A Halloween Tale... of Horror!

My sister thought it was going to be a special day ... [cue ominous music] but she did not realize just how "special" it would be.

The morning bore great promise for my sister.

She received her white coat and posed for pictures with her class.

Seriously, you guys, I am such a great photographer. I don't know why the school didn't pay me for these shots. Look how artfully I captured this guy's right shoulder.


She posed for happy family pictures.

First with my mom (and me).
[picture to be edited and added back when blogger stops hating me]

Then with my dad (and uncle and cousin and me).
[picture to be edited and added back when blogger stops hating me]


We drove safely past some really boring stuff.


And past the dangerous farm implements.



She thought she was safe.

But then we got to our destination, and my sister realized what was in store for her.



She fought a brave fight.



For a moment, she thought she might even win.



But in the epic struggle of cat versus eyeballs, the cat always wins.


HAPPY HALLOWEEN!



Disclaimer: No cats or eyeballs were harmed in the making of "A Halloween Tale... of Horror!" Ellipses have been used to create drama but do not guarantee that the reader will actually enjoy this post. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. Before using this product, please consult a medical doctor. The author does not warrant or assume any legal liability or responsibility for the accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any information disclosed.

Sunday Ramblings

I want to post something for you to read, but I am not feeling well, and staring at the monitor is making me kind of dizzy. This is not good. Hopefully I feel better tomorrow or work will be quite unpleasant.

So H and I have decided that this is the week that we are actually going to start getting up early and working out before going to work. I am optimistic that we can do it. Of course, I am optimistic every week when we make these same plans.

We bought Christmas presents for 5 of the 7 nieces and nephew today. Now we just have to get something for the other 2, my sister, my parents, and H's parents. Do you buy your parents presents for Christmas or Hannukah? If so, what do you usually get them. For my dad, I usually get a gift certificate or something golf-related. Last year, we got my mom and H's parents movie baskets, with a couple of DVDs, popcorn, movie candy, and a bottle of wine. But I have no idea what to get this year. This should not be a surprise since I can't even decide what to ask for myself.

Ok, I have to go do some laundry now. Damn, my life is so thrilling.

PS The Holiday House now has a giant inflatable dragon set up in the driveway.

Tour of the City

Whenever television covers something in Minneapolis, you see certain images.


the Spoonbridge and Cherry



the Minneapolis Skyline



Maybe even the Basilica


But there are some things you don't get to see.


Minnehaha Falls- a waterfall that is basically right in the middle of Minneapolis, about five to ten minutes from the Metrodome and downtown


crazy guy who climbed up under the waterfall



the famous Minneapolis bowling alley



Bunny on a Bell, which is right next to the Spoonbridge and Cherry



H on One Leg, one of the best looking statues in Minneapolis, in my opinion


I think that the next time I have to tell someone my hobbies, I am going to say I am a sculptor. Doesn't that sound impressive and artsy?

Also, I didn't mention this in my thirteen things in the last post, but I used to come home from interviews and tell H about the weird things I said, and he would always freak the heck out. Like somehow the interviewer would find out that I am not an impressionistic painter and hate me forever. (I was honest about everything else, I swear! I just think asking about hobbies is dumb and doesn't tell you whether I would be a good lawyer or not.) I actually got job offers from the interviews in which I said I was an oil painter and an American Revolution buff. But not from the one in which I talked about how awesome Change of Heart is. That interviewer must have been a Blind Date fan.

