I got a call at work today from The Incredible H. "Do you know Steve or Christy LastName from Certain Town, Florida?"
I do not know Steve or Christy. I asked why he was asking me about them.
"I just got a package at work and their names are on the return address. The only thing in the package is a video tape called True Believer. No note or anything."
We named off all the people in Florida that we could think of, but none were named Steve or Christy, and none were from Certain Town.
"Are there people who read your blog from Certain Town?" H asked.
"Not that I know of, but even if there were, how would they get your work address, and why would they send you a copy of True Believer? Is it one of those movies that tries to convert you?"
H said that he looked up the movie, and it was a war movie. AND the video was not shrink-wrapped and was only rewound halfway.
I thought maybe there was something on the tape. Maybe someone had taped over part of the movie with a threat for H. Or maybe someone had taped H doing something illegal (driving through a yellow light?) and was going to try to bribe him. Or maybe it was somehow related to one of his cases. I was certain that the movie contained some kind of awful message, so I told H to make an intern watch the whole movie and report back to him.
I was freaking out all afternoon. Maybe a deranged former client sent H the movie as some kind of warning. Maybe it was from a spurned ex-girlfriend and contained a tape of her threatening to reveal something bad he had done in college (like what, I don't know) if he didn't pay her off. Maybe it was from a victim of one of his clients who was going to try to exact revenge on H because H had gotten his client probation instead of jail time. WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE, AND WHY DID THEY SEND H A VIDEOTAPE?
Finally, at 5:30, H called me. The intern who had ordered H a new Incredible Hulk action figure had signed up for an eBay account with H's name and office address as the mailing contact and address so that the Hulk had been sent directly to H. But then the intern had ordered this video and forgot that it would be sent to H. Mystery solved!
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Thirteen Things That Make Me Type "OMG"
1. I overheard a guy at work making a joke about the Magna Carta. A joke about the Magna Carta. OMG, I work with f'ing nerds.
2. At a work-related party, I went through the buffet for H because his back hurt, and I got him a lot of honeydew. I noticed later that he wasn't eating and asked him what was wrong with the honeydew. He said, "OMG, I hate honeydew. Do you know me at all?" Apparently not.
3. At another work-related party, some bees came near us, and H announced that he was allergic to bee stings. He was stung once when he was pretty young, and disgusting and painful things happened that I will not go into here. The doctor told him that the next time he is stung, he could have a fatal reaction. OMG, don't you think that is something you should tell your wife before you are in a situation in which you are surrounded by bees? We survived unscathed though.
4. I wrote an e-mail to my boss last week that said, "OMG! Don't even tell me that!" I am so professional.
5. OMG, I have been alternating between leaving totally lame and boring comments and weird-ass, only-funny-in-my-mind comments on other people's blogs. Sorry.
6. Jenny and 3carnations (on Miss Zoot's blog) both wrote tremendously nice things about my blog. OMG, it made my whole week. I don't want to get too lame here, so I will just say thanks. (Even though Jenny wants me to go to hell- the nice one with kitties).
7. I am feeling kind of negative about my blog lately, which is stupid. I just see so many people who write better than I do, and I think I suck. But OMG, quit being so hard on yourself, self! Look at #6!
8. I trimmed too much of my toenail last night, and OMG, it really hurts.
9. OMG, I can't believe you are still reading this after I just wrote about my toenail. And I wonder why I don't have more readers.
10. We are inviting people over to our house a week from Saturday for a BBQ and other festivities, and I am kind of freaking out about it. What if it is really boring? I don't know how to entertain people. OMG, what if no one comes? Or worse, what if only one person comes and is a witness to that fact that no one else showed up?
11. I left for work today at around (OMG) 7 am! You should be really impressed!
12. I got home at (OMG) 8:41 pm. You should be really sad.
13. OMG, I love telling you how to feel.
2. At a work-related party, I went through the buffet for H because his back hurt, and I got him a lot of honeydew. I noticed later that he wasn't eating and asked him what was wrong with the honeydew. He said, "OMG, I hate honeydew. Do you know me at all?" Apparently not.
3. At another work-related party, some bees came near us, and H announced that he was allergic to bee stings. He was stung once when he was pretty young, and disgusting and painful things happened that I will not go into here. The doctor told him that the next time he is stung, he could have a fatal reaction. OMG, don't you think that is something you should tell your wife before you are in a situation in which you are surrounded by bees? We survived unscathed though.
4. I wrote an e-mail to my boss last week that said, "OMG! Don't even tell me that!" I am so professional.
5. OMG, I have been alternating between leaving totally lame and boring comments and weird-ass, only-funny-in-my-mind comments on other people's blogs. Sorry.
6. Jenny and 3carnations (on Miss Zoot's blog) both wrote tremendously nice things about my blog. OMG, it made my whole week. I don't want to get too lame here, so I will just say thanks. (Even though Jenny wants me to go to hell- the nice one with kitties).
7. I am feeling kind of negative about my blog lately, which is stupid. I just see so many people who write better than I do, and I think I suck. But OMG, quit being so hard on yourself, self! Look at #6!
8. I trimmed too much of my toenail last night, and OMG, it really hurts.
9. OMG, I can't believe you are still reading this after I just wrote about my toenail. And I wonder why I don't have more readers.
10. We are inviting people over to our house a week from Saturday for a BBQ and other festivities, and I am kind of freaking out about it. What if it is really boring? I don't know how to entertain people. OMG, what if no one comes? Or worse, what if only one person comes and is a witness to that fact that no one else showed up?
11. I left for work today at around (OMG) 7 am! You should be really impressed!
12. I got home at (OMG) 8:41 pm. You should be really sad.
13. OMG, I love telling you how to feel.
Monday, August 28, 2006
To The Misunderstood Go The Spoils
My boss came into my office when I was writing an e-mail to a friend on my gmail account. I was writing something about how families are weird sometimes.
My boss and I started chatting about what we had done over the weekend, and he asked, kind of out of the blue, how everything was going with my family. It wasn't prying, and it didn't make me uncomfortable. I was just surprised that he was asking about it. (The answer, by the way, is that everything is fine.)
After my boss left my office, I looked at my screen, and the google ads on gmail read, "HOW TO FIND YOUR MISSING FATHER" and "FAMILY COUNSELING." This plus the fact that I was apparently so upset on Friday I couldn't even coordinate an outfit- he must think I am having some major issues. Guess who is going to be told she needs to relax and not to do any work over the weekend. YES!
