Way Back Machine

A Summary of the Last Thirteen Months, as Told By the First Line of the First Entry in My Blog For the Last Thirteen Months

Alternate Title: I Have Nothing New To Write Today

1. March 2006: When I was in college, I decided to go running with some girls from my dorm.

2. April 2006: Some pictures from the Sweet Sixteen last week: Boston College v. Villanova - At this point, both teams are out of the tournament, but I just finally got these pictures on Flickr.

3. May 2006: I was stressed out today.

4. June 2006: I have been home alone since 5:30 tonight.

5. July 2006: The wedding was really fun, our touristy travels through DC were good, my birthday was rainy but enjoyable.

6. August 2006: 1. I am happy when it rains because, "The lawn really needs a good rain."

7. September 2006: It was just a little rainy...

8. October 2006: It is about 2:30 pm.

9. November 2006: So lots of people are signing up for this Post Every Day in November Event.

10. December 2006: People at my office rarely, if ever, take sick days.

11. January 2007: The holiday season is finally over for H and me.

12. February 2007: My version of a Venn diagram.

13. March 2007: Here it is, your moment of zen.

Note to self: Work on topic sentences.

More Questions

It has been a while since I have done a good ol' Thursday Thirteen, so I am going to try one today. But first, if you haven't responded to the questions in my last post, go check those out and leave me a comment so that you can be on the Quandrant o' Awesomeness. I would link to my last post, but apparently Blogger hates me right now, so I can't. If you are unable to leave me a comment, send me an e-mail at the address at the top of my site, and I will be sure to include you in the QoA.

As I was saying, I am overdue for a Thursday Thirteen. I was going to test out a new phenomenon mentioned by Stefanie the other day by asking Google questions and using it as my Magic 8-Ball. I asked four questions, and it was so boring that I will not subject you to a discussion of what I found. Instead, I will list 13 questions that I wish Google could answer for me.

1. How can I get a new contact prescription without actually going to the eye doctor?
2. How much is it going to snow tomorrow, and is it worth going in to work, or will I just end up stuck on the bus all day because of the stupid snow?
3. If I were going to try out for American Idol, what song should I sing (other than the theme song to Green Acres)?
4. Do you like my new coat?
5. Isn't it way better than that giant white puffy one pictured below in my photos from SuperTarget?
6. Will H ever actually post on this blog?
7. Or will he keep promising to me that he will write something but then never do it?
8. Why haven't I done anything embarrassing lately that I can write about?
9. Do you hate me because question 8 ends in a preposition?
10. Is it bad that I kind of have a crush on George Michael Bluth from Arrested Development?
11. Is everyone going to think I'm a perv because last week I was pretending like it was ok for a 26 year-old woman to date a high school senior, and now I am admitting my crush on a too young for me (and fictional!) high school student?
12. Should I keep my hair the length that it is or grow it out a little bit more?
13. Why don't I have anything interesting to write?

The 2006 Review

I am thinking about doing my own Project 365, but like Laurie, I am unsure whether to do it or not.

Reasons I might do it: it would be cool to have a record of every day of 2007, the end result might be cool

Reasons I might not do it: I am not a great photographer, I hate stopping to take pictures of things when I am with other people, I might get tired and give up on it, the end result might suck

Looking at that defeatist list makes me want to try. So I think I shall. I doubt I will post all the pictures here, but I may share some of the good ones. I have no idea yet what the end result will be. Maybe a post on December 31, 2007 of a collage of all the photos. Or maybe just an online record of my year. I don't feel like I have to decide that yet. And now for my thirteen, I shall steal some questions from Lawyerish's post tonight.

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before? Stay married for a whole year. Work at the same job for a whole year (the last job was only 51 weeks). Serve as a bridesmaid (twice). Attend a Hindu wedding.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I just looked through my blog archives to see if I had any resolutions. So obviously if I made them I didn't keep them, or I only kept them accidentally. I don't think I made any last year though. This year, my resolution is to treat people the way I want to be treated. Kind of hard to measure, but I think it's a good goal.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My friend who I met while we were studying abroad in Ireland gave birth this year. Her baby is the cutest baby ever. Sorry, Stefanie, but she is. I admit that Megan is extremely cute though.

4. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006? A vacation where I can just sit by the pool or ocean and read. I want to go somewhere warm and relax! Also, a bookcase in our home office.

5. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? May 28 was my Texas friend's wedding. It was gorgeous and fun and Texas-y. July 2 was Double_G's wedding. It was beautiful and unique and Indian-y. September 3 was our first anniversary. So apparently weddings are very important to me.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Staying happily married. Not that we had a rough time or anything. I am just very proud of our relationship. H is really my best friend. (I apologize if lame cliches make you barf.)

7. What was your biggest failure? Losing 5 pounds and then gaining back 10 pounds. I am back to exercising almost every day and paying attention to what I eat. Hopefully, I can lose 15 pounds by the end of March (my arbitrary deadline). When I told H I wanted to lose 15 pounds, he asked, "Why not 20?" Please see Item 6 above. (He was not being mean; he just doesn't think about how he says certain things.)

8. What was the best thing you bought? Our bedroom set. I feel like an adult and not like a college kid now.

9. Whose behavior merited celebration? H's. Not only is he a wonderful person, but he has lost 35 pounds! He has worked really hard to change his diet and exercise more. Of course, I think he was hot before, and he is still hot. I am just proud of all his effort and discipline.

10. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? Lindsay Lohan. You were so cute in "Mean Girls"! What happened?

11. Where did most of your money go? Our house. I love it though, so it is worth it.

12. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Guitar Hero. Pam and Jim's kiss.

13. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer? Happier, fatter, and richer. May 2007 bring more of the same. Except for the fat.

When I Saw My Haircut, A Certain F Word Came to Mind

Before I do my Thursday list, let me first tell you a little story. I decided to get a haircut today. I have been thinking about it for a while and realized that I would actually be able to leave work in time to get a haircut tonight, so I made a quick appointment and met with a new stylist. I said that I would like shoulder-length hair. The stylist asked if I would like layers. I said yes. She asked if I would like long layers. I said yes. The stylist confirmed that I wanted shoulder-length hair with long layers.

Does this look like shoulder-length hair with long layers to you?

I am pretty sure that my chin is above my shoulders, so the fact that my hair is now above my chin does not make me happy at all. It is ugly. I am mad. Mad and ugly. I can't wait for all the Christmas pictures.


So anyway, for my thirteen things today, I am going to list thirteen things that start with the letter F and make me happy. I have done something similar before, but this time I got a letter from Stefanie. Lots of other people have done this as well, including Malia.

Anyway, here we go.

1. frankfurters at baseball games- I love going to baseball games. Especially College World Series games. And franks taste best outside.

2. friends- I am so lucky to have a few people that have stuck with me despite my moodiness and general craziness, and I am so glad to have them in my life. I am also grateful for new friends. Nothing can cheer me up or make me happy the way a friend with a good story can.

3. frozen yogurt- Ben & Jerry's frozen yogurt is deliciously wonderful.

4. Frappaccinos- the perfect summer treat and a good reason to take a break at work.

5. family- My family is small, but I know that I can depend on them no matter what.

6. fancy dinners (that I don't have to cook)

7. freedom- Don't worry. I'm not going to break out into a song by Lee Greenwood.

8. Foo Fighters- I will not break out into a song by the Foo Fighters either.

9. fabulous haircuts that look nice and are actually shoulder-length

10. French cheese- Camembert is my favorite despite number 3 on this list.

11. Falk, Peter- I love Columbo. I like the mystery aspect, the pace of the storyline, and the way he makes people think he is dumb in order to trip them up. You think I'm a dork now, don't you? [As though you didn't think that before you read this.]

12. fermented grapes- Kind of a stretch, and yet, I don't care.

13. free food- What can I say? I am stingy.

I Do It All For You

Thirteen Pearls Of Wisdom I Think It Is My Duty To Share With You

Alternate Title: Thirteen Things I Have Learned the Hard Way, But Only For Your Benefit

1. Do not use the finger with which you just applied Carmex to your lips to wipe your eye five seconds letter.
2. Your eye will start watering like a mofo, and basically, your eye will just start crying.
3. That will also be the exact moment your coworker will come into your office to ask how your annual review went.

4. When, during an interview, the interviewer admits that she is 50, try not to look super shocked.
5. If you do look super shocked, pretend that it is because you thought she was much younger, and not, in fact, because she actually looks at least 75.