Surprisingly, I Am Actually Employed

Thirteen Weird Things I Have Done as an Interviewer or Interviewee:

1. When asked about my hobbies, I said I was really into oil painting.
2. When pressed further, I claimed that my specialty was Impressionist-style painting.
3. I have never oil painted in my life. Or done any kind of painting, other than in elementary or middle school.
4. When asked about my hobbies in another interview, I professed a love for books on American history.
5. When the interviewer said that he was really into the Civil War, I said that I was really into the American Revolution.
6. When I was interviewing someone, I told them about how I used to make up hobbies when I was the interviewee.
7. I think the candidate thought that was weird.
8. As an interviewer, I ordered a Tom Collins (gin, lemon juice, club soda) at lunch.
9. Luckily the waiter saved me and said, "Remind me what the ingredients are?" And when I said lemonade and iced tea, he said, "I think that's an Arnold Palmer." Thank you!
10. I talked about "Blind Date" and "Change of Heart."
11. I said that "Change of Heart" was better.
12. Because it was. Hello- these people go on a date and slut it up and then have to decide whether to stay with their significant other who also just went on a date and slutted it up. They should ALWAYS have chosen Change of Heart, but they almost always chose Stay Together, and then my roommate and I would yell at them.
13. I may have used the word "slutty," but I really hope I didn't.

Not All Vegans Are Annoying

-R-: Two people at work both recommended a small restaurant in St. Paul called [name and link to website redacted because otherwise I know you would all stalk me]. The family that runs it actually owns two Italian restaurants, but my friends said that [the restaurant that was recommended] is more southern Italian food, while the other one is more northern Italian. They said it is really small, so you would have to make reservations. I will ask around to see if I can find any other recommendations.


Friend: Sweet, I'll have to check that out. Are we getting together tomorrow night for Lost? It will be the last time I will be able to until December due to next month's late shift.


-R-: We are planning on it tomorrow night.


Friend: dyno-mite!


-R-: Ok, J.J.


Friend: J.J.?


-R-: Isn't that the character who used to always say dyno-mite? I could be wrong though because remember how I said that I knew an annoying vegan named Corbin? His name is [Not-Corbin]. I don't know why I was thinking Corbin.


Friend: Because Corbin is an awesome name! I don't remember who said dy-no-mite, I just like throwing it out every once and a while. I had a friend in high school who told me about some character who used to say it, but I don't recall who it was. It could be J.J. - what was the show he was on?


-R-: It was called "Good Times" and a young Janet Jackson was on it. She played Penny, the girl who was abused by her mom and had a crush on J.J. and started following him around everywhere.


Friend: yep, that's it, Good Times. Way to go queen of popular culture!


-R-: That's how I got my job at my law firm. In the interview I was like, "Remember when Penny's mom burned her with an iron and then J.J. found out somehow and then I think J.J. (who was like 30 and still living with his family) reported the mom to CPS and then Penny came to live with J.J. and family even though they barely even knew each other?" And then the law firm was like, "Yes, we remember that. You're hired!"

Last Kiss

My heart almost burst on Thursday night when I watched Jim and Pam talk on the phone during The Office. I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I used to get when I had a huge crush on a guy but didn't know if he liked me back. The feeling is part anxiousness and part hopefulness. For me, it was usually mostly anxiousness. It was horrible to want someone to like me so much and to not know if he liked me back at all. Or worse to know that he didn't like me "that way" or not at all. But in the rare moment in which I found out that the person I was crushing on actually did like me back... It sounds so dorky, but it was really just sheer bliss. Momentary bliss, but still. And I won't ever have that feeling again.

Would I trade being married to H for anything? No. Does he make me happier than I ever have been? Yes. He continues to surprise me, make me laugh every day, impress me with his strength, and give me butterflies (metaphorically speaking). I am sure he will continue to make me happy in ways I can't yet imagine. But there are also things I will never experience again because I am married, and that is a little bit sad.

For Those Who Doubted Me

You will notice in the second picture that I have drawn an arrow pointing out a sign that The Holiday House has hung on the mock fence. This sign indicates that some items were stolen from the yard of The Holiday House. I am not sure exactly what was taken, but the giant gargoyle is no longer in the yard. I think it would have been very difficult to steal a 5 foot tall gargoyle, so maybe it was just damaged in the robbery? Anyway, the whole yard has been reorganized. It is still looking Hallow-tastic, and there are new additions to the yard. I just hope the owners have not informed the police that there is a creepy girl in a Mazda who keeps taking pictures of the house, so please question her. I am only guilty of enjoying the craziness that is The Holiday House.