***
H thinks I should change my blog name to "Aaand You Know What Else" so that I will be listed first on all alphabetical blog rolls. He cracks me up. For the record, I came up with the name of my blog while singing a Weezer song ("My Name is Jonas" from their first self-titled album).
My boss and I started chatting about what we had done over the weekend, and he asked, kind of out of the blue, how everything was going with my family. It wasn't prying, and it didn't make me uncomfortable. I was just surprised that he was asking about it. (The answer, by the way, is that everything is fine.)
After my boss left my office, I looked at my screen, and the google ads on gmail read, "HOW TO FIND YOUR MISSING FATHER" and "FAMILY COUNSELING." This plus the fact that I was apparently so upset on Friday I couldn't even coordinate an outfit- he must think I am having some major issues. Guess who is going to be told she needs to relax and not to do any work over the weekend. YES!
***
H thinks I should change my blog name to "Aaand You Know What Else" so that I will be listed first on all alphabetical blog rolls. He cracks me up. For the record, I came up with the name of my blog while singing a Weezer song ("My Name is Jonas" from their first self-titled album).
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Why Mirrors Were Invented
Remember how I was going to bring my car in at 7 am a while ago? Yeah, that did not happen. I am incapable of being up and ready to go at 6:40 in order to have my car at the car place by 7 am.
So I rescheduled for last Friday morning at 7 am. Because just because I am incapable of having my car at the car place by 7 am does not mean that I won't keep trying.
On Friday morning, I set my alarm for 5:45 am. I actually got out of bed at 6:30 am. I took a shower, put on clothes, put on shoes, and left. I got to the car place at 7:20. Oops. At least I was kind of close to on time. My hair dried as I was waiting for my car, but I couldn't tell what it was looking like because the car place did not have a mirror in the waiting room. I also painted my toe nails while I was waiting, which is really not something fit for public consumption, but it had to be done, as I was wearing open-toed shoes. I did go into this kind of weird cubicle set up in the waiting room so that no one actually witnessed the toenail painting.
When my car was ready, I drove to the bus station and took the bus to work. I decided to walk to my office through the skyway, and a partner on the bonus committee (that's not really what it's called, but that committee decides the bonuses, so there you go) ended up walking with me, so we talked about the kind of random things you talk about with really senior people with whom you have nothing in common. I got to my office, sat down, and realized that my clothes did not match. My outfit did not coordinate AT ALL. My shirt did not go with my pants, and my shoes did not go with any of it. So that was awesome. The good news is that my hair turned out ok. But that means I will probably be tempted to try the whole air dry on the way to work method of getting ready again, and there is no guarantee of another successful air dry, so we may be headed towards future hair disasters.
Anyway, I was sitting in my office, trying to figure out how I could go heat up my lunch without anyone noticing my outfit, when my friend came into my office and asked if I was ready for the lunch meeting. I forgot that I had a meeting with a ton of coworkers and another member of the bonus committee. Why is it that I normally see zero people on this committee on a regular day, but when I look like a color blind freakazoid, I have to see TWO? And then I ran into a third committee member just walking down the hallway later that afternoon. There are only 10 people on this committee, and now three of them know I am a weirdo.
The moral of the story is: do not try to get car maintenance done before 8 am.
So I rescheduled for last Friday morning at 7 am. Because just because I am incapable of having my car at the car place by 7 am does not mean that I won't keep trying.
On Friday morning, I set my alarm for 5:45 am. I actually got out of bed at 6:30 am. I took a shower, put on clothes, put on shoes, and left. I got to the car place at 7:20. Oops. At least I was kind of close to on time. My hair dried as I was waiting for my car, but I couldn't tell what it was looking like because the car place did not have a mirror in the waiting room. I also painted my toe nails while I was waiting, which is really not something fit for public consumption, but it had to be done, as I was wearing open-toed shoes. I did go into this kind of weird cubicle set up in the waiting room so that no one actually witnessed the toenail painting.
When my car was ready, I drove to the bus station and took the bus to work. I decided to walk to my office through the skyway, and a partner on the bonus committee (that's not really what it's called, but that committee decides the bonuses, so there you go) ended up walking with me, so we talked about the kind of random things you talk about with really senior people with whom you have nothing in common. I got to my office, sat down, and realized that my clothes did not match. My outfit did not coordinate AT ALL. My shirt did not go with my pants, and my shoes did not go with any of it. So that was awesome. The good news is that my hair turned out ok. But that means I will probably be tempted to try the whole air dry on the way to work method of getting ready again, and there is no guarantee of another successful air dry, so we may be headed towards future hair disasters.
Anyway, I was sitting in my office, trying to figure out how I could go heat up my lunch without anyone noticing my outfit, when my friend came into my office and asked if I was ready for the lunch meeting. I forgot that I had a meeting with a ton of coworkers and another member of the bonus committee. Why is it that I normally see zero people on this committee on a regular day, but when I look like a color blind freakazoid, I have to see TWO? And then I ran into a third committee member just walking down the hallway later that afternoon. There are only 10 people on this committee, and now three of them know I am a weirdo.
The moral of the story is: do not try to get car maintenance done before 8 am.
Friday, August 25, 2006
You Are Looking Quite Slender Yourself
Guess what website is #1 when you search for "Speaker 1: 'You look so skinny!'"? I will give you a hint. It's this website! I will take this as a compliment from the universe.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Hello, moto
Tonight I am pulling a Lawyerish move and posting an oldie but a goodie.
***
When I worked at the courthouse, to get to my office, I had to walk by the ground floor receptionist, use my key card to get into the staircase, go up several flights, and use the key card to exit the staircase onto my floor. Every morning, the receptionist would say, "Hello, there!" or alternatively, "Hi, there!" and I would respond nicely and appropriately. After having these exchanges for about three months, she switched it up, saying, "Good morning, there!" FOr some reason this struck me as odd. Hello, there? Fine. Hi, there? Normal. Good morning, there? Whaaaa? I thought about it for two seconds and realized that she had said, "Good morning, Deb." Which means that EVERY morning she had been saying, "Hello, Deb." And my name is not Deb.
What do I do now? I had already entered the stairwell, so I could not walk all the way back and respond 30 seconds later, "My name is not Deb," after accidentally pretending that my name was Deb for three months. I decided that the chances of her figuring out on her own that my name was not Deb were slim and decided to just go with it. For another few months, my name was Deb every morning, and I liked it. That is, until I forgot my key card.