6. When you are wearing glasses, make sure that you look through the lenses when you are trying to judge how high a curb is.
7. If you do end up falling into the street, try to get up quickly.

8. Try to focus on what people are saying during a meeting.
9. Otherwise, you might start thinking of something really funny that happened about three years ago, and then you might try to stifle a laugh and end up snorting.
10. Fake coughs will not disguise the fact that you just snorted.

11. When you are speaking with a group of judges, do not end the conversation by saying, "Thanks, guys!"

12. Check out links on the blogs you like, in both the sidebar and in the comments.
13. You may find some new blogs that you will fall in love with, like Metalia or LizLand.

My 200th Post!

Thirteen Things I Worry About But Shouldn't

1. What should I bring to H's friend's get-together on Friday?
2. Well, I am already planning on bringing a bottle of Boone's Farm (no, I'm serious; I owe him a bottle), but what besides that?
3. Where can I buy non-itchy pantyhose that is inexpensive? Target stopped selling normal brand pantyhose, and I don't want to go to a department store because it will be too expensive and I will probably get a run in the hose the first time I wear it.
4. When am I finally going to get my two new pairs of pants hemmed? Will my tailor lady remember that I made an appointment over a month ago and then forgot to show up? Will she be pissed?
5. What should I wear for my couple-date on Saturday night?
6. What if H says something weird and then the female half of the couple is scared to hang out with me at work? I only have two friends at work; I can't afford to lose one! (Ok, I do actually have a bunch of friendly acquaintances, but only two people I call to complain to or to get coffee with.)
7. What if I say something weird and then the female half of the couple is scared to hang out with me at work? (By the way, neither H nor I work with the male half of the couple.)
8. When am I going to finish my Christmas shopping?
9. What should I get my dad, H's dad, and my mom's s.o.? I thought of something good last night for one of them, but I have already forgotten both the item and which male it was for.
10. What if I run into my ex-friend at the No Coast Craft-o-Rama?
11. Can I afford to order new contacts this month so that I don't have to wear my glasses every day?
12. Should I add more blogs to my sidebar? There are blogs I should add - Jay Are's blog, LC's blog, and Janet's blog - but I don't want to end up with hundreds of links. And I am lazy.
13. How jealous are the neighbors going to be of our new, giant, awesome snowblower/freedom fighter?

I'm So Excited!

So, how's it going? Good? That's nice. Sorry about not posting yesterday. I was in a really bad mood, and when I tried to write, the bad mood filled the page, and it was bad. Therefore, I did not write anything, and I am feeling much better today.

Thirteen Exclamations for Today

1. I got some (snow) boots in the mail!
2. And a bag that matches!
3. I am wearing the boots right now because I love them!
4. And because I am a nerd!
5. I am going to meet Stefanie soon (in a couple of weeks)!
6. I am also going to meet Grumpy Frump and Nat!
7. I am on a freakish internet-meeting streak!
8. I am kind of embarassed to admit that I am meeting People From The Internet!
9. Just like I am kind of embarassed that I have a blog!
10. I should embrace my Internet Nerdery!
11. Not that you are a nerd! I was only referring to myself and my nerdy ways! You are very cool! And popular! You are like a combination of George Clooney and a young Audrey Hepburn!
12. I have been really busy at work, so I have been drinking a lot of coffee, and coffee makes me really hyper! I bet you could have never guessed that!
13. I think I accidentally checked out a romance book from the library! I would have realized this if I had looked at the back cover, but instead I realized it when I started reading it on the bus and came across sentences such as [opening to a random page], "A blond brow lifted, and she gave him another penetrating look," and [looking for one of many weird romance passages], "Slowly his kisses became more languorous until finally his lips settled on the feminine core of her and lingered there." EW!
But anyway, check out the back cover!

It's Still Thursday

I am so embarrassed. Someone (in Germany) googled "queen of the dorks" and found my blog. My blog is in the top 5 for that search. Why can't I be in the top 5 for something much cooler? For my Thursday Thirteen, I am listing thirteen search terms I wish would lead people to my blog.