The Holiday House

The quickest way to get to my house involves driving past a few strange houses in my neighborhood. My favorite is The Holiday House. But first I will show you my least favorite house. In September 2005, when we moved in, the least favorite house had no decorations up. And then for Christmas, they put some lights up... around the middle of their house. It seemed kind of weird, but I thought that they must be putting the lights around the middle of the house so that they would be easy to take down in January even if it was icy. But no. Here is what the house looked like in April 2006.



This is also what the house looks like now. Christmas lights around the middle of their house ALL YEAR ROUND. Lovely.

And now I bring you THIRTEEN THINGS CURRENTLY IN THE YARD OF THE HOLIDAY HOUSE:

1. Fake metal fence around the entire yard.
2. Skulls on poles surrounding the entire yard.
3. Tombstones.
4. Decapitated kneeling bride.
5. Vampire groom standing over the bride.
6. Skeleton in a bed.
7. Grim reaper looking over the skeleton in a bed.
8. Ghoul waiter.
9. Two ghouls being served dinner by ghoul waiter at a fancy table.
10. Giant coffin.
11. Five foot tall inflatable gargoyle with flashing red eyes.
12. Ghosts hanging from trees.
13. Orange lights and flood lights and all kind of lights.


This picture does not capture the true craziness that is The Holiday House. I will try to take another picture for you tomorrow.

So last year when we saw The Holiday House in all its Halloween glory, H and I got really excited to see what The House would do for Christmas. Because if they go this crazy for Halloween, they must just have real live reindeer in their yard at Christmas.

And then in December... Nothing. Not a single decoration for Christmas or Hannukah. Ok, so maybe they are not religious. Not a big deal. But then in the Spring...



WTF? Who decorates for EASTER but not for CHRISTMAS? Answer: The Holiday House.

(This was only the beginning of the decorating. They like to put out a little decoration each day.)

PS The Holiday House requests that people bring nonperishable food items and put them in the coffin for donation to local food shelters. Last year, The Holiday House collected several hundred pounds of food (according to the sign in their yard.)

Baby, Baby

The stars are shining for you. And just like me, I'm sure that they adore you.

That was a little tune from Amy Grant for you. My first concert ever. Oh yeah. It was totally rockin'.

But anyway, it is time for a confession. (Telling you about my Amy Grant concert was apparently not enough.) I have been asked when H and I are going to have children. I have discussed this before, but what I have not told you is that I always act like H and I have no plans for babies. I act like, Maybe we'll have them, maybe we won't. But H and I have discussed when we would like to have kids, and we even have an idea of when we want to start trying. But I have never told anyone that before! I like to pretend that there has been no discussion of babies. I am a married woman. Why am I embarassed about this? But I am. And no, I will not tell you what the general timeline is. Even if I know you in real life. Especially if I know you in real life.

I have been also asked if H and I have picked out names for our non-existent future children. And I pretend like I think it is really weird that someone would pick out kid names when there are no kids in their near future. (Or are there? Wouldn't you like to know. But there aren't.) The truth is H and I totally have a boy name and a girl name picked out. We have had names picked out for YEARS. There has been some heavy negotiation involved because H was really set on one certain girl name: Abraxis. ABRAXIS. ABRAXIS. OMG, people. With the name Abraxis, our future hypothetical daughter would either become a Japanese anime freak or a household cleaner (like Comet). Over the past few years I have talked H out of this name, and we have chosen a name that I like. But I will not tell you what it is. H and I agreed that we wouldn't tell anyone, and then H told his whole family last Christmas what names we had picked. I gave him a look across the table, indicating that I was shooting imaginary death rays at him with my eyes, and his family smartly changed the subject and no one has mentioned the incident since.