I could check one out from the ground floor receptionist, but I would have to sign it out, and she would see that my name was not Deb. Nor is it even close to Deb. I tried to take the public staircase and get in through the third floor reception area, but the third floor reception area was dark and locked. (In a little twist of irony, kind of, the third floor receptionist was actually named Deb.) I trudged back downstairs, and lo and behold, the woman sitting at the reception desk was not the usual receptionist. Instead, there was a substitute receptionist I had never seen before! I checked out a key card and went about my business.
When I left that night, I tried to return my borrowed key card, but the substitute had already left. I had to turn it in the next morning, and of course, the usual receptionist was back. I handed her the key card. She said, "Thanks, Deb." I asked her if I needed to sign anything, and she said no. I was home free! Until about 15 minutes later when she called my office, saying, "I thought your name was Deb!" She must have had to mark on the sign out sheet that I returned the key card. "Ummm... nope, it's not."
And almost every morning, for the next 153 mornings or so, I heard, "Good morning, -R-."
***
When I worked at the courthouse, to get to my office, I had to walk by the ground floor receptionist, use my key card to get into the staircase, go up several flights, and use the key card to exit the staircase onto my floor. Every morning, the receptionist would say, "Hello, there!" or alternatively, "Hi, there!" and I would respond nicely and appropriately. After having these exchanges for about three months, she switched it up, saying, "Good morning, there!" FOr some reason this struck me as odd. Hello, there? Fine. Hi, there? Normal. Good morning, there? Whaaaa? I thought about it for two seconds and realized that she had said, "Good morning, Deb." Which means that EVERY morning she had been saying, "Hello, Deb." And my name is not Deb.
What do I do now? I had already entered the stairwell, so I could not walk all the way back and respond 30 seconds later, "My name is not Deb," after accidentally pretending that my name was Deb for three months. I decided that the chances of her figuring out on her own that my name was not Deb were slim and decided to just go with it. For another few months, my name was Deb every morning, and I liked it. That is, until I forgot my key card.
I could check one out from the ground floor receptionist, but I would have to sign it out, and she would see that my name was not Deb. Nor is it even close to Deb. I tried to take the public staircase and get in through the third floor reception area, but the third floor reception area was dark and locked. (In a little twist of irony, kind of, the third floor receptionist was actually named Deb.) I trudged back downstairs, and lo and behold, the woman sitting at the reception desk was not the usual receptionist. Instead, there was a substitute receptionist I had never seen before! I checked out a key card and went about my business.
When I left that night, I tried to return my borrowed key card, but the substitute had already left. I had to turn it in the next morning, and of course, the usual receptionist was back. I handed her the key card. She said, "Thanks, Deb." I asked her if I needed to sign anything, and she said no. I was home free! Until about 15 minutes later when she called my office, saying, "I thought your name was Deb!" She must have had to mark on the sign out sheet that I returned the key card. "Ummm... nope, it's not."
And almost every morning, for the next 153 mornings or so, I heard, "Good morning, -R-."
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Thursday Lame-Ass Thirteen
1. I wore the cutest new skirt today, and no one at work complimented it.
2. I typically wear about 5 different outfits to work, so you would think my coworkers would be excited that I am actually wearing something new.
3. Maybe they are just not very observant.
4. But they all noticed when I got my hair cut!
5. I was going to try to stretch this into 13 things, but I really do not think that is going to happen.
6. Maybe I can do it?
7. No.
8. H's new plan is for us to both sign up for E-Harmony and then see if we get matched together.
9. It is my opinion that no good can come from this plan.
10. Don't worry. I think he is kidding about the plan.
11. Speaking of plans, remember how I was going to try to eat better?
12. Today I ate a brownie that was approximately the size of my head.
13. The skirt:
![]()
Pretend that there are no clothes on the floor and that the way I am standing does not make my foot look deformed. In fact, only look at the skirt. Do not look at anything else in the picture. Especially the shirt that I got on clearance four years ago at Petite Sophisticate. Look only at the skirt! Isn't it cute?
PS Crazy Baskethead Vincent won?! And he kind of deserved it?! Uli's outfit was better, but still. It was Project Runway miracle.
2. I typically wear about 5 different outfits to work, so you would think my coworkers would be excited that I am actually wearing something new.
3. Maybe they are just not very observant.
4. But they all noticed when I got my hair cut!
5. I was going to try to stretch this into 13 things, but I really do not think that is going to happen.
6. Maybe I can do it?
7. No.
8. H's new plan is for us to both sign up for E-Harmony and then see if we get matched together.
9. It is my opinion that no good can come from this plan.
10. Don't worry. I think he is kidding about the plan.
11. Speaking of plans, remember how I was going to try to eat better?
12. Today I ate a brownie that was approximately the size of my head.
13. The skirt:
Pretend that there are no clothes on the floor and that the way I am standing does not make my foot look deformed. In fact, only look at the skirt. Do not look at anything else in the picture. Especially the shirt that I got on clearance four years ago at Petite Sophisticate. Look only at the skirt! Isn't it cute?
PS Crazy Baskethead Vincent won?! And he kind of deserved it?! Uli's outfit was better, but still. It was Project Runway miracle.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Dr. Feelgood
H and I have a game where we will sing four-syllable phrases to the tune of a certain Falco song called "Rock Me, Amadeus." So, for example, one of us might sing, "Michael Vartan Michael Vartan. Michael Vartan. Michael Vartan Michael Vartan. Michael Vartan. Michael Vartan Michael Vartan. Oh oh Michael Vartan. Rock me, Michael Vartan."
And then the other one might say, "Will you please shut up with the Michael Vartan???" It is a really fun game. You should definitely try it.
***
I just asked H what I should write about tonight, and he said, "Write about my love for The Hulk." So I will. H loves the Incredible Hulk. He likes the comic book, and I think he likes the tv show with Lou Ferrigno. We also own the movie, (to which I had to spend several minutes trying to find a link for because it is called Hulk instead of The Incredible Hulk-- darn you, Ang Lee) so I am guessing he likes that too.