1. -R- is awesome
2. hilarious blog
3. OMG she should totally be an author or something because she is such a good writer
4. What up bizatch
5. Taylor Pancake (I actually am #5 in this search, and I know so because I get several searches per week looking for ol' Mr. Pancake)
6. I wish H were my husband
7. husband powers activate (I am #10 in this search!)
8. u r so hott (just to mix it up a bit)
9. perfect shoes
10. having Veterans Day off is for suckas and government employees
11. non-gangsta awards (I am #1, baby!)
12. seven inch zipper
13. my anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hon

My Bad List - Another Thursday Thirteen

Twice last week I had to stand for the entire bus ride to work. This week I had to stand once. I never realized how lurchy the bus was before. Let me reassure you that it is very lurchy, and I almost fell over multiple times. I was telling H about it, and he was upset that no one had offered their seat to me. At the time, it hadn't even occurred to me that someone might offer their seat to me. It was my fault that I didn't get to the bus stop earlier, so I didn't feel like anyone should get up for me.

This morning, I got the last seat on the bus. Yes! The last seat was in the middle of a little bench that can hold three people, but the girl on the left was taking up more than her fair share of the bench. She was not physically large, she was just sitting across two seats. I didn't care that she obviously did not want to make room for me because I was not going to stand again. I just smushed myself between the girl and some older guy and pulled out my book. I was very close to the older guy on my right, but I didn't care because I was sitting! I admit that I was thinking mean things about the girl for sitting awkwardly on the bench.

The bus hadn't started moving yet when the rude girl stood up. She gave her seat to a little old lady who had gotten on the bus at the last minute. I kind of felt bad for thinking mean things about Takes-Up-Two-Seats Girl, but then I decided that it was still rude of her to not make room for me, even if she did give up her seat for the older woman.

H and I had an argument about a guy we both know. Neither of us can stand the guy, but H said that even if the guy found the solution for peace in the Middle East, I would still hate the guy. And that is true. First, this guy does not ever do things for anyone else, so he would only create peace in the Middle East if he was going to make a lot of money off of it. Second, you can be a horrible person and still do the occasional good thing.

I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this. I have talked about this issue before, but I am obviously still working on it. I am definitely too judgmental about people. In my book, you are either good or bad. There is not a lot of room for in-between.

Here are some things you can do to get on my bad list (or things you can avoid to stay on my good list):

1. Intentionally hurt other people
2. Intentionally hurt animals
3. Be a bigot
4. Lie to make me look bad in front of other people
5. Be good friends with someone who you know does any of 1 through 4
6. Tell me how many calories are in something I'm eating
7. Act like all people who watch television are stupid
8. Enjoy "Two and a Half Men"
9. Think Christian Bale is not hot
10. Not laugh at my hilarious jokes
11. Be negative all the freaking time until I have to have a "friendship breakup"
12. Bring white chocolate peanut butter cups to work and trick me into eating one (and by "trick me into eating one" I mean "not put up a big sign that says THESE ARE GROSS! DON'T EAT THEM!")
13. Put on makeup while driving

Obviously, some of these items are only minor infractions (#8), while some are very serious and mean we can never be friends (#9). What would be on your list?

Surprisingly, I Am Actually Employed

Thirteen Weird Things I Have Done as an Interviewer or Interviewee:

1. When asked about my hobbies, I said I was really into oil painting.
2. When pressed further, I claimed that my specialty was Impressionist-style painting.
3. I have never oil painted in my life. Or done any kind of painting, other than in elementary or middle school.
4. When asked about my hobbies in another interview, I professed a love for books on American history.
5. When the interviewer said that he was really into the Civil War, I said that I was really into the American Revolution.
6. When I was interviewing someone, I told them about how I used to make up hobbies when I was the interviewee.
7. I think the candidate thought that was weird.
8. As an interviewer, I ordered a Tom Collins (gin, lemon juice, club soda) at lunch.
9. Luckily the waiter saved me and said, "Remind me what the ingredients are?" And when I said lemonade and iced tea, he said, "I think that's an Arnold Palmer." Thank you!
10. I talked about "Blind Date" and "Change of Heart."
11. I said that "Change of Heart" was better.
12. Because it was. Hello- these people go on a date and slut it up and then have to decide whether to stay with their significant other who also just went on a date and slutted it up. They should ALWAYS have chosen Change of Heart, but they almost always chose Stay Together, and then my roommate and I would yell at them.
13. I may have used the word "slutty," but I really hope I didn't.