My friend just had a baby last week, and in the pictures, the baby is so adorable. I just want to scoop her up and snuggle for hours. I am sad that my nephew is a little toddler now and is too busy running around like a baby Frankenstein (how does he run without bending his knees? It is so adorable) to snuggle with me. I am not experiencing any sort of baby fever, but even I (who never admits ANYTHING... except on my blog) must admit that baby cuddling looks fun.

Down on the Farm

Our youngest nephew turned one on October 10th. We went to the family farm for an extended family event. What do you buy a one-year-old? I asked around at work and got some good ideas for toys that a one-year-old might actually play with but would not annoy the parents too much. I talked to H about the list and asked him to go pick something out. H picked out a super cute stuffed puppy that plays super annoying songs. It wasn't on the list, but as H said, we don't have to live with it. As it turns out, H's sister LOVED it. She had bought the same musical puppy for a friend's kid the week before. Our nephew was not quite as excited about it.

X
Maybe if I look this way, the puppy will leave me alone.


X
Yes, yes, I know there is a puppy behind me. I just don't care. Sigh.

X
At least someone likes it.


Every year, H's parents' neighbors make wine out of whatever weeds they happen to have around. Seriously. I have yet to try it, but doesn't it look like it must be really good?

Umm, no, it doesn't look like it must be good. I think these are elderberry and rhubarb, but I'm just guessing.


Anyway, we got to stay at the lake house of an aunt and uncle. The lake house is pretty close to the farm. This is not shocking because there is a lake approximately every 10.2 feet in Minnesota. Here is the view from our bedroom in the lake house.

Very nice.

Coming Up Next

It has been an exciting weekend of some work-related stuff and a non-work-related trip to the farm. When I get back from SuperTarget I shall provide a farm update and the reason behind the picture of H and CT (that is what we call Justice Thomas around these parts). Stay tuned.

I've Never

S-paw of Stories-2-Tell (link on the sidebar) has tagged me for a meme, so I am going to use it for my Thursday Thirteen. Instead of revealing 9 things about myself and tagging 6 more people, I shall reveal 13 things about myself and tag no one. I'm such a rebel.

So the thirteen things about myself that I shall reveal are thirteen things that I have never done. Like the drinking game "I've Never," which I don't think I have ever played. (Is the game called "I Never"? And too bad, because I am calling it "I've Never.") If you would like to play, take a drink for every item on the following list that you have done but I have never done. Or you could just leave a comment and tell me how many drinks you would have taken if we had actually been playing. It's up to you, really.

I've Never:

1. Watched "Dancing With the Stars"
2. Shoplifted
3. Gone on a blind date
4. Thrown up in a bar (or even from drinking, although I can think of a couple of times when it was really close)
5. Been arrested
6. Played I've Never
7. Been to Canada or Mexico (I've been to islands in the Carribean and Ireland, England, France, Belgium, and Italy, but never Canada or Mexico!)
8. Experienced an earthquake, hurricane, or tornado
9. Been to a strip club
10. Gone bungee jumping
11. Been skinny dipping
12. Broken a bone
13. French-kissed a girl


H just had to drink eleven times.

Fashion Show, Fashion Show, Fashion Show at My Blog*

*This is from The Office and also from 3carnations' blog. Except, in the title, replace "My Blog" with "Lunch."

Since I bragged about my new fashionable ways, I thought I owed you some pictures. (Plus, you asked for them.)

Monday, I wore this. The khaki jacket was one of my new purchases.


Then today, I wore the exact opposite of yesterday's outfit. Is that a fashion faux pas?

Sorry, this is almost as bad as my picture of the Arch in St. Louis. You will just have to trust my labelling.

You will also have to imagine my "new" haircut since I have no head in these photos.

I have not worn this outfit yet, but here are the other new items I bought. The pants need to be hemmed, but that is to be expected when I buy pants. The shirt makes my eyes look bluer than usual, which again, you will have to imagine.

Please also imagine that "bluer" is a word.

Finally, and randomly, a photo of my fridge, a la Stefanie.