H has an Incredible Hulk action figure (do not call it a doll; it is an action figure) in his office. Some of his coworkers tease him about it, but that is ok because he teases them too and because he is about a foot taller than most of his coworkers. So when H was on vacation, one of his coworkers was messing around with the action figure in front of everyone else and snapped its arm off. (Actually, the coworker was an intern - what is up these summer interns!) The coworker felt so bad that he went on e-bay to buy H a new Hulk. But the only one he could find like H's was in the UK and cost $40 + shipping. So he ordered it! H felt kind of bad that this guy had spent all this money on a new Hulk when he really could have just super-glued the arm back on, so we invited him over to play Guitar Hero. Guitar Hero makes everyone feel better!
And then the other one might say, "Will you please shut up with the Michael Vartan???" It is a really fun game. You should definitely try it.
***
I just asked H what I should write about tonight, and he said, "Write about my love for The Hulk." So I will. H loves the Incredible Hulk. He likes the comic book, and I think he likes the tv show with Lou Ferrigno. We also own the movie, (to which I had to spend several minutes trying to find a link for because it is called Hulk instead of The Incredible Hulk-- darn you, Ang Lee) so I am guessing he likes that too.
H has an Incredible Hulk action figure (do not call it a doll; it is an action figure) in his office. Some of his coworkers tease him about it, but that is ok because he teases them too and because he is about a foot taller than most of his coworkers. So when H was on vacation, one of his coworkers was messing around with the action figure in front of everyone else and snapped its arm off. (Actually, the coworker was an intern - what is up these summer interns!) The coworker felt so bad that he went on e-bay to buy H a new Hulk. But the only one he could find like H's was in the UK and cost $40 + shipping. So he ordered it! H felt kind of bad that this guy had spent all this money on a new Hulk when he really could have just super-glued the arm back on, so we invited him over to play Guitar Hero. Guitar Hero makes everyone feel better!
Monday, August 21, 2006
Why I Am Better Than You
I was standing around with some coworkers at an after-work function, discussing my love for Project Runway, when this intern piped in, "I don't even own a television."
"Really?" I asked, because I didn't know what else to say.
"Television is so pedestrian. Watching television is such a waste of time, and it rots your brain. I can't believe people watch so much television these days. It just really is not worth it. I haven't owned a television in years."
"Hmmm. That's nice," I say to the intern as I share a look with the partner and freaking HIRING PARTNER with whom I had been discussing Project Runway. "Anyway, I really hope Michael wins."
We continue to discuss Detroit Neck Tattoo and Madame Granny Circles (some of my Project Runway peeps) as the intern stands by awkwardly. And I do not feel bad at all.
"I am so sad Alias is off the air now," says the partner.
The intern grins, "I love Alias! Blah blah blah Sidney Bristow blah blah blah Michael Vartan blah." [Editor's note: Ok, that is not an exact quote, but that is all I know about Alias. Mmmmmm... Michael Vartan.]
"How do you know about Alias?" I ask. "I thought you didn't own a television."
It turns out that the intern doesn't own a television: she rents DVDs of tv shows and then watches them on her laptop. So you are a loser and an idiot if you watch television shows on a television, but if you watch last season's episodes on a laptop, you are a freaking genius and we can all only dream about one day becoming half as wonderful as you are. Yes, I only wish that I could insult a hiring partner to her face when I am a lowly intern.
"Really?" I asked, because I didn't know what else to say.
"Television is so pedestrian. Watching television is such a waste of time, and it rots your brain. I can't believe people watch so much television these days. It just really is not worth it. I haven't owned a television in years."
"Hmmm. That's nice," I say to the intern as I share a look with the partner and freaking HIRING PARTNER with whom I had been discussing Project Runway. "Anyway, I really hope Michael wins."
We continue to discuss Detroit Neck Tattoo and Madame Granny Circles (some of my Project Runway peeps) as the intern stands by awkwardly. And I do not feel bad at all.
"I am so sad Alias is off the air now," says the partner.
The intern grins, "I love Alias! Blah blah blah Sidney Bristow blah blah blah Michael Vartan blah." [Editor's note: Ok, that is not an exact quote, but that is all I know about Alias. Mmmmmm... Michael Vartan.]
"How do you know about Alias?" I ask. "I thought you didn't own a television."
It turns out that the intern doesn't own a television: she rents DVDs of tv shows and then watches them on her laptop. So you are a loser and an idiot if you watch television shows on a television, but if you watch last season's episodes on a laptop, you are a freaking genius and we can all only dream about one day becoming half as wonderful as you are. Yes, I only wish that I could insult a hiring partner to her face when I am a lowly intern.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
F-R-I-E-N-D-S
Today is the first anniversary of the Friends of the Friendless Marching Band. Carol came up with the name of the FFMB from an episode of "I Love Lucy" in which Lucy is feeling horribly lonely, and the Friends of the Friendless Marching Band marches by, cheering her up. Carol modified the FFMB for the internet by listing three new blogs on her site each Friday that always had less than 5 comments. The members of the FFMB then go to each listed blog and leave a comment.
I was chosen by Carol probably 7 months ago as a FFMB blog. My only visitor before the FFMB came by was my husband. I was embarassed to tell anyone about my blog, and I can't remember ever commenting on anyone else's blog before then. The FFMB made me realize that I could get readers other than H, and I could put time into my blog to make it something worth reading. The FFMB made me realize that leaving comments on other people's blogs could brighten their days a little bit, and even if the blogger didn't care about my comment, it never hurt to leave one.
I don't know how Carol or another band person found my blog or why Carol chose to list it on her site, but I truly appreciate the effort she makes to encourage "friendless" bloggers.
I was chosen by Carol probably 7 months ago as a FFMB blog. My only visitor before the FFMB came by was my husband. I was embarassed to tell anyone about my blog, and I can't remember ever commenting on anyone else's blog before then. The FFMB made me realize that I could get readers other than H, and I could put time into my blog to make it something worth reading. The FFMB made me realize that leaving comments on other people's blogs could brighten their days a little bit, and even if the blogger didn't care about my comment, it never hurt to leave one.
I don't know how Carol or another band person found my blog or why Carol chose to list it on her site, but I truly appreciate the effort she makes to encourage "friendless" bloggers.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
And The Gloves Come Off
Thirteen Things I Hate:
1. Snakes on a Plane. I am sorry, people, but there should be no snakes on my tv screen or on my computer screen EVER. There should be no pictures of snakes in my magazines EVER. There should be ... you get the point.