The Holiday House

The quickest way to get to my house involves driving past a few strange houses in my neighborhood. My favorite is The Holiday House. But first I will show you my least favorite house. In September 2005, when we moved in, the least favorite house had no decorations up. And then for Christmas, they put some lights up... around the middle of their house. It seemed kind of weird, but I thought that they must be putting the lights around the middle of the house so that they would be easy to take down in January even if it was icy. But no. Here is what the house looked like in April 2006.



This is also what the house looks like now. Christmas lights around the middle of their house ALL YEAR ROUND. Lovely.

And now I bring you THIRTEEN THINGS CURRENTLY IN THE YARD OF THE HOLIDAY HOUSE:

1. Fake metal fence around the entire yard.
2. Skulls on poles surrounding the entire yard.
3. Tombstones.
4. Decapitated kneeling bride.
5. Vampire groom standing over the bride.
6. Skeleton in a bed.
7. Grim reaper looking over the skeleton in a bed.
8. Ghoul waiter.
9. Two ghouls being served dinner by ghoul waiter at a fancy table.
10. Giant coffin.
11. Five foot tall inflatable gargoyle with flashing red eyes.
12. Ghosts hanging from trees.
13. Orange lights and flood lights and all kind of lights.


This picture does not capture the true craziness that is The Holiday House. I will try to take another picture for you tomorrow.

So last year when we saw The Holiday House in all its Halloween glory, H and I got really excited to see what The House would do for Christmas. Because if they go this crazy for Halloween, they must just have real live reindeer in their yard at Christmas.

And then in December... Nothing. Not a single decoration for Christmas or Hannukah. Ok, so maybe they are not religious. Not a big deal. But then in the Spring...



WTF? Who decorates for EASTER but not for CHRISTMAS? Answer: The Holiday House.

(This was only the beginning of the decorating. They like to put out a little decoration each day.)

PS The Holiday House requests that people bring nonperishable food items and put them in the coffin for donation to local food shelters. Last year, The Holiday House collected several hundred pounds of food (according to the sign in their yard.)

I've Never

S-paw of Stories-2-Tell (link on the sidebar) has tagged me for a meme, so I am going to use it for my Thursday Thirteen. Instead of revealing 9 things about myself and tagging 6 more people, I shall reveal 13 things about myself and tag no one. I'm such a rebel.

So the thirteen things about myself that I shall reveal are thirteen things that I have never done. Like the drinking game "I've Never," which I don't think I have ever played. (Is the game called "I Never"? And too bad, because I am calling it "I've Never.") If you would like to play, take a drink for every item on the following list that you have done but I have never done. Or you could just leave a comment and tell me how many drinks you would have taken if we had actually been playing. It's up to you, really.

I've Never:

1. Watched "Dancing With the Stars"
2. Shoplifted
3. Gone on a blind date
4. Thrown up in a bar (or even from drinking, although I can think of a couple of times when it was really close)
5. Been arrested
6. Played I've Never
7. Been to Canada or Mexico (I've been to islands in the Carribean and Ireland, England, France, Belgium, and Italy, but never Canada or Mexico!)
8. Experienced an earthquake, hurricane, or tornado
9. Been to a strip club
10. Gone bungee jumping
11. Been skinny dipping
12. Broken a bone
13. French-kissed a girl


H just had to drink eleven times.

Fashion Show, Fashion Show, Fashion Show at My Blog*

*This is from The Office and also from 3carnations' blog. Except, in the title, replace "My Blog" with "Lunch."

Since I bragged about my new fashionable ways, I thought I owed you some pictures. (Plus, you asked for them.)

Monday, I wore this. The khaki jacket was one of my new purchases.


Then today, I wore the exact opposite of yesterday's outfit. Is that a fashion faux pas?

Sorry, this is almost as bad as my picture of the Arch in St. Louis. You will just have to trust my labelling.

You will also have to imagine my "new" haircut since I have no head in these photos.

I have not worn this outfit yet, but here are the other new items I bought. The pants need to be hemmed, but that is to be expected when I buy pants. The shirt makes my eyes look bluer than usual, which again, you will have to imagine.

Please also imagine that "bluer" is a word.

Finally, and randomly, a photo of my fridge, a la Stefanie.


I have attempted to label the items on my fridge.