I have attempted to label the items on my fridge.

1. In the top left corner, is the local high school football schedule. We got this magnet when we bought something from a high school player going door to door to raise money for the team. Seriously, how many more people are going to knock on our door!

2. Vikings and Gophers football schedules on one magnet

3. Magnet with the city's important phone numbers

4. Magnets I made - Stefanie had these too. I was going to make a ton and give them as gifts, but mine are kind of ugly, and also, I got tired of making them after six or however many are on my fridge.

5. A realtor magnet for a realtor and realty company we have never used

6. A business card for someone we will never call

7. A service phone number for something, but I am not sure what

8. Glow-in-the dark magnet from the electric company

9. Nieces and nephews

10. The city's recycling info

11. A fake American Express card - notice how I specify that it is fake in case you think we glue our real credit cards to the fridge.

12. A picture of H and Justice Clarence Thomas

13. Wedding invitation from the Texas bride - this is the wedding I was in this May. I hate to throw it away because it was expensive and is really pretty, but I really don't need directions to this church in Houston anymore.

I have noticed a theme here; I really need to get rid of some junk on my fridge!

Potent Potables

I keep writing about totally innocent stories, and then EVERY TIME it turns into a work story. I cannot stop. But I feel like I must write something. I even have funny ideas, but when I write them, they are not funny because I have work on my mind. And ninjas. I keep wanting to write about my ninja gun. Aren't you tired of my ninja gun yet? I was upstairs working in the office, and when my husband came up to check on me, I totally shot him with a ninja. It was great. Ninja ambush!

We are going to H's hometown this weekend and staying in the previously mentioned aunt and uncle's cabin. I should link to it, but I am lazy. I am looking forward to seeing the nieces and nephews. It is a family reunion of sorts, so it should be interesting.

I bought some clothes this weekend, and they are fashionable. It is quite the accomplishment for me. I wore my new jacket to work today, and no one noticed. I have accepted this. Especially after the skirt incident. (Again, too lazy to link.) One lady complimented my haircut though. Too bad I haven't had a haircut for at least a month. Oh well. She went on this long speech about how proud she was that I cut my hair and how much younger I look now. It is unfortunate that I already look to be about 18. I get carded all the time. Not that I am out drinking all the time, but you know what I mean. Anyway, I guess I look 8 now. I grow my hair out and cut it short every so often, so a haircut is really not a big deal. I don't need a pep talk about it. Especially since I didn't even get a haircut. But I guess it was nice of her to notice [my non-existent haircut]?

Friday Two-and-a-Half

The ninjas have already arrived. And as promised, I have been shot with many ninjas already. I have tried to do some shooting of my own, but my aim and distance are not very accurate (read: the ninjas go straight up in the air when I shoot). With some practice, I could get good at this.

*****

A guy H and I don't know very well but who we went to law school with told a friend of ours that he is surprised that H and I are married. The guy said he can't picture us together. I can understand that to a certain extent. H and I are very different. H is tall. I am short. H is intense about sports. I like watching sports sometimes, but I am not fanatical (except about March Madness). H is really into working out and lifting weights. I prefer reading. H is very smart but hates to study. I spent most of law school in the library. If H does not like the way someone is acting, he is not usually shy about telling them. I avoid confrontation.

Our friend told the guy that H and I are good together because we have the same sense of humor, enjoy a lot of the same things, and have the same quirkiness about us. Maybe that sounds weird, but I think that is a decent explanation of why we work as a couple.

*****

Things I still need to blog about:
bad interviews
photo of my fridge (I am copying Stefanie, although probably not in as much detail because I cannot live up to her awesomeness.)
true things H refuse to believe (see my comment to Lawyerish in previous post - examples: clover, DDP)

If there is anything else special you want me to write about, please let me know. I may have to post some more cute baby pictures of my sister, since she liked the last one so much.

Also, if you have any more ideas of what I should put on my Christmas list, please share your ideas in the comments!