2. When people flirt with the boss to get special favors.
3. Crazy Baskethead Vincent staying on Project Runway while Alison gets kicked off.
4. Having the bus driver shut the doors and drive off when I am less than 30 feet from the bus. Especially when it is the last bus to Minneapolis from my stop.
5. Getting home from work when it is dark outside.
6. Working out.
7. H's student loans. I hate you, student loans, and I am not afraid to admit it.
8. When someone says something mean and then says, "Can't you take a joke?" or the equivalent. So passive-agressive.
9. Having to take my car in at 7 am tomorrow. I normally wake up at 7. This is going to be bad.
10. Checking my e-mail and having no new messages.
11. This is a controversial one: red wine.
12. More controversy: I hate both Coke AND Pepsi.
13. I will give you a moment to calm down after all that controversy. And now, the final thing I hate is... Jell-o with fruit in it. Or Jell-o with mayonnaise on it. Have you ever heard of that? I had not. And then I took a bit of Jell-o with whipped cream on it at my grandma's house when I was about 12, and I said, "Mom, I think this whipped cream is spoiled," which would not really be that surprising at my grandma's house, and my mom said, "No, that is just mayonnaise." Barf.
1. Snakes on a Plane. I am sorry, people, but there should be no snakes on my tv screen or on my computer screen EVER. There should be no pictures of snakes in my magazines EVER. There should be ... you get the point.
2. When people flirt with the boss to get special favors.
3. Crazy Baskethead Vincent staying on Project Runway while Alison gets kicked off.
4. Having the bus driver shut the doors and drive off when I am less than 30 feet from the bus. Especially when it is the last bus to Minneapolis from my stop.
5. Getting home from work when it is dark outside.
6. Working out.
7. H's student loans. I hate you, student loans, and I am not afraid to admit it.
8. When someone says something mean and then says, "Can't you take a joke?" or the equivalent. So passive-agressive.
9. Having to take my car in at 7 am tomorrow. I normally wake up at 7. This is going to be bad.
10. Checking my e-mail and having no new messages.
11. This is a controversial one: red wine.
12. More controversy: I hate both Coke AND Pepsi.
13. I will give you a moment to calm down after all that controversy. And now, the final thing I hate is... Jell-o with fruit in it. Or Jell-o with mayonnaise on it. Have you ever heard of that? I had not. And then I took a bit of Jell-o with whipped cream on it at my grandma's house when I was about 12, and I said, "Mom, I think this whipped cream is spoiled," which would not really be that surprising at my grandma's house, and my mom said, "No, that is just mayonnaise." Barf.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Hypothetically...
Have you ever had a blog that you did not especially want people at work to read? And then have a coworker mention a story you wrote on such blog? And then perhaps the contents of your stomach started churning as you silently panicked? But then you realized that you must have just told this coworker the same story you wrote about on your blog, you big panicky freak? Not that this would ever happen to me. Of course not. I am just wondering.
Or have you ever gotten home from work and your husband wanted to show you a picture he got by e-mail? And it was a picture of this hot woman and her dog? And the hot woman is someone he met while he was at a work conference so you have never met her? Did you then get jealous and later, when you noticed that your husband did not close the e-mail program, maybe you read all the e-mail (really only a few messages) that he has exchanged with this hot woman? And were you then pissed because, wait a minute, when did you become a jealous wife who reads her husband's e-mail? So you then confessed this to your husband who laughed because you are being silly? No? Umm... me neither.
Hypothetically, the hot woman probably gave a speech about the dog at the work conference, which is why she would be sending this picture to your husband, and you might know this is not just a weird story your husband concocted to explain the picture because the speech is referenced in the e-mail sent with the picture.
Finally, have you ever wanted to go to Duluth for your anniversary but weren't able to go there? Where would you go now that Duluth is out (and you want to stay within a few hours of the Twin Cities)?
Or have you ever gotten home from work and your husband wanted to show you a picture he got by e-mail? And it was a picture of this hot woman and her dog? And the hot woman is someone he met while he was at a work conference so you have never met her? Did you then get jealous and later, when you noticed that your husband did not close the e-mail program, maybe you read all the e-mail (really only a few messages) that he has exchanged with this hot woman? And were you then pissed because, wait a minute, when did you become a jealous wife who reads her husband's e-mail? So you then confessed this to your husband who laughed because you are being silly? No? Umm... me neither.
Hypothetically, the hot woman probably gave a speech about the dog at the work conference, which is why she would be sending this picture to your husband, and you might know this is not just a weird story your husband concocted to explain the picture because the speech is referenced in the e-mail sent with the picture.
Finally, have you ever wanted to go to Duluth for your anniversary but weren't able to go there? Where would you go now that Duluth is out (and you want to stay within a few hours of the Twin Cities)?
Monday, August 14, 2006
My Aunt Went to California and All She Got Me Was This T-Shirt
My friend just got her wedding pictures back, which is really exciting. Except that I was sitting behind the bride and groom on the mandap (stage/altar) during the ceremony, and I look so bored in all of the pictures. My facial expression says, "Oh my Vishnu, is this thing almost over?!" I was actually thinking, "Please, please let the bride's aunts stop yelling at me because I cannot understand them. I hope I do not screw up this ceremony any more than I already did when I completely tripped on my way down the aisle and almost started the building on fire because I was holding a lit candle. Am I supposed to be doing something right now?" So hopefully I can be photoshopped out of any of the pictures I am in because the bride and groom look gorgeous in all of them.
When visiting the same friend for her Bachelorette Weekend of Debauchery, H and I bought a Stanford t-shirt for our niece. Affter we first visited Stanford a few years ago, H told his niece (who was in 3rd grade at the time- she starts 6th grade in a few weeks) that she should go to college at Stanford. She has remembered this and brings it up sometimes when we see her. So we got her a t-shirt, and she seemed really excited to get it. We saw H's mom last week and asked her if the niece has been wearing the shirt. H's mom said that the niece hasn't worn it yet because she said she is saving it for the first day of school. And the Best Aunt and Uncle Award goes to... H and me!
When visiting the same friend for her Bachelorette Weekend of Debauchery, H and I bought a Stanford t-shirt for our niece. Affter we first visited Stanford a few years ago, H told his niece (who was in 3rd grade at the time- she starts 6th grade in a few weeks) that she should go to college at Stanford. She has remembered this and brings it up sometimes when we see her. So we got her a t-shirt, and she seemed really excited to get it. We saw H's mom last week and asked her if the niece has been wearing the shirt. H's mom said that the niece hasn't worn it yet because she said she is saving it for the first day of school. And the Best Aunt and Uncle Award goes to... H and me!