1. In the top left corner, is the local high school football schedule. We got this magnet when we bought something from a high school player going door to door to raise money for the team. Seriously, how many more people are going to knock on our door!

2. Vikings and Gophers football schedules on one magnet

3. Magnet with the city's important phone numbers

4. Magnets I made - Stefanie had these too. I was going to make a ton and give them as gifts, but mine are kind of ugly, and also, I got tired of making them after six or however many are on my fridge.

5. A realtor magnet for a realtor and realty company we have never used

6. A business card for someone we will never call

7. A service phone number for something, but I am not sure what

8. Glow-in-the dark magnet from the electric company

9. Nieces and nephews

10. The city's recycling info

11. A fake American Express card - notice how I specify that it is fake in case you think we glue our real credit cards to the fridge.

12. A picture of H and Justice Clarence Thomas

13. Wedding invitation from the Texas bride - this is the wedding I was in this May. I hate to throw it away because it was expensive and is really pretty, but I really don't need directions to this church in Houston anymore.

I have noticed a theme here; I really need to get rid of some junk on my fridge!

Come and Knock On My Door

(We'll be waiting for you)

1. On Saturday, two young men from the Church of LDS knocked on my door. I talked with them for a few minutes because although I do not want to join their church, they were very nice. I asked them lots of questions about where they have been on their mission so far (Twin Cities only), where they are going on the rest of their mission (all over MN and up to Canada), and where they are from (Georgia and Utah).

2. I think they were kind of scared that I was asking them so many questions. They seemed pretty happy to give me their card and get out of there. Oh well! I was happy to keep the conversation away from any attempt at conversion.

3. Some different Mormon missionaries came to our house in the winter when H was outside shoveling.

4. Well, first they went to the house across the street, and our neighbor lady yelled, "Get away from my house!" at them.

5. Then they came and talked to H and offered to help him finish shoveling our driveway. He declined their offer.

6. Mostly because we only had one shovel at the time.

7. I don't like our neighbor lady, mostly because the woman who used to live in our house told me that the neighbor lady was wonderful and they were good friends, and the woman who used to live in our house was crazy and super snobby.

8. So really, I don't know neighbor lady at all but have decided not to like her.

9. My mom is biased against Jehovah's Witnesses because she claims that when she was growing up, some JWs came to her house and tried to convert them, and as the JWs were driving out of the neighborhood, they hit my mom's dog and then didn't stop.

10. Probably not the best way to try to convert people.

11. One time in college, I came home from class, and my roommate and some guy I had never seen before were hanging out in our living room.

12. When I realized the guy was a door-to-door magazine salesman, I announced, "We're not buying any magazines, so it's time for you to leave." Then I opened the front door and stared at him until he got off the couch and left.

13. My roommate was annoyed that I was rude. I thought it was rude to invite a possible robber and/or murderer into our apartment, but she did not agree. She also wanted to go to an abandoned factory one Saturday night around midnight to see if we could meet some junkees, so she was probably not the best person with whom to reason.

Don't Be Scared Away by the Title

Thirteen Things About Being Sick

1. Yesterday, I took four packets of these. Two pills per packet = me loopy on drugs.

While loopy, I determined that this product should really be called Pseudo-Sudafed. Get it? Pseudo and Suda? I am a genius.

2. I also drank four mugs of this.

Please let it be noted that I don't like tea, nor do I Love Lemon. But when that is what is free at work, that is what I will try to make myself feel better. (It didn't work, but I did survive until I left early at 4.)

3. I came up with a brilliant marketing idea for the I Love Lemon tea.

I think it should say "I Love Lemon" with an exclamation point, and the bottom part of the exclamation point should be a heart. Don't you agree? Wouldn't you much rather buy the product with my label?

4. Seriously, you guys, I am a marketing genius.

5. Here is a product that my marketing genius cannot help.

You walk by some lady's desk and see peanut butter cups in the bowl, so you think, "Score! I love peanut butter cups! Look, they have white packaging for Halloween!" And then you open the wrapper and are horrified to see white chocolate on your peanut butter cup. "This is a travesty!" you think. But you eat it anyway. And it is not good.

6. Today I was still sick so I stayed home.

7. I happened to tune into the last 15 minutes of that celebrity poker showdown show, and guess who was on it and was totally beating everyone? Dule Hill. (I don't know how to make the accent above the e.)

