. Michigan - 2
9. Nebraska - 2
9. Oklahoma - 2
9. Pennsylvania - 2
9. Virginia - 2
9. Wisconsin - 2

Honorable Mentions(aka places with one reader)
Arizona
Colorado
Connecticut
Georgia
New Jersey
South Carolina
Tennessee
Japan
Italy
Scotland

Isn't that so cool??? I feel like I should introduce you people who live "near" other readers now and then I can be a weird blog-friend matchmaker. Not really.

And now it is time to award the honor of H's Favorite Delurker. This honor goes to Funessa, who wrote (in part):
"So, I live just north of Seattle now, but I'm originally from Chicago. So I LOVE that 'H' calls Wisconsinites Sconnies (I know a lot of 'em, since I went to school with a bunch of 'em in Chicago). Never heard the term, though. But it has become my go-to phrase to describe obnoxious drunks (regardless of where they're from)."
I am afraid that H's Favorite Delurker will also be Stefanie's Least Favorite Delurker, but since this is not her blog, I am guessing Funessa will be ok with that.

Before I let H make too much fun of Sconnies, I would like to note that H got drunk on Saturday by drinking two margaritas. Yes, my husband is a total lightweight. Now, in his defense, the first margarita was pretty big and H was pretty dehydrated. But should two margaritas cause you to recline your seat all the way in the car on the way home, take off your shoes, change the radio station with your feet over and over, and giggle like a little girl? I vote no. (In case you are worried, I was the one driving, not H.)

I promised you some pictures of the holiday house in my neighborhood, so here you go.


Obviously, as there is still visible grass in their yard, they are not done decorating.

Friend or Foe

First of all, happy October. You know what October means, right? The Holiday House is back! I tried to take pictures today, but they didn't come out very well. I will try again tomorrow.

In other news, a coworker friend (the one who thinks she has a bad haircut) and I had a not very serious at all discussion about friendship. We were talking about the awkwardness of determining how close you are with other people. We decided that the only way to find out how close you are with someone is to bring up an embarrassing topic or make an inappropriate comment and see how the other person reacts. This can be great, like when you discover that the other person really gets your sense of humor, or it can be very awkward, like when you discover that the other person thinks you are a freak. My friend and I have decided that to avoid the awkwardness, we are going to develop a Friendship Questionnaire to hand out to all the people we like (because handing out a questionnaire totally won't be awkward at all). The questionnaire is below.

1. How close is your relationship to me?
a. We are BFF!
b. Close friends
c. Friends
d. Friendly acquaintances
e. I used to like her until she gave me this questionnaire, and now I think she is a freak.
f. Mortal enemies

2. What topics do you feel comfortable discussing with me (repeatedly)?
a. Times I embarrassed myself
b. Boring stories about my work
c. My blog (if you do not know I have a blog, please ignore this option)
d. My love for Ann Taylor Loft
e. The Holiday House
f. Times I winked at my nemesis (also see option 2a above)
g. Pam and Jim (aka PB&J)

Obviously, my coworker friend and I are BFF and can discuss (and have discussed) all of the above topics, except for 2c.

I Am Too A Winner

Not a lot of new info tonight. I am up kind of late, but that is because we had dinner with friends at their condo in Minneapolis. I got to tell my banjo sex story, which was inspired by my friends' neighbors. Apparently their upstairs neighbors are swingers who enjoy Dave Matthews, and that is all I will say about that.

My neighbors, on the other hand, are freaks who yell at LDS missionaries and still have their Christmas decorations up despite the fact that the temperature has been in the 50s, all the snow has melted, and IT IS AFTER ST PATRICK'S DAY. The Holiday House has its Easter decorations up, and yet my neighbors still think it is Christmas.

Would you like to hear about the time I think I was invited to participate in a threesome, or possibly a foursome? Ok, I will tell you. In college, one of my best friends had a lot of classes with a girl we shall call Meather. Meather was a little weird. Meather invited my friend over to her apartment one day, and my friend asked me to go with her since I live in the same apartment complex as Meather. So we went to Meather's apartment, and Meather said, "Come on in! My boyfriend is in the bedroom." So Meather, my friend, and I hung out in the living room, and as I was about to sit on the papasan chair, Meather said, "That chair is a really comfortable place to do it." So then I sat on the couch.

"Come on into the bedroom," Meather said. I looked at my friend, who gave me a scared look, and we entered the bedroom. Meather's boyfriend was in the bed, under the covers. Meather said, "We just had sex and were about to watch Eyes Wide Shut. Y'all should watch with us."

"Oh," I said, "I would love to, but I really have to go right this second."

"Me too," said my friend.

Meather tried to convince us to stay, but we basically sprinted out of the apartment.

Really, I don't know why you needed to know that, and yet, I am sharing it with you.

In more recent news, I am a winner on two counts. First of all, Laura won a free ticket on Blingo, which means I won a free movie ticket too! Aw yeah.

Secondly, Jenny, who is a hilarious blogger, gave me an award. Despite the fact that I have not been blogging much and my last post (and this one too!) totally sucked. She is so sweet.

I am hoping that I will have more time to blog this week, so stay tuned. I may also have to go back through old post and close the comments on them because I am getting spam, so if you see that I have updated 50 times, you will know what is going on. I am not that prolific.