Sunday, August 13, 2006
The Story of How I Met H
After my second week of law school, there was a big shindig at a local bar for all the law students. One of the students in attendance was a second-year who was a relatively small guy, but a big jerk. He said something obnoxious to H, another second-year student. H threw his beer on the jerk and got thrown out of the bar. I was not impressed with either guy.
H talked his way back into the bar, but I was leaving. H claims that a guy we both knew introduced us and that he remembers meeting me, but I have no recollection of meeting him that night. Yet, when people ask how we met, the story of getting into a fight is the story that H always wants to tell.
Thereal story of how we met is that the following week, a girl I knew got a group of people together to go out. One of the guys she invited brought H. He was quiet and shy all evening. He didn't speak much, but when he did, it was both sweet and funny.
All of us went back to this girl's house for a little bit. Most of us sat down; only H and the guy that my friend had a crush on were left standing. I suggested that H sit by me because then the other guy would have to sit in the only remaining seat, next to the girl who had a crush on him. But H took my suggestion to mean that I liked him. We chatted. H continued to be sweet, shy, and extremely nice. He asked me out a few days later, and I accepted.
On our first date, H took me to a Chinese restaurant and sang a song from Late Night with Conan O'Brien about a guy who was protected from 3-inch bees. How could I resist!
H talked his way back into the bar, but I was leaving. H claims that a guy we both knew introduced us and that he remembers meeting me, but I have no recollection of meeting him that night. Yet, when people ask how we met, the story of getting into a fight is the story that H always wants to tell.
Thereal story of how we met is that the following week, a girl I knew got a group of people together to go out. One of the guys she invited brought H. He was quiet and shy all evening. He didn't speak much, but when he did, it was both sweet and funny.
All of us went back to this girl's house for a little bit. Most of us sat down; only H and the guy that my friend had a crush on were left standing. I suggested that H sit by me because then the other guy would have to sit in the only remaining seat, next to the girl who had a crush on him. But H took my suggestion to mean that I liked him. We chatted. H continued to be sweet, shy, and extremely nice. He asked me out a few days later, and I accepted.
On our first date, H took me to a Chinese restaurant and sang a song from Late Night with Conan O'Brien about a guy who was protected from 3-inch bees. How could I resist!
Saturday, August 12, 2006
About Me
I am a 27-year-old woman.
I got married in 2005, when I was 26.
During one six-week period, I got married, bought a house, moved (into the new house), and started a new job. A few weeks later, my husband started a new job.
On this blog, I refer to my husband as "H."
I am an attorney. So is H, but we practice in very different areas of the law.
I work long hours, but not crazy NYC law firm kind of hours.
I live in Minnesota.
I was born in Tennessee. I have also lived in Kansas, Nebraska (twice - I moved away and came back), New Jersey, and Texas (twice).
I love Project Runway andGrey's Anatomy The Office.
I typically read two books a week.
I have a crush on Dule Hill.
I am semi-anonymous on this blog only because I would prefer that people from work and my clients not read all of my stories.
I love when people comment on this site or e-mail me.
I got married in 2005, when I was 26.
During one six-week period, I got married, bought a house, moved (into the new house), and started a new job. A few weeks later, my husband started a new job.
On this blog, I refer to my husband as "H."
I am an attorney. So is H, but we practice in very different areas of the law.
I work long hours, but not crazy NYC law firm kind of hours.
I live in Minnesota.
I was born in Tennessee. I have also lived in Kansas, Nebraska (twice - I moved away and came back), New Jersey, and Texas (twice).
I love Project Runway and
I typically read two books a week.
I have a crush on Dule Hill.
I am semi-anonymous on this blog only because I would prefer that people from work and my clients not read all of my stories.
I love when people comment on this site or e-mail me.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Benign Riot
I have a friend at work. Yes, I know; it is shocking. My friend and I tell each other stupid stories and make fun of our coworkers. I know my friend repeats some of my stories to his wife because the first time H and I met her, she made a reference to the benign riot story I had told my friend.
****************************************
Benign Riot Interlude
About two years ago, I had to watch multiple hours of surveillance video of a jail riot. For your future reference, jails do not cheap out on their surveillance cameras. This was some excellent, full-color coverage. However, the footage was not so exciting.
Guards: Please go into your cells. We need to count everyone right now.
Prisoners: Nooooooooooo! We want popcorn!
Guards: Please go to your cells?
Prisoners: [Standing around by the guards' counter] Popcorn! Popcorn!
Guards: Cells?
The prisoners started stacking chairs and making their t-shirts into turbans and bandana-type headgear. (Very prison chic.) Then the guards walked out of the jail. Just. Walked. Out.
For the next eight hours, the prisoners ate popcorn, tried to use the phone, and tried to use the guards' computer to get on the internet. Finally the SWAT announced they were going to enter. The prisoners all went and stood in their cells. Swat threw in some smoke bombs and busted into the jail in full riot gear. The prisoners just watched from their cells.
End of Interlude
*******************************************
My friend at work told me a story this morning, and H called a few minutes later. I told H the general outline of my friend's story.
Later, H forwarded me an e-mail he had received that was kind of related to my friend's story, and it was funny. So I forwarded it to my friend. He didn't respond. I started worrying that I had offended him. A few hours later, he came by my office, and he had not been offended. He had been doing this thing I should try sometime called actually doing work. I am so lame.
And now I am hungry for popcorn.
****************************************
Benign Riot Interlude
About two years ago, I had to watch multiple hours of surveillance video of a jail riot. For your future reference, jails do not cheap out on their surveillance cameras. This was some excellent, full-color coverage. However, the footage was not so exciting.
Guards: Please go into your cells. We need to count everyone right now.
Prisoners: Nooooooooooo! We want popcorn!
Guards: Please go to your cells?
Prisoners: [Standing around by the guards' counter] Popcorn! Popcorn!
Guards: Cells?
The prisoners started stacking chairs and making their t-shirts into turbans and bandana-type headgear. (Very prison chic.) Then the guards walked out of the jail. Just. Walked. Out.