8. Then guess what was on Bravo? A marathon of Season 2 of Project Runway. Yes! I had already seen it, but I watched it again anyway.

9. Oh, I almost forgot that I saw some of The View! I thought Rosie O'Donnell did a really good job. I know you were curious about my opinion on The View.

10. That pretty much summarizes my entire day.

11. I didn't get any sleep last night, but I am not tired today. It is kind of freaking me out that I am not tired because I always need at least 8 hours of sleep to feel normal. (So basically I never feel normal.)

12. Did you guys watch Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip on Monday night? What did you think of it? I am annoyed that some people watched it just because Matthew Perry was in it. Yet I would watch anything that had Dule Hill, Allison Janney, or Zach Braff in it. So I am a huge hypocrite. And my husband's hatred for Friends has apparently worn off on me. So anyway, I thought Studio 60 was decent. I will definitely keep watching. I almost just went off on a big tangent comparing Studio 60 to West Wing, but then I decided to calm myself the heck down.

13. Did you notice that 12 wasn't about me being sick? Well, when you are home by yourself all day and then your husband only comes home to get his jiu jitsu outfit, there is not a lot to talk about.

How Did I End Up Like This?

Thursday Thirteen Things! Again! Are you tired of these yet? It is kind of nice to have something I have to write about in the middle of the week, but I am afraid that my Thursday Thirteen Things are getting kind of lame. (Because my posts about gas stations are so much cooler?)

So for this week, I present

Thirteen Ways My Life Is Different Than the Five-Year-Old Me Imagined It Would Be

1. I thought I would be blonde.

2. I thought I would drive a convertible.

3. I thought I would look like Barbie.

4. I thought I would be a teacher, not a lawyer.

5. I thought I would have miraculously become graceful.

6. I thought I would be married to Scott, who lived across the street from me.

7. I never thought I would live somewhere with such freaking cold winters. (The cold winters would prevent me from getting the perfect Barbie tan and driving my convertible around with the top down, obviously.)

8. I never thought I would actually have to clean up after myself. Well, I don't really clean up after myself, but I should.

9. Despite the fact that I was always one of the tiniest kids in my class, I thought I would grow up to be tall.

10. I never thought I would ask for things like patio furniture for my birthday.

11. I thought I would have published several books.

12. I never thought that I would enjoy shopping. Ew.

13. I thought I would be a famous singer. Unfortunately, all the training I did, which consisted of singing and dancing to my mom's Beatles and Beach Boys records, did not pan out into a fabulous career... yet.

And For My Next Trick...

Today for my Thursday Thirteen Things*, I am going to attempt a new trick. This shall be an interactive entry! I am going to ask thirteen questions. It is your job to pick THREE questions and ANSWER them in the comments. I realize this may not go well, but darn it, I am going to try! If it does not go well, we will just pretend this didn't happen. OK? OK.

* At about 5 today, I thought, "Oh no! It is Wednesday! I thought it was Tuesday! I forgot to post my Wednesday Thirteen!" What is wrong with me? Don't answer that. It is not one of the the thirteen questions. The thirteen questions are below.

1. What is the best present you have ever given someone?

2. What is the best present you have ever received?

3. If you could meet one blogger, who would it be?

4. If you could have one dessert right now, what would it be?

5. What should I serve as a side dish at my BBQ on Saturday?

6. Have you ever e-mailed a blogger you didn't know in real life?

7. Who do you want to win Project Runway?

8. What is your favorite book?

9. What is your favorite movie?

10. Are you in love with Jim from The Office? (Correct answer for both males and females: Yes.)

11. What is the worst present you have ever received?

12. If you could go on an all-expenses-paid, one-week vacation, where would you go?

13. a)Did you know that in Minnesota, some people play "Duck duck grey duck" instead of "Duck duck goose"?
b) Seriously, isn't that really weird? (Correct answer: Yes.)

Thirteen Things That Make Me Type "OMG"

1. I overheard a guy at work making a joke about the Magna Carta. A joke about the Magna Carta. OMG, I work with f'ing nerds.

2. At a work-related party, I went through the buffet for H because his back hurt, and I got him a lot of honeydew. I noticed later that he wasn't eating and asked him what was wrong with the honeydew. He said, "OMG, I hate honeydew. Do you know me at all?" Apparently not.