Love,
-R-

I Am Also Thankful for Robot Movies

So it is late, and I want to go to bed because I just finished some really, really boring work and I am tired and H is like, "COME TO BED ALREADY," but I am not going to be able to post again for several days, so I must get one more post out before I go. I like to think you care and would miss it if I didn't post, but in reality, you are probably thinking, "Eh." Or you could be thinking, "What does it mean when a guy says don't call me I'll call you?" because that is the exact search phrase someone just used to find my blog. And, dear searcher, it means that you should not call him, and he is not going to call you. No one really says this though, I hope. But then why is someone searching for this? I don't know. Where was I? Oh, NOWHERE BECAUSE I AM JUST BABBLING.

It's almost Thanksgiving so I should probably talk about things for which I am thankful.

I am thankful that I was not involved in the horrible accident I witnessed this morning. There was only one car in between me and a dump truck that went crazy and dumped an entire truckful of sand into the middle of the street while taking out a street light and the entire metal post and arm connected to the light.

I am thankful that I will get to spend time with my mom, her s.o., my sister, and H this weekend.

I am thankful that Jenny introduced me to beergaritas.

I am thankful for all the comments on my blog.

I am thankful for wonderful friends like the Gopester who reads my blog but doesn't comment. (Secret note for G: a certain high school coach never did contact me though he apparently stalks you on the internet. How rude!)

I am thankful for my job.

I am thankful for free tickets to a really fun college basketball game this weekend.

I am thankful for Diet Dr Pepper. And regular Dr Pepper. But not Caffeine Free Diet Dr Pepper.

I am thankful that the Holiday House is decorating for Christmas this year! Already there are lights up, and there is a little fence-type thing made of giant plastic candy canes.

For what are you thankful?

Sunday Ramblings

I want to post something for you to read, but I am not feeling well, and staring at the monitor is making me kind of dizzy. This is not good. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow or work will be quite unpleasant.

So H and I have decided that this is the week that we are actually going to start getting up early and working out before going to work. I am optimistic that we can do it. Of course, I am optimistic every week when we make these same plans.

We bought Christmas presents for 5 of the 7 nieces and nephew today. Now we just have to get something for the other 2, my sister, my parents, and H's parents. Do you buy your parents presents for Christmas or Hannukah? If so, what do you usually get them. For my dad, I usually get a gift certificate or something golf-related. Last year, we got my mom and H's parents movie baskets, with a couple of DVDs, popcorn, movie candy, and a bottle of wine. But I have no idea what to get this year. This should not be a surprise since I can't even decide what to ask for myself.

Ok, I have to go do some laundry now. Damn, my life is so thrilling.

PS The Holiday House now has a giant inflatable dragon set up in the driveway.

For Those Who Doubted Me

You will notice in the second picture that I have drawn an arrow pointing out a sign that The Holiday House has hung on the mock fence. This sign indicates that some items were stolen from the yard of The Holiday House. I am not sure exactly what was taken, but the giant gargoyle is no longer in the yard. I think it would have been very difficult to steal a 5 foot tall gargoyle, so maybe it was just damaged in the robbery? Anyway, the whole yard has been reorganized. It is still looking Hallow-tastic, and there are new additions to the yard. I just hope the owners have not informed the police that there is a creepy girl in a Mazda who keeps taking pictures of the house, so please question her. I am only guilty of enjoying the craziness that is The Holiday House.

The Holiday House

The quickest way to get to my house involves driving past a few strange houses in my neighborhood. My favorite is The Holiday House. But first I will show you my least favorite house. In September 2005, when we moved in, the least favorite house had no decorations up. And then for Christmas, they put some lights up... around the middle of their house. It seemed kind of weird, but I thought that they must be putting the lights around the middle of the house so that they would be easy to take down in January even if it was icy. But no. Here is what the house looked like in April 2006.



This is also what the house looks like now. Christmas lights around the middle of their house ALL YEAR ROUND. Lovely.

And now I bring you THIRTEEN THINGS CURRENTLY IN THE YARD OF THE HOLIDAY HOUSE:

1. Fake metal fence around the entire yard.
2. Skulls on poles surrounding the entire yard.
3. Tombstones.
4. Decapitated kneeling bride.
5. Vampire groom standing over the bride.
6. Skeleton in a bed.
7. Grim reaper looking over the skeleton in a bed.
8. Ghoul waiter.
9. Two ghouls being served dinner by ghoul waiter at a fancy table.
10. Giant coffin.
11. Five foot tall inflatable gargoyle with flashing red eyes.
12. Ghosts hanging from trees.
13. Orange lights and flood lights and all kind of lights.


This picture does not capture the true craziness that is The Holiday House. I will try to take another picture for you tomorrow.

So last year when we saw The Holiday House in all its Halloween glory, H and I got really excited to see what The House would do for Christmas. Because if they go this crazy for Halloween, they must just have real live reindeer in their yard at Christmas.

And then in December... Nothing. Not a single decoration for Christmas or Hannukah. Ok, so maybe they are not religious. Not a big deal. But then in the Spring...



WTF? Who decorates for EASTER but not for CHRISTMAS? Answer: The Holiday House.

(This was only the beginning of the decorating. They like to put out a little decoration each day.)

PS The Holiday House requests that people bring nonperishable food items and put them in the coffin for donation to local food shelters. Last year, The Holiday House collected several hundred pounds of food (according to the sign in their yard.)