For the next eight hours, the prisoners ate popcorn, tried to use the phone, and tried to use the guards' computer to get on the internet. Finally the SWAT announced they were going to enter. The prisoners all went and stood in their cells. Swat threw in some smoke bombs and busted into the jail in full riot gear. The prisoners just watched from their cells.
End of Interlude
*******************************************
My friend at work told me a story this morning, and H called a few minutes later. I told H the general outline of my friend's story.
Later, H forwarded me an e-mail he had received that was kind of related to my friend's story, and it was funny. So I forwarded it to my friend. He didn't respond. I started worrying that I had offended him. A few hours later, he came by my office, and he had not been offended. He had been doing this thing I should try sometime called actually doing work. I am so lame.
And now I am hungry for popcorn.
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
Thirteen Things
I do not have a clever theme today. Today you will be reading thirteen things about me that are probably not connected in any way.
1. I worry about what other people think of me.
2. But usually this worry only comes after I do or say something stupid. Why not before? Aargh.
3. I like living in the suburbs.
4. I am close enough to the city that there are lots of things to do, but I get to have a yard and live close to two (TWO) SuperTargets.
5. Sometimes I get a little Minnesota accent when I say words with an "a" like class, or words with an "o" like Minnesoooota.
6. My sister laughs at my accent and makes fun of me.
7. She is just jealous because she lives in the middle of nowhere Kansas. (I realize that is redundant.)
8. I am Catholic.
9. I hate when people make assumptions about me based on the fact that I am Catholic or that I go to church.
10. I hate to vacuum, but I don't mind cleaning the bathroom.
11. If a person's porn name is their first pet's name plus the name of the street they grew up on, my name would be Mandy Kociemba. Or Mandy 118th Plaza. I will go with Mandy Kociemba.
12. I had lived in five states before I turned 12. I have moved three times since then, but have only lived in six different states.
13. I was cute as a blonde:
1. I worry about what other people think of me.
2. But usually this worry only comes after I do or say something stupid. Why not before? Aargh.
3. I like living in the suburbs.
4. I am close enough to the city that there are lots of things to do, but I get to have a yard and live close to two (TWO) SuperTargets.
5. Sometimes I get a little Minnesota accent when I say words with an "a" like class, or words with an "o" like Minnesoooota.
6. My sister laughs at my accent and makes fun of me.
7. She is just jealous because she lives in the middle of nowhere Kansas. (I realize that is redundant.)
8. I am Catholic.
9. I hate when people make assumptions about me based on the fact that I am Catholic or that I go to church.
10. I hate to vacuum, but I don't mind cleaning the bathroom.
11. If a person's porn name is their first pet's name plus the name of the street they grew up on, my name would be Mandy Kociemba. Or Mandy 118th Plaza. I will go with Mandy Kociemba.
12. I had lived in five states before I turned 12. I have moved three times since then, but have only lived in six different states.
13. I was cute as a blonde:
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
Garrison Keillor's Other Show
I actually have about 10 ideas for posts (normally, I just get online and type whatever the heck I am thinking about, but I actually have a list of post ideas right now - whoa), but instead I am going to continue the tour of Chez -R-.
We begin today with a close-up of the best bedspread ever.
This bedspread was purchased at TJ Maxx/Homegoods for $40. I saw similar bedspreads at Bed, Bath, and Beyond for $100. And the one I got is of excellent quality. Bargain shopping rules! Speaking of good bargains, I recently saved $68 on my Sprint bill, so e-mail me if you need some money-saving tips! I am stingy!
Our tour today will show you the rest of the upstairs of Chez -R-, although we will not be looking at closets or bathrooms today. I am boring enough as it is. Please follow me into the hallway, where we can view the awesome laundry chute in all its chute-tastic glory. Also, the cross-stitchy thing above was made by H's great-aunt.
Here is the guest bedroom.
What is that next to the bed, you ask? Why, it is just a typical wedding present!
You did not receive wooden briefcases with your initals carved into them for your wedding? How unfortunate for you! They make excellent nightstands!*
*Note to H, I am not dissing your uncle's handiwork. He did a really good job making these briefcases, and they are very nice. But you have to admit they are kind of weird presents. I really appreciate the thought and effort, but they are unusual. That is all I'm saying!
Continuing on... I call this the travel shelf.
We have here a picture of camels that my sister bought us in Mongolia, some bowls from Mongolia, a picture I took of the Spoonbridge and Cherry, and some other travel-related pictures and objects.
Finally, we have the office. Can you tell I did not clean before taking this picture?
Can you guess who decorated this room? [Hint: I am not really into comics.]
Here is where I blog and do annoying work stuff.
Finally, here is a movie ticket I unearthed while looking for something else.
Garrison is apparently a dirty, dirty man.
We begin today with a close-up of the best bedspread ever.
This bedspread was purchased at TJ Maxx/Homegoods for $40. I saw similar bedspreads at Bed, Bath, and Beyond for $100. And the one I got is of excellent quality. Bargain shopping rules! Speaking of good bargains, I recently saved $68 on my Sprint bill, so e-mail me if you need some money-saving tips! I am stingy!
Our tour today will show you the rest of the upstairs of Chez -R-, although we will not be looking at closets or bathrooms today. I am boring enough as it is. Please follow me into the hallway, where we can view the awesome laundry chute in all its chute-tastic glory. Also, the cross-stitchy thing above was made by H's great-aunt.
Here is the guest bedroom.
What is that next to the bed, you ask? Why, it is just a typical wedding present!
You did not receive wooden briefcases with your initals carved into them for your wedding? How unfortunate for you! They make excellent nightstands!*
*Note to H, I am not dissing your uncle's handiwork. He did a really good job making these briefcases, and they are very nice. But you have to admit they are kind of weird presents. I really appreciate the thought and effort, but they are unusual. That is all I'm saying!
Continuing on... I call this the travel shelf.
We have here a picture of camels that my sister bought us in Mongolia, some bowls from Mongolia, a picture I took of the Spoonbridge and Cherry, and some other travel-related pictures and objects.
Finally, we have the office. Can you tell I did not clean before taking this picture?
Can you guess who decorated this room? [Hint: I am not really into comics.]
Here is where I blog and do annoying work stuff.
Finally, here is a movie ticket I unearthed while looking for something else.