3. At another work-related party, some bees came near us, and H announced that he was allergic to bee stings. He was stung once when he was pretty young, and disgusting and painful things happened that I will not go into here. The doctor told him that the next time he is stung, he could have a fatal reaction. OMG, don't you think that is something you should tell your wife before you are in a situation in which you are surrounded by bees? We survived unscathed though.

4. I wrote an e-mail to my boss last week that said, "OMG! Don't even tell me that!" I am so professional.

5. OMG, I have been alternating between leaving totally lame and boring comments and weird-ass, only-funny-in-my-mind comments on other people's blogs. Sorry.

6. Jenny and 3carnations (on Miss Zoot's blog) both wrote tremendously nice things about my blog. OMG, it made my whole week. I don't want to get too lame here, so I will just say thanks. (Even though Jenny wants me to go to hell- the nice one with kitties).

7. I am feeling kind of negative about my blog lately, which is stupid. I just see so many people who write better than I do, and I think I suck. But OMG, quit being so hard on yourself, self! Look at #6!

8. I trimmed too much of my toenail last night, and OMG, it really hurts.

9. OMG, I can't believe you are still reading this after I just wrote about my toenail. And I wonder why I don't have more readers.

10. We are inviting people over to our house a week from Saturday for a BBQ and other festivities, and I am kind of freaking out about it. What if it is really boring? I don't know how to entertain people. OMG, what if no one comes? Or worse, what if only one person comes and is a witness to that fact that no one else showed up?

11. I left for work today at around (OMG) 7 am! You should be really impressed!

12. I got home at (OMG) 8:41 pm. You should be really sad.

13. OMG, I love telling you how to feel.

Thursday Lame-Ass Thirteen

1. I wore the cutest new skirt today, and no one at work complimented it.
2. I typically wear about 5 different outfits to work, so you would think my coworkers would be excited that I am actually wearing something new.
3. Maybe they are just not very observant.
4. But they all noticed when I got my hair cut!
5. I was going to try to stretch this into 13 things, but I really do not think that is going to happen.
6. Maybe I can do it?
7. No.
8. H's new plan is for us to both sign up for E-Harmony and then see if we get matched together.
9. It is my opinion that no good can come from this plan.
10. Don't worry. I think he is kidding about the plan.
11. Speaking of plans, remember how I was going to try to eat better?
12. Today I ate a brownie that was approximately the size of my head.
13. The skirt:

Pretend that there are no clothes on the floor and that the way I am standing does not make my foot look deformed. In fact, only look at the skirt. Do not look at anything else in the picture. Especially the shirt that I got on clearance four years ago at Petite Sophisticate. Look only at the skirt! Isn't it cute?

PS Crazy Baskethead Vincent won?! And he kind of deserved it?! Uli's outfit was better, but still. It was Project Runway miracle.

And The Gloves Come Off

Thirteen Things I Hate:

1. Snakes on a Plane. I am sorry, people, but there should be no snakes on my tv screen or on my computer screen EVER. There should be no pictures of snakes in my magazines EVER. There should be ... you get the point.

2. When people flirt with the boss to get special favors.

3. Crazy Baskethead Vincent staying on Project Runway while Alison gets kicked off.

4. Having the bus driver shut the doors and drive off when I am less than 30 feet from the bus. Especially when it is the last bus to Minneapolis from my stop.

5. Getting home from work when it is dark outside.

6. Working out.

7. H's student loans. I hate you, student loans, and I am not afraid to admit it.

8. When someone says something mean and then says, "Can't you take a joke?" or the equivalent. So passive-agressive.

9. Having to take my car in at 7 am tomorrow. I normally wake up at 7. This is going to be bad.

10. Checking my e-mail and having no new messages.

11. This is a controversial one: red wine.

12. More controversy: I hate both Coke AND Pepsi.

13. I will give you a moment to calm down after all that controversy. And now, the final thing I hate is... Jell-o with fruit in it. Or Jell-o with mayonnaise on it. Have you ever heard of that? I had not. And then I took a bit of Jell-o with whipped cream on it at my grandma's house when I was about 12, and I said, "Mom, I think this whipped cream is spoiled," which would not really be that surprising at my grandma's house, and my mom said, "No, that is just mayonnaise." Barf.