King and Queen of the Dorks (With a Side of Ninjas)

Someone who I happen to think is very cool has started a new blog about fitness. Check it out. It has inspired me to take better care of myself (starting now).

*****

Last night, H and I watched Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip together. Right after the credits, there is a scene where the actors are practicing a skit while the crew watches. One of the crew members was Lucy Davis, who played Dawn on the British version of The Office.

"Look! It's Dawn from The Office!" I yelled. I get excited easily.

"Oh," said H.

The scene went on, and then they showed Lucy/Dawn again.

"It's Dawn from The Office again!" I said.

"Oh," said H.

After the show, I said to H that I thought it was really cool that Lucy/Dawn was in the show, even though she only had one line. H had no idea what I was talking about. He apparently did not understand my shouts of "It's Dawn from The Office!" or perhaps he is just good at tuning me out. H denied that Lucy/Dawn was on the show last night, and we searched the internet but could find no mention of it. So we made a bet about whether Lucy/Dawn had been on Studio 60 or not.

Then this morning, I arrived at work to find that H had already sent me the following e-mail:

From: H
Sent: Tuesday, October 03, 2006 8:45 AM
To: -R-
Subject: dawn


There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60
There is no dawn in 60


Instead of responding, I sent H a link for a present I want to get one of our nephews. The link was to a gun that shoots ninjas instead of bullets.* H said it would be a good present and also said that he wanted one for himself. I wrote him back later to let him know I had ordered two ninja guns.

H responded:

From: H
Sent: Tuesday, October 03, 2006 9:31 AM
To: -R-
Subject: RE:


You are going to get hit with sooooo many ninjas
I almost feel sorry for you
Almost

Love,
No-dawn


And with that, I think we are officially no longer newlyweds.

Tonight, we watched Act 2 of Studio 60 on NBC's website, and guess who we saw and who was even listed as a guest star? Lucy/Dawn!


*Our nephew went through a period where he really liked to karate chop everything he saw. H told our nephew, "That is your pimp hand." So then the nephew went around announcing to everyone (H's family, other preschool students, people at his church), "This is my pimp hand!" And when our nephew would karate chop something, he would say, "Pimp!" with each chop. H was so proud.

One of These Things Is Not Like the Other

Here is the game for today. I will list the items I was wearing today, and you guess which items I bought myself and which one item was a present. Ready?

clearance t-shirt from Ann Taylor, all nubby (was probably supposed to be dry cleaned- too bad)
blazer from The Gap
skirt from Target - about 3 to 5 years old
brown Aerosole high heels, scuffed toes - at least 6 years old
Monsac purse


If you guessed the purse, you win... nothing. Sorry. Haven't I just proven how cheap I am? Most of the time, I can't stand to spend money on myself. H does not have the same problem. He is quite happy to spend money on himself. I think we tend to even each other out.


So... I need to come up with some things to put on my Christmas list. There are a lot of little things I want, but H does not do little things. Not his style. Suggestions? What have you been eyeing lately?


PS Yes, I realize it is only October 2nd, but we get started early in the -R- and H household.

Dirrrty

It is about 2:30 pm.
I didn't wake up until almost 11 am.
I am still wearing my pajamas.
I have not brushed my teeth yet.
Or my hair.


Next up for me: make myself presentable, go to the library, and go to the coffee shop.

*****
H and I went out to dinner last night with a friend (my law school friend) and then went to a movie. When we hang out with our friend, I feel like most of the conversation is the friend and I chatting like crazy with H chiming in occasionally. My friend and I both have the same conversation style of talking really fast and interrupting each other all the time, which I enjoy. H is more of a sit-back-and-listen kind of guy, which I appreciate, but sometimes I need the Gilmore Girls style banter.

We went to see Little Miss Sunshine, which we all LOVED. I laughed so hard that I cried, my friend said his sides hurt from laughing so much, and H was still laughing when getting ready for bed. I actually think I could watch Little Miss Sunshine again, which is not something I can say about many other movies.