Garrison is apparently a dirty, dirty man.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Welcome to My Bedroom
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Stuff Only I Care About
I am doing some work while awaiting the arrival of our new bedroom furniture. Our current bedroom furniture = bed frame, a shoe sorter that I have been using as a nightstand since my freshman year of college, a wicker chest thingy that we got as a wedding present (it is nice but not something we registered for, most likely it was on sale at ShopKo) that we have been using as a nightstand, and a purple chair my mom gave me in law school. We are keeping the purple chair. I may post some pictures when we get the furniture. Try to hold back some of your excitement!
Our furniture is supposed to arrive between 2:11 and 5:11. Why not between 2 and 5? Or even between 2:10 and 5:10? That is for HOM Furniture to know and for you to not find out.
***
What else? H and I are embarking on a new healthy eating plan. H has been on his HEP for two or three weeks now. He is being all official and consulting a dietician and eating lots of fruit and vegetables. He has already lost 10 pounds!
My goal is to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks. I am telling you this because I need to be responsible for this and if I am telling you about it, I will be more likely to stick to my plan. I have three weakness which are necessitating my HEP:
1. Free food - I cannot resist it! Typically, I get free lunch once or twice a week at work. There are always free bagels and assorted danishes. And when it is someone's birthday, people go CRAZY. It is very difficult for me to pass up free food, especially when it is good, but that is step one.
2. Caribou Coffee Coolers/ Starbucks Lite Coffee Frappuccinos - So tasty on a hot summer morning! And if I take a summer intern with me and buy them coffee, my company will pay for both my coffee and the intern's. My company is trying to make me fat. Step two is no more coffee coolers or frappuccinos. Except I just got a coupon for a free ANYTHING I WANT at Starbucks, so I can use that, and then that is the end of the coolers.
3. Chinese food - My body REQUIRES that I eat Chinese food. It contains essential elements that my body needs. I think these elements are fat and salt, but that is not the point. Step three is Chinese food no more than once a month.
I bring my lunch and a snack or two every day, so that is not a problem. The only other step to my plan is to start riding my exercise bike again. Since I usually don't get home until 8:30, I am going to try riding in the morning. The odds of this happening are about 1 in 15. But if I don't ride in the morning, I will ride at night.
Our furniture is supposed to arrive between 2:11 and 5:11. Why not between 2 and 5? Or even between 2:10 and 5:10? That is for HOM Furniture to know and for you to not find out.
***
What else? H and I are embarking on a new healthy eating plan. H has been on his HEP for two or three weeks now. He is being all official and consulting a dietician and eating lots of fruit and vegetables. He has already lost 10 pounds!
My goal is to lose 10 pounds in 10 weeks. I am telling you this because I need to be responsible for this and if I am telling you about it, I will be more likely to stick to my plan. I have three weakness which are necessitating my HEP:
1. Free food - I cannot resist it! Typically, I get free lunch once or twice a week at work. There are always free bagels and assorted danishes. And when it is someone's birthday, people go CRAZY. It is very difficult for me to pass up free food, especially when it is good, but that is step one.
2. Caribou Coffee Coolers/ Starbucks Lite Coffee Frappuccinos - So tasty on a hot summer morning! And if I take a summer intern with me and buy them coffee, my company will pay for both my coffee and the intern's. My company is trying to make me fat. Step two is no more coffee coolers or frappuccinos. Except I just got a coupon for a free ANYTHING I WANT at Starbucks, so I can use that, and then that is the end of the coolers.
3. Chinese food - My body REQUIRES that I eat Chinese food. It contains essential elements that my body needs. I think these elements are fat and salt, but that is not the point. Step three is Chinese food no more than once a month.
I bring my lunch and a snack or two every day, so that is not a problem. The only other step to my plan is to start riding my exercise bike again. Since I usually don't get home until 8:30, I am going to try riding in the morning. The odds of this happening are about 1 in 15. But if I don't ride in the morning, I will ride at night.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Good News and Bad News
My friend who tells the greatest story ever is staying with us tonight because he is moving to Minnesota (yay!), so I must go entertain him. I will try to post this weekend!
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Pretty Soon I'll Be Calling Everyone "Sonny" and Playing Canasta All Day
Thirteen Ways I Know I Am An Old Lady
1. I am happy when it rains because, "The lawn really needs a good rain."
2. I can make kids behave by giving them a stern look.
3. I have no idea what music is cool. (To be honest, that has always been the case.)
4. I have held the title "matron of honor." Matron! Eh.
5. I think MySpace is annoying and can't believe so many people use it. Also, the pictures some teens have on there freak me out. I know about the pictures from watching Dateline. Seriously, why does Dateline do a story on that every week? Move on, Dateline.
6. I write about Dateline on my blog.
7. I think fashion trends are horrid. Just today, I was looking at Ann Taylor Loft online, and I saw LEGGINGS for sale. LEGGINGS. NOOOO. I also saw a person at work wearing a red kimono over gray capri leggings with giant glasses and black/white/green striped shoes. WTF?
8. Twenty seems really young.
9. I know people who are having babies.
10. I have been called "Mrs."
11. The AARP sent me a membership card. Seriously. I got it right before my 18th birthday. I have never paid any dues though, so I am pretty sure I am not in the AARP.
12. For my birthday, I asked for patio furniture.
13. Two glasses of wine makes me loopy. (I guess that doesn't make me old, just a lightweight.)
1. I am happy when it rains because, "The lawn really needs a good rain."
2. I can make kids behave by giving them a stern look.
3. I have no idea what music is cool. (To be honest, that has always been the case.)
4. I have held the title "matron of honor." Matron! Eh.
5. I think MySpace is annoying and can't believe so many people use it. Also, the pictures some teens have on there freak me out. I know about the pictures from watching Dateline. Seriously, why does Dateline do a story on that every week? Move on, Dateline.
6. I write about Dateline on my blog.
7. I think fashion trends are horrid. Just today, I was looking at Ann Taylor Loft online, and I saw LEGGINGS for sale. LEGGINGS. NOOOO. I also saw a person at work wearing a red kimono over gray capri leggings with giant glasses and black/white/green striped shoes. WTF?
8. Twenty seems really young.
9. I know people who are having babies.
10. I have been called "Mrs."
11. The AARP sent me a membership card. Seriously. I got it right before my 18th birthday. I have never paid any dues though, so I am pretty sure I am not in the AARP.
12. For my birthday, I asked for patio furniture.
13. Two glasses of wine makes me loopy. (I guess that doesn't make me old, just a lightweight.)
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